The Silent Treatment – Any Time is a Good Time

silent-treatmentFrom  the first silent treatment, the narcissist gets the amazing results he had hoped for – the immense suffering of his partner at his own still voice. To the narcissist, this result is out-of-this-world amazing. The N gets to maintain total control by saying and doing absolutely nothing. This emotional abandonment is the perfect way for the narcissist to manage down our expectations of what we’ll accept to eventually take him back. And what a perfect narcissistic tactic is is! Think about it – the N doesn’t have to do a thing…I mean, literally, he does and says nothing and he has us running around in circles trying to make it all better.

Change Your Life!
Download When Love Is a Lie
from Amazon Today – Only $3.99!

Now, the effects on us, his or her partner, is, as we know, devastating. When my ex-narcissist pulled a silent treatment the first time, I was dumbfounded. It lasted six weeks and I was simply beside myself. I banged on the door, left letters and notes, voicemails – you name it – but he wouldn’t give. It was horrible. I had never experienced anything like it ever from anybody and I had never even thought about doing it to someone myself. The anxiety and the absolute sadness that I felt at the discard was incredible and not one that anyone at any time should ever have to experience – especially after doing nothing wrong which is par for the course when one partner is a narcissist.


Click Image to Order via Amazon

Yes, to a narcissist, anytime is a good time for a silent treatment. As the narcissist’s partner, this fact becomes all too clear so we are always anxious waiting for the axe to fall. This, too, is part of the pathological relationship agenda of the narcissist, sociopath, and psychopath. The silence could come at any time. in my case, from that first one forward, whenever the N did decide he needed to go silent to assert control, the silence would last exactly six weeks or just slightly longer. Then, he would come hoovering back as if nothing happened. And, of course, his appearance was such a relief to me that I basically let it go. Thirteen years later, however, when it was becoming increasingly clear that, upon his return, I was less and less forgiving, he decided that the game just wasn’t fun any more and never returned. But it took thirteen years. Up until that point, he was just having the time of his life watching me suffer from behind his iron curtain.

As I work on this website, I study the analytics that tell me what search terms visitors use most often to find my information. Without fail, every day, the most searched term or phrases include the words “silent treatment” (hence, my reason for writing another post on the topic). My findings sadden me greatly because it tells me just how rampant narcissistic abuse is running right now. While it would be easy for me give the “well, why don’t you just leave” advice, I know how it is. In my book, When Love Is a Lie, I share a little process for changing that I really feel can help. It’s not a magic solution by any means but it will give you the push you need to look at your situation without the same overwhelming anxiety.

For a Limited Time, Get 2-4-1:
When Love Is a Lie  & Stop Spinning, Start Breathing
for Only $5.99!

The bottom line is that the silent treatment sends an awful message to the recipient. It sends a message that we are pieces of garbage…that we aren’t worth the narcissist’s time of day no matter how much we love him or her. The Narcissist Puppeteer, with his silence, is creating your reality. You have to, at some point, ask yourself why anyone who would do that to you…who would enjoy knowing the very fact that you are suffering…is ever worth your time of day in this lifetime.

Subscribe to TheNarcissisticPersonality Update Feed

(Visited 11,045 time, 5 visit today)

Leave a Reply


Use the form below to comment on articles, share stories, and get/give advice. After first post is moderated, all others using the same log-in will show immediately.

 Due to the high volume, Zari's response time is 7 - 10 days. Thank you!!!

Phone Consultation Specials Now Available/ Speak w/Zari One-On-One Click Here!


Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  1. HI, I agree…the silent treatment is horrible…blocked e mails and trying to send a message many times a day to hope it goes through. Taking him back nothing resolved. I gave my own silent treatment to him once (didn’t say Hi), thinking I was just going away like he wanted me to….then he wanted to drop me fast. I agree I was addicted was relieved when he was back again…never talked about it. I said sorry for things, but I didn’t do anything wrong. The silent treatment makes a person desperate/needy. My mom used to use do the silent treatment. My parent’s had an emotionally charged relationship..but were like teenagers in love. They did their best..but I know I pick this kind of guy due to my parents. The silent treatment…got me so I could not even talk when I had the opportunity, for fear my first word would make him run/abandon me. I could not be myself…”walked on egg shells”.

    • The silent treatment – a narcissistic favorite that I endured no less than 100 times in 12 or 13 years – was almost the death of me. And he knew it. It is the narcissist’s way of managing down our expectations of the relationship so that we expect less and less and they get away with more and more. When they do return, we are so relieved to be anxiety-free that we, for the most part, ask no questions, hoping and praying that this time it will be different. But it never is. The Narcissist’s Relationship Reset Button – he just presses it whenever he pleases when he wants to come back (which, of course, means that he is erasing someone else to go back to you.) It is a cycle of abuse that never gets old to a narcissist.

  2. Oh boy yes, the dredged silent treatment,the last was February when I had the most horrible flu,my ex narcissist. Didn’t contact me once to see how I was,all because of some perceived insult in his head,I was starting to see through him and his behaviour this was his message to me,basically your not agreeing with my script,I’m bored of you,so here’s the silent treatment,when I come back you should have learnt your lesson never to cross me or bore me with you illness or emotional problems,you will apologise and I can control you and do it again,I’m so powerful and special look at what I can do to a vulnerable person.then you I’ll become so needy,neurotic and weak,either leaving you for new supply or you will never leave me no matter. What I do you will become a crazy stalker and feed me attention either way I win.but quests what ladies I left him after this last episode.i. Found the strength and walked away and initiated no contact.,he couldn’t believe it and lost the plot,shoe on the other foot,he couldn’t handle that I had left,his plan had failed,after weeks of emails txt mess if excuses,blame etc.”..he thought I would cave but I didn’t,the flu was godsend,this wa when I discovered narcissism,and controling relationships.i had had enough and armed myself with info.silent treatment issue me the worst form of abuse and stems from my childhood of being ignored,and my fear if abandonment.which I am presently working on .silent treatment basically kills you off.and sends the message that you are not worth a thing to the other person,devils tasting.emotional and mental abuse needs to be highlighted more in society,as just because you have no physical scars it cannot be proved and is always minimized by the abuser,and others cannot see your pain and some do not believe you.especially friends and family,this equals more pain.keep up the good work with this website.thank you

    • The Silent Treatment is the worst emotional torture imaginable. Yes, it sends a message to the recipient without saying a single word that “you are not worth the fucking air I breath so I am going to erase you…forget you ever existed”. Horrible stuff and it literally was almost the end of me, as I have said before. I am SO glad that you used the time that you were sick and he was silent to figure it out and work on things. We actually NEED the silence to get it together…to get the strength to walk away or go no contact. The N’s silence MUST BECOME our golden opportunity to escape or formulate a plan or simply to breath. Too many of us have fallen down so low under the weight of this type of passive-aggressive abuse and it needs to stop. Thank you again for sharing!


  3. My question is: what if you do know why he’s giving you the silent treatment??? My guy and I got into an argument, and I started it, so I know its my fault. I apologized about being a bitch, but we haven’t said anything since. We just walk past each other like roomates. I made dinner and he comes home making a sandwich.
    What sucks is that we have a 6month old son, and we argued yesterday (which was Christmas). So even though we made sure he had a great first Christmas, we (his parents) didn’t.
    Anyway, he’s given me the silent treatment before, but I’m so tired of this shit! So what do I do?? I give him the silent treatment right back! Like I said, I know why he’s being silent towards me, and I’ve already apologized about it. So I’m doing my own thing (working out, going to work, keeping in contact with family, going out with my son, etc.) so I’m not at home stressing. But I will let him know that him giving me the silent treatment is a very unhealthy way to deal with his anger towards me or any other issues in our relationship. Maybe he’ll take notice, because I know that Narcs do not like seeing other people being happy. That’s his problem, because I choose to be happy.

    Am I wrong for doing this? If so, how do you handle a Narc’s silent treatment??

    • Girlfriend, no one – but no one – deserves the silent treatment. I can guarantee that whatever you did or said – he deserved – or you wouldn’t have said it. A narcissist’s silent treatment is a punishment that NEVER fits the crime. He is using it to make you feel guilty (and this is called gas lighting). It is not acceptable – especially when you live together. I was on the receiving end of hundreds of silent treatments for every little thing. It almost was the end of me. Either demand he snap out of it or, better yet (although I know it’s so hard because of the baby), kick his ass out. No man (a new father!) who has a six-month old little bitty baby at home should be ignoring anyone! Think about that. It’s wrong in every sense of the word. Unfortunately, this is only the beginning. He will never change and I think you already know this. And as for Christmas, narcissist’s will ruin every holiday without fail. You must think about saving the rest of your life.

  4. There r some Narcs that thrive on mind games to the highest degree.
    Mine was intelligent and chose intelligent partners too, so the mind games can get so complicated. He basically met me and within a few mnths ‘tied me in.’ This means he gifted me expensive items whilst I was seeing him.
    But as I don’t like being controlled – I stood up to him. The first time, I ran away from him in a busy café, as he was texting other ppl RUDE. He gave the silent treatment on 3-mnths. Then he came back and the next time, I knew he was flirting and seeing at least one other, so I became increasingly difficult to manage. For this, I got 2-mnths. He came back and intended to raise the stakes again to gifting me even more – a car.
    However, I gathered up evidence of his cheating on me during the last silent treatment and he suffered the worse kind of Narc-injury that is below only cheating. So the silent treatment started again, as he didn’t trust me quite the same way. I think if it weren’t for the gifts, he’d b gone for good. But the gifts means he has an excuse to contact me in future. So b aware that accepting gifts with a Narc – means there are strings attached! This time, I expect the silent treatment to last much much longer. So in this time, I will work on being a stronger person. It is a well earnt break, as the Narc had caused me stress-lines on my head. He says he’s not angered, but it’s self-projection – he is angry.
    My Q to the author is this: what does one do when the Narc partner disappeared but has ‘kept’ u well with his gifts?

    • Here’s what I think about the gifts….keep what you’ve got and accept no more. It doesn’t matter what he’s already given you because now you know the real reason that he gave them to you. Obviously, he is what he is and you owe him nothing. You already know that you’re not the only supply that he’s “buying”. Now that you’re getting a silent treatment (my ex’s favorite punishment as well), concentrate on Silence Appreciation and make a commitment to being without him. But accept no more gifts. You know what to do:)

      • Agree. Mines favorite tactic when he pushed reset was expensive gifts as well. I have a jewelry and designer bag collection that is the envy of all my friends. I gave a lot away but kept some things. Love my Rolex and damn I deserve it and everything. He showered me with gifts for a long time to control since ST always backfired on him. At end when he pulled his final ST I told him I will donate any gifts you give me to good will so don’t waste your money. It eventually gets old just like all their games and those gifts just like the hot sex come with a very high price. Your sanity. At the end I just wanted peace. Something I knew I would never get with him. We all deserve that.

        • Yup, we all deserve peace and the high price we pay for all the rest of it is never worth the pain….but DAMN GIRL, KEEP THE EARNED it! LOL

  5. I am wondering – why the silent treatment if the Narc needs his narc supply?
    seems a contradiction?

    and yes, I’ve received it. It was very early on and we were of casual – just thought it was a fade out. Actually I broke contact to see how long it would be before he called me. He didn’t call. I broke at 4 weeks – it is always 4 weeks.

    I remember what I said though after that first time: “You know when you ignore me I just want you more.” he replied “How much do you want me?”

    OMG I had no idea, it was like I was reading a NPD script lol. I come from a place of great ignorance with the NPD monster but reading those words, it is like I was speaking the future.

    • Hi Maggie,

      Thank you for your question and I’m happy that you are searching for information. I suffered through literally hundreds of silent treatments over 13-years with a narcissist and it was horrible. Please download my book When Love Is a Lie from Amazon. It’s a cheap and easy read and, believe me, you will see yourself on every page. You should also read through every article on this website because I explain the behaviors of these jerks in great detail.

      Narcissists use the silent treatment to 1) control the other partner (to show who’s in charge), 2) to validate their control (to see how you’ll react, i.e. what you do to try to get them to talk to you), 3) to keep you in a heightened state of anxiety (also about control), 4) to manage down your expectations of the relationship (i.e. the four week strategy – mine would do it in 6-week blocks and, at one point, every two weeks!) so that they know exactly what they can get away with, and THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE: so that he can spend time with someone else without interruption. Trust me, he’s never really alone when he’s not with you…especially for expanded lengths of time.

      I always say that when a narcissist shows back up at your doorstep, you can bet that another girl somewhere is getting the silent treatment.. Oh sure, he’ll swear up and down that he’s been alone, just working, blah blah blah…its’ a lie. Get my book – I’ll teach you all about it. I got to the point where I could predict almost to the hour when he would leave and when he would return!

      Stay educated and write anytime….


      Zari xx

  6. This is happening to me right now. Iv been going threw this almost 4 years now. Cheating then when id catch him out hed use the silent treatment. Once he moved states only to return 5 months later and of course I took him back. This time wed been broken up for 2 months and he came back saying he cant live without me and how much he loves me only for me to find out hes had a gf for the past year! I caught him out and then found out I was pregnant! Within 4 days he was on a plane and moved with hes new gf and won’t disscuss any options on the baby and won’t speak to me at all. I outted him to everyone so thats part of the reason he was so quick to moves towns again. Hes done it in another town n now here. I feel so shocked at how one person cant even discuss anything to do with hes child even when iv done nothing wrong by him. I have a feelin he will return again to play happy families he usually leaves me silent for 4 months roughly then returns. Hes family think its all me and hate me. I just hav no idea what to do.

    • Hi Rebecca,

      Thank you for sharing and I’m grateful you found your way to my website. What you are going through is horrible and I am so sorry for that. My nightmare lasted nearly 13 years and my ex, too, would disappear for four months at a time….over and over and over. the silent treatment nearly did me in. I know EXACTLY what your talking about. PLEASE, if you can, download my at least my first book When Love Is a Lie from Amazon because I guarantee it will EMPOWER you to see this clearly and begin making the right decisions for you and the baby. In this book, I explain the narcissist inside and out and I explain how I was finally able to mentally escape his hold over me. My ex’s family hated me as well. The narcissist is VERY good at convincing HIS world how ‘psycho’ we are while he is being as evil as it comes. And, believe me, he IS evil and NOTHING you did EVER caused any of this.

      Now, although I’m actually glad that your ex is out-of-state (because the farther away the better), the fact that you are pregnant certainly intensifies this whole thing. It blows my mind how the other woman (who is actually his new victim only she may not know this yet) would even want to deal with a dude who has another girl pregnant. I don’t usually say this but what the hell..does she KNOW that you’re pregnant???? because maybe she should, know what I mean? These jerks get away with murder. By suggesting maybe you should tell her, I’m in no way alluding to prompting him to come back because he will only continue to make you’re life a living hell if he does. I’m just sick of these guys doing what they want with no repercussions. If nothing else, maybe then SHE would make HIS life a living hell like he deserves!!! YOU, on the other hand, deserve peace and happiness…oh and CHILD SUPPORT. Although HE feels entitled to do whatever he wants with no responsibility to anyone, the law doesn’t feel the same way. And don’t worry what his family thinks…this is YOUR life.

      I’m here if you need me and I do hope and pray that you read the book because I absolutely believe it will give you a good bit of comfort and a whole lot of knowledge about what you’re dealing with here. Stay strong!!

      Zari xxoo

      • I dont think she knows. Hes told hes family im crazy so even if I do tell her im gathering hes already said to her im a physco. This been goin 4 years so im learning hes patterns but this is the first time hes let me know about someone hes with so im not sure if he will return ir not. I find im always on edge cos everytime I least expect it he msges me or calls or turns up. Iv got two other lil boys an hes played so many games with thier heads but he says im over reacting and this is my fault cos I over react about everything and he eould treat me the way he does if I wasnt such a mental case. Iv been to a physcologiest trying to get my head around things an that didnt help this is when I had an avo out on him an he still returned an I still let him. Im still trying to work out if maybe he does really love this other girl. It jis goes round an round an round my head all day an all night its insane. He wont reply when Iv asked to disscuss our options hes jus packed up moved an gotten on with hes life sn thats it. Hes friends didnt even know he had moved they read it on face book. An things like thst hes got how much he loves this girl an wants a family with her an hed never go public with thats stuff with me. Its honestly mind blowing. I dont know how u did 13 years of this. I dont even know how a normal relationship works anymore or if maybe I did over react bout this an he jus got over me. I think im turning into the crazy one. I have to see hes family all the time am hes dad constantly walks past work an glares at me. I dunno im lost here hey I cant take much more

        • Hi Rebecca,

          I agree…we completely forget what normalcy is and how normal partners behave. The narcissist conditions us to feel this way in very passive-aggressive ways so that we’ll hang around waiting (even if we don’t know that we’re waiting). As for this new girl, I’m still hard-pressed to understand what these girls think. Seriously, I would hope she DIDN’T know because if she did and this is all okay, she’s as much as a wacko as he is. If the guy that I was dating had just left his ex pregnant in another state and now was acting as if the whole relationship didn’t happen, I’d be starting some major shit about that. A psycho ex is one thing – but a pregnant psycho ex is an entirely different matter and would give me the impression that maybe it was HIM that was psycho, not her.

          Okay, again…I never say this and I’m sure that if I knew you weren’t pregnant, I would be strongly advising against it…but, depending on what you plan to do, this girl needs to know. Why should he be allowed to get away with this? He’s a narcissist, girlfriend, and there is absolutely no chance that he will ever want to be a daddy to your baby or anybody’s baby. Children are nothing more than additional pawns that a narcissist can do to play his evil game. And there’s nothing you can do to change how he is inside. This is what narcissists DO. PLEASE read my books….they will explain this in much clearer terms. In fact, I am going to send all three of them to you in PDF version to the email that I have for you as soon as I finish this message.

          A narcissist can not be fixed with all the love in the world or with therapy or with any magic pill. HOWEVER, there are things you can do to make him be accountable IF that’s what you plan for the future. I do not know how far along you are but, if you plan on following through, you need to decide how he fits in legally. Child support? Do you put his name on the birth certificate? If you choose not to put his name on the certificate or go for the support, do NOT under any circumstances allow him to pop in and out while you foot the entire bill and take all the responsibility. I’m not sure that you understand that his behavior is not acceptable under any circumstances.

          As for love, he doesn’t love this girl because he doesn’t love anyone. But this means he doesn’t love you either or your boys. He mimics the emotions he needs to have to get what he wants and that’s all he does. I know that it’s fucked and it’s so hard to wrap your head around it but I want you to understand. He’s not going to come back because you’re having his baby. He doesn’t care. In fact, he’s probably pissed that “you got yourself pregnant” because it would definitely mess with his game no matter where he lives. AND THAT’S WHY I CAN’T HELP BUT WISH YOU COULD RIP HIS WORLD WIDE OPEN BY LETTING HER KNOW. Your situation makes me so angry!!!

          Please know that I never judge anyone and sometimes I might come across as harsh but I decided a long time ago that I can’t help anyone long distance without laying it on the line. I truly care about you so I DO NOT want you to disappear while you’re going through this, okay?

          Now I am going to go send you the books. Please let me know if you don’t receive them or if that email is not the right one I should be sending them to.

          Zari xxoo

  7. Iv spent the last few days reading ur first book thank u for sending them to me. I was talking to my exs best friend and he was saying my ex told everyone it was all me who was manipulating an doin the returning all the time. He knows this is un true and he is mind blown what I’ve been threw. As for this baby I chose not to have it. I wasn’t very far along so I still had the choice. I was reading up on ppl who have hav baby’s to these ppl an their lives have been hell. I don’t want these ties to him cos I’m to scared he will return an it’ll all start again. He’s not aware that I have terminated it becos he couldn’t b bothered answering me when I said I was pregnant so y should I bother tellin him what I decided. As for the new girl there is no point even contacting her. My ex would have said I’m some mental case who is obsessed with him. He said this to me when we were first together about he’s ex gf who kept calling him. Little did I know she was copping the silent treatment. Even tho he’s disappeared and moved states without telling anyone my heart panics that he will return once this girl figures out what she’s dealing with. He always works in 4 month silent treatments then out of the blue he comes back saying he’s sorry. A part of me wants that to happen so I can ignore him and win but another part is scared becos I don’t know if il b strong enough when that happens. He knows this baby was a huge deal for me cos all I wanted was marriage an a baby to him along with my two lil boys. He’s silent treatment an no closure scares me cos I’m worried he’s still playing the game. He has a really bad gambling problem so it won’t b long before he’s gf realises he’s can’t pay he’s own way. My heart goes out to her. I’m still having really bad days as terminating our child was so horrible for me and getting my head around that he’s had this girl the past year then packs up an moves without wrd is mind baffling. We’ve broken up 17 times now and it works on the same cycle. He ignores me then returns. I can’t believe how what uv written in ur book is so spot on even down to him saying stop being so negative. I use to get that all the time. And when I caught him cheating the first time I read out txt msges he had sent a girl an he responded with ” the shit jus never ends with u does it. U wonder y I look for someone else” then 2 weeks later we were back together. This has been 4 years of this cycle. And the fact u mentioned after a good day came punishment. I too had that all the time. I use to get scared when it was nice and we had done something I really enjoyed cos with every good thing came something horrendous. Or any occasions like Christmas birthdays my dead mothers bday or anything I was upset over he’s turn it into a huge fight an make the day even more hell than it already was an make it about him. When my cat died I had the kids in the car taking it to the vets an I apparently took to long so I was accused of cheating. I had my kids an cat in the car! Turned into a huge fight with the heater being thrown at me an I was crying my eyes out. He picked me up off the floor had sex with me then pushed me off him and rolled over an went to sleep. Sex with him was more the other way. I use to hav to beg for it an then he would say I was such a slut and a disgusting mother cos it was all I cared about. After a break up he would turn up at my house banging on the windows drunk until I let him in. Iv suffered from really high levels anxiety from silent treatments to the point I couldn’t eat I lost ten kilos an my hair fell out. Then I’d pick myself up an get it together then he would return. It’s like he knew I was ok an then he’d come back. I’m not sure if this was the final discard cos never before has he let a social media site know he’s got another gf but he has this time. So I’m thrown off as to know what to expect now. I’m jus sitting day by day trying to get my mind right and takin it as it comes n dealing with the loss of a child an everything I dreamed of with this man is gone

    • Hi Rebecca,

      I am so, so sorry that you are going through this….all the loss, all the grief, and all the confusion over this whole nightmare. In as much as I know you wanted the baby, I do believe that you made the appropriate decision. This is the rest of your life we’re talking about here and I feel that you should do whatever it takes to make your recovery as expedient as possible. I know all too well how the silent treatments can kill because it was nearly the death of me too. The anxiety, as you know, is indescribable and we allow them to return sometimes for no other reason than to make that feeling inside GO AWAY. Even though I knew he was a bastard and God knows where he’d been, I’d let him back in just to feel the relief. Within seconds of him being back, even though I’d still feel sad, I’d physically feel light as a feather. Anything was better than wearing that 1000lb weight of separation anxiety! I get it, girl, I really do.

      The thing here is that you still seem to be waiting and that’s what I’m worried about. You say that you’re “thrown off as to know what to expect now” and this is where victims get stuck. The truth is that we actually DO know what to expect because we’ve seen it a hundred times before. A narcissist and everything he brings to a relationship is nothing if not predictable. He will never change – not for you, not for anyone. I guarantee that this girlfriend he’s flashing around social media is not having a great time or, if she is, it’s about to end soon. The aspects of the relationship that you miss were never real, sister. You know how mean he can be….do you really think that he’s changed and now he’s Mister Perfect? It’s not logical. He’s a narcissist and he can’t change.

      Now, it is time to work on you and no one else. If you feel like grieving, then give yourself the time to do that. Write it all down…start a journal. This time HAS to be the final discard, Rebecca. YOU need to decide that it’s over even if he, at some point, decides to pop back in to make sure that you’re still in the queue. My ex would get drunk too and pound on the door for hours or throw rocks up at my window from the back of my building, calling my name until I got so embarrassed I had to let him in. It’s all a sick game of cat and mouse and it will go on forever. He has no right to EVER come back into your life after what’s happened. He just has no right.

      I know you can do this. You are worth so much in this world – far more than he could ever hope to deserve. Even if he returns, it won’t be for any good reason and he will make sure to hurt you more than ever before on the next discard. This is your time to heal and recover so take your time to do it and take as much time as you want. But while you’re doing it, please keep moving forward. No waiting or wondering and no expectations of anything left behind. I used to play a game of Postpone & Pretend where, if I felt an overwhelming sadness that threatened to put me down, I would postpone the sadness for 24 hours. After that 24 hours, I would postpone it again and so forth and so on. And I would “pretend”…go about my business as if all was okay. Eventually, you’ll realize that somewhere along the way you stopped having to postpone and you stopped having to pretend. It happens when you’re not looking and it happens when you least expect it but I promise it will happen.

      Stay strong, my friend. I am thinking of you and I believe with all my heart that you have done the right thing. All you need now is to heal and be free. Write me anytime…

      Zari xo

  8. Thank u so much u are the only person who understands. Thank u for all ur help. I’m jus gunna take the days as they come and heal. I can’t thank u enough u have really helped me xxxx

      • Well didn’t take as long as I thought. 3am an I get a msg askin what I’m doing off a random number. This is how it always starts. Thanks to u I know I can do this an be strong. Thanks u xxx

        • Stay strong, Rebecca!! I know you can do it….do not respond, do not answer, and keep moving on. As long as you do this, you will always be in control. If he calls more than once from any given number, BLOCK IT. Or if you suspect he’s calling from payphones or friends numbers one by one, block them as they come. Only takes a second. He may keep switching but you can just keep blocking, that’s all. Remain in control……I have faith in you!!!

          Zari xxoo

  9. I happen to be looking through the web on silent treatment and came across your page. OMG! Thank you!
    I dated a lady for 7 months, met her family, grandchildren and we did so much together and had lots in common. We never had a major fight or anything. I treated her with respect and love.
    Shes had a hard life with a bad previous marriage and other things that happened to her.
    About 2 months ago her mother became terminally ill and she was stressing about that and other things going on in her life. I understood and offered to help in anyway i could. A week later i got a text saying she was stressed and her life waz on hold and she couldnt be in a relationship at all and at the time.
    She said i was a great person and she wanted to stay in touch because i brought happiness into her life.
    I didnt respond till the next day and said i understood and wasnt going anywhere and id be there if she ever needed.
    After my response i havent heard from her in over 2 months. I tried calling, texting and even sent her flowers and nothing. Just silence.
    Am i over reacting and is this really affecting her that hard?
    Her mom had brain surgery a month before her teminal illness and she was stressed then and i didnt see her for a week and a half. But we kept in touch.
    Now its just silence and nothing.
    Im really hurting thinking i did something wrong but god as my witness i havent so i know its not me.
    Is she narcisstic? Depressed or just stressed and needs time?
    Im so confusex and angry at her for just throwing me away not to mention the emotional torment im going through.
    Thank you,

    • Hi Stephan,

      Please forgive me for taking so long to get to your comment/post. Here’s my take on your situation: based on what you’ve shared, I would have to say that she really was going through a hard time and, for whatever reason, decided that she either didn’t want or couldn’t handle a relationship right now. I don’t see any characteristics that would lead me to believe she was narcissistic. Now, having said that, this doesn’t mean that I think she went about the break-up in the right way or if she even had to break-up at all. People handle situations in different ways and having a mother with a terminal brain cancer (I assume) is a horrible thing to have to go through. I know that I was going through that, I wouldn’t be the best partner for anyone and I would just want to concentrate on that and not have to worry about being connected to anyone.

      You did nothing wrong and I’m glad you don’t feel that you did. You sound like a very nice person and it’s more than likely her loss since it appears you would have been there for her. Guys like you are hard to find. Perhaps you could send her a note or a card just to say hi and to let her know that you are still thinking of her and if there is anything you can do to let her know, etc. If you get no response, then I would let it go even though it hurts. If you do hear from her and she asks to see4 you, take it slow and do not even mention the torment you feel and how she handled the break-up. Let her lead the way.

      I’m sorry that it happened and I do feel for you. If you think about it, please let me know what happened and what you decided to do. Again, I do apologize for the delay in responding and it won’t happen again, I promise.

      Zari xo

  10. Hi zari
    So I’m up to book number 3 and it’s still
    Blowing my mind how exact the feelings an methods u used are the same as mine. Last few weeks have been a struggle and he’s dad constantly staring in at my work isn’t helping. I got a annomus msg on a old dating site that my ex knows I’m on saying how disgusting I look. This also happens every time we break up before he returns. I feel like a nut case but it’s the same patterns again. Anyway it really hasn’t been an easy few weeks I find the only thing stopping me from breaking the no contact is reading ur books. I can’t thank u enough for helping me. I find myself avoiding our mural friends like two days ago I hid in the supermarket jus so I didn’t hav to talk to them, or il avoid anywhere where I know our mural friends are jus so I don’t hear about him. I’m off any social media sites atm aswell. And iv been looking for a new pl to live in case the door knocking starts if he comes home at Christmas time. An as if all this wasn’t mad enough I still cry over the fact I still love him. After everything I still miss him n I don’t even know y. My 5 year old and I had a talk cos he said to me, mummy I really thought daine (myex) would have came back by now. U remember mummy he keeps coming and goin. Made me realise I’m not the only one with a hurt mind. As painful as this all is I jus wanted to write an day thank u. Ur books hav honestly saved my satiety xxxx

    • Hi Rebecca,

      I know it’s so hard and narcissists just LOVE to mess up the holidays whether their around or not. I got a chill when you mentioned the knocking at the door. It’s a knock neither me OR my son will ever forget because it would come out-of-the-blue and just when I was starting to feel better. What assholes they are!!!! And my son is older now but he was only nine when the N came into our life and he was right there with me. Yes, they get hurt too and so many times I was so preoccupied with what he was doing to ME to really pay attention to that. He was a promise breaker to both of us.

      Thank YOU for sharing and I feel privileged to help in any way that I can, girlfriend!

      Zari xo