Comments on: Is the Narcissist Happy Now? (A Reality Check)

By: S Alexander

S Alexander — Sat, 04 Nov 2023 04:19:42 +0000

Thank you.

By: Mara

Mara — Sat, 19 Feb 2022 23:52:44 +0000

I was in a loving “fairytale “relationship with a narcissist,6 months of bliss and he spoiled me, private jets, expensive tennis lessons, weekly massages,symphony.I was delirious in love and it seems he was too, and it was not about sex,we cuddled every nite more then actually being intimate.He introduced me to everybody and had only praise, made me over the top compliments, wrote beautiful cards, flowers etc.However on social events he always introduced me with my first and last name.He was always holding my hand in public and if another guy gave me too much attention he made sure they knew I was with him.He is obviously very wealthy but had no love from his parents, his father was a bully, he opened up to me,it was a surprise because he is very guarded who he shares with.He is a bit of a loner, but I got him out more and he seemed to enjoy it.He’s not exactly GQ looking and very insecure, but obviously he mad up with his homes, fancy cars and jet and what he wants he get’s a total charmer.I got along awesome with his son.I did get a lot of attention more then him when we went out,I think that bothered him, as his ego is bigger then the Himalays!!I would joke how is your flavor of the months, and he would say you are it,don’t talk like that,I’ve found what I want etc.We never had an argument.Then suddenly he became distant, no more hand holding, we would still see each other, he was never late picking me up.I did notice all this time he was looking at dating sites(he still does every day).We literally spent never more then 2 days apart in 6 months.We never argued or had a fight.Then one night he just said we need a break and see were this is going.Two days later he brought my clothes was very sweet and said it’s not me it’s him and I need to give him time.At first I thought maybe he was scared the relationship progressed too fast, since his third divorce was only 4 months back.Now I know I was kidding myself.That was his way of breaking it off and leaving me without closure and hope.It has been 2 months almost and no communication and the only time I have seen him since when he took me to surgery 2 weeks ago,I held him to it, it was planned awhile ago.He was very matter of fact, held my hand a bit but distant, like we are strangers.I acted very distant as I was occupied and nervous with my surgery.When he picked me up, he just dropped me off not do you need anything or coming in.2 days later he called to see how I was.I saw it as a curtesy call and did not pick up.Iam puzzled and read about narccism.Iam going through withdrawals and miss him, but iam also cold and are not reaching out.However now I feel I like to give him bit of his own medicine.BTW he only says good things about me to his friends.I thought I might ask him to take me to a show that we had planned to go to when we were together, just matter of fact just as friends nothing romantic and treat him that way.He’s not in a serious relationship I know from a friend.I know Iam supposed to not have contact,I still love him but can put my emotions aside and use him just like he used me.THoughts?

By: Chris

Chris — Mon, 29 Nov 2021 18:38:44 +0000

Long story short, we were in a 2.5 year very semi casual relationship, no one knew about us but his kids pretty much guessed. When it was good, it was good. There was always him being hot and cold, family drama was never his fault, disagreements at work always the fault of someone else, marriages ending were never his fault, didnt know what he wanted, I walked on eggshells as not to upset him, we never talked feelings or emotions..I knew he was seeing other people when we were together as was I, , but I stupidly fell in love and only wanted him. He knew my feelings for him.. He came at a time when I needed it, amicable separation with husband. He knew what to say and do. He broke up with me a few times but we still always chatted and ended up back together. Final discard was 3 months ago, no warning whatsoever like the other ones, no contact which is very unusual.. A few weeks later I see him with his new girl, which I figured he had. He has introduced her to ALL his friends which he literally has not done with anyone since I’ve known him. He is posting the pictures and doing all the sweet stuff which again he has never done. He no longer comments or likes posts from single female friends like he used to. We spoke a few days ago and he sounds like he truly loves her, as do his friends, that she is a Godly woman and has brought him back into church. She has been widowed for almost 2 years and he is her 2nd bf since the death. I found out last night they are now engaged! All of his friends are liking and commenting how wonderful and how happy they are for them. Could I have been wrong and he’s just a jerk? He is older, almost 55. I just can’t believe he would be willing to hurt a person like that and when/if he does how is he going to explain it to everyone? His friends, who I never met, honestly do think the world of her. His own daughter knows he’s not a good man and has mentioned it to me numerous times.

By: socialmediasfuture

socialmediasfuture — Wed, 21 Apr 2021 05:23:21 +0000

I still think I come to accept although after days and days of reading listening and just reading. I was not only lied to played but i just had a baby from him and he left me because i finally caught his ass red handed. I haven’t left my house in 2 weeks and finally stop doing the whole stalking stuff. I never in a million thought this was I would be proven wrong but this last episode was end for me and he knew that why he blocked me and all the other crap we endure. I cant even say leave me alone because of the baby. I am waiting for that bs to start. hes a coward and I called his crap from the first time and my dumb ass stayed thinking he will change. I am so messed up and it feel like a dream.I do not know how you left him after 13 years and a son? wow this is so dam hard.

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Tue, 18 Feb 2020 07:04:55 +0000

In reply to TheV..

Thank you so much….and yes, this is a time of spiritual warfare I’d have to say that narcs are a portion of the minions for the dark side and, therefore, there isn’t a single reason (I can think of) for why we should hold up recovery until we “forgive”. As I say, we don’t have the credentials to forgive at that level. Big hugs, sister, and I appreciate you….:)

By: TheV.

TheV. — Sat, 15 Feb 2020 16:08:17 +0000

Dear Ms. Zari, I cannot thank you enough for all your hard work. You, and Ms. Saeed, have both literally and figuratively saved my life while I’ve been stumbling through the aftermath of My Very Own Little Narcissist’s wake.

As a Christian, I’ve been struggling how to deal with all of this Ugly. And oh Laawdy, it been Ugly.

I’ve Googled the shit out of everything “Narcissist,” desperately trying to make sense of it all. Believe me, I’ve read everything you, Ms. Saeed, and even f’n “Tudor” (if that is his real name, LOL) have to say about my “experience.” I’ve searched the Bible back and forth, trying to understand if my fallacy is that I am failing to “forgive” and just “get the F over it,” like everybody around me has babbled about.

But, do ya know? I had an amazing dream last night. (By the way, I do not sleep much, well, or often. But I actually slept last night, for the first time in months.) I dreamed that Satan was in my room. (Insert “Holy shnickeys!” as will.) Yep, My Little Narcissist was back (again!) in my room. My bed. Infesting, infecting my life. But… this time, instead of wishing that mothertrucker dead (which I’ve been struggling with for the last few weeks now, in my “recovering” steps, believe me I wanted him DEAD, hopefully long-term and painfully-so,) I decided (BRACE YOURSELVES!)–
Imma be so polite to this bastard.
Imma retain my dignity, God bless.
Imma be so kind to this f***er… while I tell him to get the f*** out of my life once and for all.
I am NOT going to react to such trash and filth with the same level of debasement with which he abused me.

BLAM.

And, in my dream, he finally walked out of my room. (Insert gasps of shock and awe.) He finally walked out of my room, without yelling or screaming or throwing shit at me or my having to call the cops. Like he always used do, like I put up with, before. He finally walked the fuck out of my room, because Jesus (in the Bible) gave me that power to command over him. He cannot touch a hair on my head.

And I woke up, for the first time, feeling free, this morning.

My point is, my dear Sister, that I (for myself) finally realized, that I now believe that I was given the most amazing gift from God– to have experienced and witnessed such Evil, who are these N-creatures roaming to and fro on this planet… and I chose to be, to become, greater than that. To stay in The Light.

Because of My Little Piggy, while he infested my life and inflicted such abuse onto me, I realized how much greater I am now, have always been (just hadn’t realized yet,) how much greater “we” (thee and me) are, to have lived to tell. And to have become better, stronger, more loving people than before some N-word tried to strip it down. Fuck that.

By the way, My Piggy liked to use my Christianity against me. That was the worst of all. He used my God to get into my mind. That’s despicable, and certainly unforgivable. Like you wrote in one of your statements– Imma leave “forgiveness” for the Higher-Ups. I don’t need to “forgive” in order to heal and surpass.

The last thing I said to Piggy (before my No Contact, before his endless Discards– and yes, I keep blocking dozens upon dozens of “new” cell numbers, haha) was– “Jesus told the Pharisees– ‘You truly are of your father, the Devil.’ You are a child of Satan. Leave me be, and do not infect any more lives of us, the children of Light.”

Nuff said.

Narcs are the biological emobodiment of Evil.
I firmly believe that they are not even of the same species as humans. They may well biologically be human, but, on the bigger, grander scale, they are not even people.
This is a Spiritual Battle that we, my dear Sister, witness. …and do win, in the end. And we are blessed, that our eyes are opened.

“Thank you, Ms. Zari” doesn’t even begin to cover how much I appreciate all your hard work. You are a hard-working Angel, and I wanted you to know that all your hard work has not gone unrecognized. We appreciate you. Please keep it up– I will read online.

With much love and respect,

xLV

By: Cristin

Cristin — Wed, 29 May 2019 16:50:51 +0000

Thank you for your wisdom, Zari. I’ll continue reading the other posts because it does help to know I am not the only one. When I saw the narcissistic flip the first time, I should have run.

By: Cristin

Cristin — Wed, 29 May 2019 16:23:27 +0000

William Mathieu, thank you for your share because it resonated so much with me.

By: William Mathieu

William Mathieu — Wed, 20 Feb 2019 05:01:06 +0000

Hello Olivia. My name is William and I also was a victim as yourself. I also struggled with the same desire,( wanting an apology ) knowing truthfully that it will never come. For me dear women, I discovered that it was prides desire to want this to happen. After all I got sucked in and played. Deceived ( which does hurt the pride of many of us ). We hurt ourselves by thinking that we where to stupid not to see through the many masks these people wear. Try to look at it Olivia from a different way. Pride, .most of the time is vain and has no constructive values. Your narc still has control over you because of you. They see this and relish in it. What needed to happen to me was TOTALLY letting go. That person may not be in your life in way of a relationship any more so they can’t hurt you, it is now you hurting yourself, as it was for me. Once I faced that reality, then sweet peace and freedom started coming. I Hope this helps you if you are not free by now. Your loving neighbor William

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Fri, 01 Feb 2019 02:35:34 +0000

In reply to Jackie.

Hi Jackie,

You have to see this person for what and who he really is. The truth is that you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors and all I can tell you is narcs will present themselves as being over the top happy – especially on social media – when the truth is they are just living in another of their personas. It doesn’t matter what is going on with this new person because how he treated YOU is the the truth that you know. Whoever he is now doesn’t change how he treated YOU at all and anybody who can do that NEVER CHANGES. It’s just not possible and nothing you could have ever done would have changed that. Pathological liars do not change…this is the fact. He is not a whole new man and he hasn’t “learned from his mistakes”. That is ridiculous to even think that after his history. If he is not acknowledging this person to you then you know he is treating her, whether you like her or not, with the same disrespect that he treated you and all of his other exes with. The fact that YOU KNOW HIS HISTORY, that he has left destruction everywhere in many relationships is PROOF that he can and will not and doesn’t want to change. He is a player, a liar and a narcissist. You have no proof that he is “happy and consistent” except the bullshit of social media and the words of flying monkeys. Maybe they deserve each other! Whatever is the case, he wasn’t the guy for you, he treated you like shit. You have to shift your perspective and your world will open up. Do you want to be with someone who you already know will treat you badly?

You must stop talking to people who give you updates and cease looking at social media if that is where you are getting your information. Clear your head of that and things will get better. Continue to read and you will see so many stories like your own…take comfort in the fact that so many of us have lived it and survived it. You can too. If you need to talk to me, book some time and I will be happy to help. You can do this and you are not alone….

Zari:)

By: Jackie

Jackie — Wed, 23 Jan 2019 20:24:56 +0000

I have never told my story seeing how everyone thinks my ex so wonderful and I was so lucky to have him. Even his new girlfriend he was cheating on my with belives him that I am crazy and jealous he chose her over me. Some days I really wish I had someone to talk to because I am tired of crying and missing a man who I know isn’t really thinking about me. He has texted here or there to “apolozige” or say he misses me but when i told the new gf what he was doing all of that stopped (and yes she sitll stayed with him even though I showed her proof he was still contacting me while with her and he was cheating with her and others while with me). It just hurts so bad because he seems so happy with her now. When he didnt have much time to travel with me before he all of a sudden has time to see her weekly. He buys her gifts and takes her on trips and even though she is the opposite of everythig he told me he wanted in a woman hes all of a sudden a new man and totally committed. How can he be so nice a loving with her and act like I was so bad an evil when i did everything he ever asked and he even said i was the sweetest and most innnocent woman hes ever been with and he could never hurt me. He even told me one night i dont deserve him becasue his past was so bad and had too much ahead for myself. He is a very weathly man and had a very busy past sexual life. And yes he taught me things and we had amazing sex but even with the sex I would feel so empty after it was over. But i cant help and think about how this very expressive woman is treating him in bed. I was shy and inexperienced so I would tell myself that is why he cheated but reading this site i’m seeing narcs cheat anyway. Even with all of that i still find myself missing him and wanting him back even though i know i deserve better. he accused me of cheating and lyng when i am the most faithful and honest person. he was the constant liar, even with the smallest of lies, and cheater. he blames me for everyting and said thats why he left and wont talk to me. He still wont fully acknowledge the new woman to me which used to give me hope that it wasnt serious, but i am not crazy I know she is getting the same, no better love bombs than i did. Why is he so happy and consistent with her yet me and all of his exes have the same painful story? and will i ever break free from his hold and be able to fully move on? He discarded me after i called him out and we havent spoken in months yet the pain still feels fresh as the day i knew it was over for good (as first I wass so angry with the cheating i wasnt sad or depressed. i was angry and ready to kick him out of my life add move on. I can move on from past relatinships so easy, but this one is so hard even months later). When will i stop crying over him and why is he so happy with her? HE seems like a whole new man and has really changed and learned from him mistakes.

By: Ms Mikie

Ms Mikie — Mon, 21 Jan 2019 19:26:18 +0000

Your site is amazing, and that’s putting it mildly! Okay, so this Empath, who attracts Narcs like flies to “sheet,” has learned to educate/arm herself SO well against those pesky suckers, that I successfully managed to dodge the most recent attempt by one, to infiltrate my life completely. He was/is significantly younger than I, very handsome, and was adept at drawing me in, although, almost from the start I sensed something was a bit “off” and actually stepped away after a couple weeks deducing he was, in fact, a Narc. There was the love bombing which I recognized immediately and just sat back, watched, and let unfold (minus the popcorn). Yeah. I got the “I’ve never met anyone like you-you’re so beautiful, smart etc” BS lines and everything else a Narc throws out to try and ensnare. The only thing though, is that I think he recognized I was not only very astute, but also too strong to fall for much. I have my “sheet” together, so I’m guessing I was a pretty solid source of supply. I’d told him everything bad that had every happened to me (I NEVER gave details about past trauma in my life because Narcs LOVE to use that crap against you down the road), I’d dealt w/via therapy. I’d put a break-up from six months prior into a healthy perspective w/my therapist, girlfriends, family and a crap-ton of Internet articles. I told him the only real stressor in my life at times, was my job. His life though? Holy balls! He’s a walking train wreck! A divorce from, of course, a CRAZY ex, a young daughter, a break-up w/a 2-year girlfriend who was a THERAPIST who he came home to one day and was packing her bags to leave. (YAY for her!) Oh! And that was one of his “feel sorry for me” lines at the beginning; “everyone leaves me!” I listened to it all, felt badly when he told me he’d been rejected from attending the NY State Trooper Academy (Of COURSE it was the inept background examiners fault he didn’t get in!) :::insert eyeball roll here::: and I did my best to be kind because yeah. He “seemed” like a nice guy who maaaayyyybe did just have a run of bad luck. But, again, my 6th sense kicked-in, and I pulled away for like…a minute. Well, then I chose to see if I was just reading him wrong and if him being a Cancer (yeah…not a lotta clout in Zodiac crap, but perhaps a kernel of truth) and he “fit” the Cancer sign to a T. So I let him back in. We text ALL the time, and actually work on the same installation, so we saw each other quite a bit. I had him to my house for dinner, then I “had” him. And not long after that, the (very subtle) devaluation started. So I pulled-away again. I never wanted a real relationship with him, but did enjoy hanging out w/him on the few occasions we did. Besides, I was pretty certain he was a Narc, and because of my desire to only keep it physical with friendship, it worked for me. Buuutttt…I’m an Empath, and even though I consider myself a strong woman, my emotions started to kick in, and that’s where his devaluation really started. We only had sex twice in the two months we knew each other, and the second time was more than three weeks ago. He pushed me away because he said “his therapist girlfriend left him only five months prior” and he was still “wrapping his head around that.” So, I kept my distance, but we still text on a friendly basis w/me sending the “how are you doing texts” and “I’m here if you need to talk” texts. (Sheez…please just shoot me now for my compassionate stupidity!) Apparently, the only thing he was “wrapping his head around” was some new source of supply because after a weekend visit w/my Dad, he let me know that he’d met this “amazing” woman he knew from the gym three years ago and was someone he spent time w/when he was separated from his (now) ex wife. He told me they had “so much in common” and “finished each other’s sentences” and “was a very kind/old soul-“just like YOU!” He even went on to say being with her was like “being with you-one in the same!” (I seriously almost barfed!), but I gotta admit, I was not happy about his news. So I told him he had no business dating anyone w/his child support and custody hearing going on, and he got PISSED! “YOU have no business telling me what to do!” Um, yeah, okay, but sheez. Can’t a girl get a little bit of compassion? Nope. There was no, “Thank you for always being there for me, for the legal advice from your cousin, for the book you gave my daughter, for your time, for being such a good friend, etc.” Yeah. Not one, single “thank you” or “gee…you’re swell!” Not a single BIT of compassion or empathy, and I was NOT happy! So I text him back what I was feeling and yeah. He didn’t care. I told him, “Don’t hurt her,” to which he responded, “Oh I won’t. We’re good,” to which I text “For now.” Aaaand, right on cue, the Narcissistic rage began, and I was denigrated and then BAM! Blocked! But that’s okay because I blocked his number as well, given I am very certain once he runs through all the Narc phases with her, he’ll try and initiate contact again. We are also bound to run into one another again as we go to the same gym, work on the same base, and we see each other almost every day. I know I will be ignored or he’ll try and run me over in the crosswalk again. Anyway, I haven’t shed any tears about him not being in my life because I did my homework after the last Narc flew into my life, and I think I’m seriously mentally armed enough with all the reading and homework I’ve done about Narcs, to keep it from happening again. (Maybe) They’re SO tough to handle emotionally if you’re an Empath because their stories are always so sad and, as any Empath will tell you, you just want to help them like you’d help a stray dog. You almost can’t help yourself! I’m still learning-still growing and still arming myself to the hilt to keep this from happening AGAIN. I think/hope I’ll be stronger if it DOES happen again, and I can step away and STAY away when my gut instinct starts screaming at me!! (If not, someone please come and kick me square in the arse!)

By: Olivia

Olivia — Fri, 21 Dec 2018 02:17:40 +0000

Ok. So he was finally confronted with me and the other woman. She’s no better off i know this. She is there to look pretty, look after their baby and help
Him pay for his house. He’s been complaining about
Not being able to afford it even though he makes twice what I do and I afford my own home. His cocaine addiction may have something to do with it. She seems like a nice lady too how can she move her children in with a coke Addict??? I mean I didn’t know for years but living with him how do you not see it? He shouldn’t be broke?!!

Anyway. Here is my problem in a nutshell. I still yearn for him to
Be contrite. About his behaviour to me. I want an apology. I want him to realize I was worthy )I shouldn’t care I KNOW) and I want him to apologize.

Why do I want this thing that will never happen? I don’t want him. Why do I still need that particular validation that I’m a worthy woman??? He’s a POS. And he will destroy the new girl. She’s in for a decade of horror. This need of mine will never come and even if it does it will only be because he Wants something. So why does it matter to me and how to I get over it.

By: Arlo

Arlo — Wed, 19 Dec 2018 23:31:21 +0000

Hi me again you are right. My take on the lady was completely based on what he said about her. Turns out she’s lovely and had no idea who he really was. She’s heartbroken. And now stuck with him. I hope he changes. But if she hadn’t found out (thanks to me) he’d still be running around in her with no remorse or guilt. And I believe he will again but I’ll not get involved. She will inevitably learn the hard way. Very sad.

By: Paloma

Paloma — Wed, 19 Dec 2018 23:27:28 +0000

I have a sad feeling he really WANTS to change who he is for this new person. They have a baby. I hate feeling vindictive. But why does he get to be happy? Not only that but i ended up speaking with her so she knows him now. It was a complete surprise to her who he really is. I feel bad for her if she caves again because I know he is addicted to hard drugs. I know he will get bored with her. I know he will be the same person. 2 months. 6 months. A year. He literally has no guilt. No empathy. I know him very well. I know it’s not my circus (and I am relieved he’s not my problem now). I just feel badly she will keep her children with him. I know it will end badly. I don’t think any amount of therapy can make people feel. He only changes his behaviour long enough to get his freedom back. I’ve watched him do it. Scary for her and her kids man. Just scary. None of my business though. I warned her. What she doesn’t realize is the very act of forgiving him every time lessens her value in his eyes every time more and more. He thinks he will win every time. Until he’s totally into someone else and then he will have no trouble watching her walk away. He’s a nightmare.

By: Camelia Gamble

Camelia Gamble — Fri, 16 Nov 2018 15:12:02 +0000

Yes my narc abandoned his 18 years of marriage with a teenager son. He had been having a affair for two years. It hurt me to the core. He financially and mentally ruined me and now I am trying to pick up the pieces. It has been challenging, he is dragging out the divorce and has said every possible mean thing he can about me in court papers which is not true. Just as you stated, when he does show up to pick up my son, he acts like he is the happiest person alive. As if I made his life miserable, its very hurtful. When I read the article it sounds like you know him, thank you for bringing to life what I knew. I’m not released yet of this emotional turmoil, but I’m taking one step at a time.

By: Bonny

Bonny — Fri, 16 Nov 2018 02:22:42 +0000

I was with my ex-boyfriend for 8 months. It was the most confusing time of my life. It started off great. After about three months, I started seeing some strange behavior from him, but I really wanted the relationship work, so I ignored it. Bad idea, I know. At one point, he told me he didn’t want me to see one of my friends anymore because he felt like she judged him. He would get irritated about insignificant things. One time (and one time only) I showed up to meet him 10 minutes late, and he was very quiet. When I asked what was wrong, he lectured me about how being late is disrespectful, but there was a traffic jam and I couldn’t avoid it. Another time, he was irritated when my phone died and told me I should have canceled all my plans to rush home to charge my phone. He wasn’t even worried about my safety. He was just irritated that I couldn’t respond when he wanted me to.

Near the end, he started accusing me of not being where I said I was and being selfish. None of those things were true. I finally found out that he was seeing someone else during the last month that we were together. We broke up, and they are now together. What really hurts me is that he started mistreating me around month 3, and they’ve been together for 5 months now and have moved in together, so obviously if she wants to live with him, he’s treating her well. It makes me feel better to think he’s a narcissistic. It would explain some of his crazy behaviors, and it would make me feel like he treats everyone badly, not just me. But the two of them genuinely seem happy together, so maybe he’s not a narcissistic. Then what would have caused him to mistreat me, but be kind to her? I would think that if a person has the capability to mistreat one girlfriend, then that’s part of his character, but he’s doing kind things for her that he never did for me. Maybe I was just a rebound. He never told me when his last relationship ended. Maybe he was always comparing me in his mind to his previous girlfriend and that’s why he mistreated me. Now he’s had time to heal and can have a healthy relationship with the new girl. I don’t know. I just feel like he only mistreated me, and he’s good to everyone else. He would call me crazy and dumb and ridiculous things whenever I would try to find solutions. Then I realized he was never trying to find solutions. He was just trying to win. There are so many more details I could share, but I don’t want this to get too lengthy.

I talked to a friend of mine who dated a narcissist several years ago, and the narcissistic left her to be with another girl. He is kind and good to her, and they have been together for three years, so that’s what scares me. Maybe my narcissist can also be kind and good. He just chose to emotionally abuse me and no one else. 🙁 Maybe I wasn’t his type. Maybe he was bored with me. But why is he so good to her?

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Thu, 08 Nov 2018 19:20:17 +0000

In reply to Arlo.

Hi Arlo,

Your feelings are completely natural given the circumstances. Whether this guy is a narc is beside the point because he has a very big problem. He likes to cheat and sometimes he gets a girl pregnant. Not a sustainable way to be involved with somebody. You seem to lay blame on the women that he is involved with and I assure you, they have been going through the same crap that he put you through. The narcissist sees everyone on the same emotional level. Because these women have kids with him, I’m sure it takes it to an entirely different level and this is why he has to lean in that direction. Don’t be so sure he really cares about these children. It’s more likely that he is trying to keep up the “good dad” appearances and stay out of child support troubles. He just doesn’t sound like a very honest guy and you have dodged a bullet. It’s always bittersweet when someone we love or loved has a baby with someone else. No one would expect you to be jumping for joy. It’s not about wishing them the best. It is simply about you moving on. I know it’s hard, I wasted 13 years and ALL of my 40’s so I understand that. But you are still young with a good part of your 40’s left! Go and enjoy your life. You deserve to be happy no matter what this jerk is up to. Break contact and find your own way:)

Zari:) xo

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Fri, 26 Oct 2018 20:07:55 +0000

In reply to Kathleen O’Flaherty.

Well, Kathleen….your message made my day. Clarity is what we need to come out of the darkness, the fog. If I can help with that, I am grateful. Stay strong, sister, and keep on the right path….xo

By: Kathleen O'Flaherty

Kathleen O'Flaherty — Wed, 24 Oct 2018 23:17:30 +0000

I think this article saved my soul today, thank you for your ability to help me find clarity and understand the emotional chaos I’ve been subjected to. I am released 🙂

By: shawn

shawn — Mon, 22 Oct 2018 21:50:42 +0000

amen to this. my ex female narc put me thru the ringer, and still reaches out. Devilish creatures

By: Arlo

Arlo — Thu, 27 Sep 2018 22:17:32 +0000

I don’t know if mine is a narc or not. He acts like one with me but he slept with so many women and he’s private and secret about all. Anyway he’s gone now because one of his liaisons he barely knew got pregnant. He hated her for it (she seems a desperate broke 30 something Was he out-played? Are there two narcs now?) all I know is he melts for his children. He says he doesn’t love this woman but has played the role because he was “scared to death” and by that I think he meant financially. Well the baby just arrived and she played him more saying she was now unemployed and broke and her and her son are now moving in. He says for a couple of months (I would bet she thinks forever). Anyway he is VERY attached to his first kid. They are very close in fact this new baby really did a number in that relationship. So is he a narc? Or did he just not like me enough? Who uses someone like that? And now I’m asking the same questions about his new live in. And if I loved him would I be hoping they’re unhappy? I mean I always thought all summer in anticipation of this kid that I was over him and that I wanted him to be happy(hence we were still talking as friends) it didn’t bother me. Until this week when baby arrives and he’s short answers and ignoring. Now I Know and understand the mess he’s got with the first kid, the new kid,the new hyperactive adhd kid she brings with her...so I’m trying to put my feelings aside and wish him peace and happiness. But there is a part of me that broke this week. I’ve had a cry every day since that baby came. And there is a tiny wish that it won’t end well because quite frankly neither of them deserve it. And I feel I do which I think is the point. I was devoted to him for years she just meets him gets knocked up (she’s younger) and now she’s moved in????? I feel like I’d be happy for them if I was happy lol. But I feel like I’m the one paying in misery and everyone else who doesn’t deserve it is happy. God am I a narc? I want to be full of grace about it. And I know I wasn’t prepared to give up 20 years with a baby on a chance so maybe she does love him more? I don’t know. I’m hurt and I have a loss of a friend. Everything is different. I want remorse or regret or something. I want to be free and over it. I wish I’d never met him. Every other man I’ve ever been with was wonderful and I’ve been engaged three times! Lol maybe I am a narc? But I’m so empathetic! I’m confused. Who is the bad person here??? What’s to become of them and more... of me? I feel old now at 44 wasted my best years

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Mon, 17 Sep 2018 22:02:27 +0000

In reply to Lyn. Hi Lyn, Here's an article that I wrote that may answer your question......xo

By: Martina

Martina — Thu, 30 Aug 2018 13:21:56 +0000

5 months supposed Narc free, and I just found out he has a new supply. I say supposed because although he told me he was a narc and his actions led me to believe he was, I seem to think that he is a changed man. 2 weeks pre-breakup fiasco, he started going to therapy which I had pushed for, in order to tackle his past issues which seemed to be leaking into our relationship.

I am of the understanding and belief that he learnt and took a lot away from our relationship because he told me so. 2 months after we broke up, he contacted me saying he fully acknowledges that he was in the wrong and ruined what we had. He also thanked me for sticking up for myself, for sending him to therapy and that now he appreciates how truly important the ‘little things’ were in life (which is something I always said to him). He also said that he was not ready for a new relationship as he has a lot to fix on himself. He said I deserved someone who didn’t treat me like he did, and deserve the very best because he didn’t see the good in front of him due to his issues.

Roll on 2 months after this communication, he is seeing someone else and I still believe he is a changed man (he is 33 y/o) and took on the things he learnt into this new romance. I feel pretty much used and feel stupid for bothering to sending him to therapy because now he is changed for someone else.

Any insight would be appreciated x

By: Rebs

Rebs — Thu, 30 Aug 2018 13:20:02 +0000

Any insight would be appreciated x