Is the Narcissist Happy Now? (A Reality Check)

is-the-narcissist-happyWhen we leave a narcissist or the narcissist discards us, there’s always the worry that he/she will move on to become a different person. Although we know he’s still an asshole, we imagine that he’s truly in love now and as happy as can be and we just don’t get itBut how could he be happy? How can he love her and not me? Maybe he ISN’T a narcissist! Even though we shouldn’t give a shit, it’s normal to feel this way given the time that we’ve invested in the relationship. And while it’s natural to feel this after almost every type of break-up (including normal ones), a broken heart never weighs so heavy as it does when our ex-partner is a narcissist. Consequently, in order to move on, we’ve simply GOT to shake that nagging uncomfortable feeling that he’s suddenly happy and the easiest way to do this is by changing our perspective.

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The truth is that no, a true narcissist never changes his stripes – ever. And, moreover, it’s highly unlikely that he wasn’t a narcissist because of all the mind-boggling behaviors that led you to my website and others like it. If our exes weren’t narcissists, we would have never had reasons to goggle things like “my boyfriend gives me the silent treatment” or “my girlfriend disappears and reappears like it’s no big deal” or “my boyfriend keeps his cell phone hidden” or (from my own 13-year hell) “Why would my boyfriend change his cell number 10 times in two years?” The list goes on and on. Bottom line is that you don’t have to wonder about that. Your ex IS a narcissist and a narcissist never changes his stripes no matter who his victim is. Eventually, her story will be just like your story. It’s just a matter of time.

So, is your ex happy in his new relationship? The answer is a resounding NO, he is not. He’s the exact same jerk he’s always been except that, right now, he’s in the Idolize future-faking an unfortunate new target. Rest assured he is following the exact same relationship agenda and, inevitably, as it did with you, everything wonderful will take a tragic turn. In the meantime, though, he’s going to do everything he can to create an illusion of happiness. The narcissist will take to Facebook and/or other forms of social media with a vengeance, posting happy picture upon happy picture in hopes that you will SEE how fucking happy he is and LEARN YOUR LESSON! And if, by chance, you choose to avoid social media post-breakup, he’ll continue to post on the chance that your friends will see it! The new victim, of course, will post as well but with an entirely different intention. Chances are good that she doesn’t even know who you are or that you even existed at all. The poor dear actually believes he really loves her…just like you did. A narcissist never ever changes.

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You see, creating an illusion of happiness is a narcissist’s favorite form of post-breakup damage control. It’s just another narcissistic tactic for casting doubt, instilling anxiety, and retaining basic control over your emotions. The intention of the N now is to quickly reinvent himself – like a chameleon – according to his new surroundings and circle of friends. It will appear that he’s become a completely different person almost overnight but it’s actually a grand ruse. It’s a carefully contrived transformation that suddenly alludes to everything that you never knew him to be. In other words, if he appeared to have no friends while he was with you, it will appear on social media as if he is surrounded by friends in his new relationship. See? I have friends now – all those friends that never came around because of YOU! It’s an illusion…and it will never last. He can create a million disguises but the fact is he is what he is. A narcissist is a pretender who simply rinses and repeats a charade. How long do you think he can keep from telling even the teeniest of lies? How long before he starts playing the Cell Phone Game and giving her the silent treatment? You know this person inside and out and nothing has changed just because you’ve broken up. The narcissist was born a chameleon and he will be a chameleon long after you’re gone.

So, dry your cryin’ eyes, my friends, and let us all be grateful that our ex is someone else’s problem. It’s time to overcome the pain and become free of unhealthy relationships. If you feel a pang one morning, simply play the game of Postpone & Pretend and continue on with your day. As for social media, I can only say stay away from it. An avid Facebook checker (and hacker) during my relationship, I chose to completely avoid it after the break-up and it had everything to do with my recovery. What I didn’t see couldn’t hurt me and it will work the same for you. You’d be amazed.

The only thing that has changed about you OR the narcissist is that YOU are free.  And Amen to that!

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    May 7, 2017 at 8:44 am Reply

    I have read ‘When Love is a Lie’, and it is so amazing, but….I have just seen my Narc ex walking hand in hand with his new girlfriend, and it has cut through me like a knife. I feel absolutely gutted, I feel like the wind has gone right out of my sails…and i was doing so well in my recovery. (we have been apart a year now). I actually feel awful..i don’t know if its lost love, cos boy did o love him, or is it fear?? i wish i knew. I hope it doesn’t set me back…but now i have seen her, and its real i want to warn her of the devastation she has to come, and there is no other word for it..devastation. I was his third wife, he has left a trail of wreck behind as he arrogantly goes through life so superior. sorry for the rant..I just can’t explain my feelings

  • Pamela Martin

    May 6, 2017 at 1:59 pm Reply

    I met my N ,12 years ago..he got my info while incarated with my son…at the time my son from my ex husband were only 18 yrs.. The N started writing me fairy-tale story about needed a wife and were a man of God… and will be out in six months. .. By this time my son now 19 yrs old already, yes….my baby boy tender age.. The N is now out after writing each other about Love each about Love, and he wanted to get married because he didn’t want to fornication. ..I married BOYFOOLISH. … 6 months down the road, didn’t want to marry this quickly because I will loose my SS.C. i earned for being married to my Ex husband for 23 yrs…but the N..swear he would put them back..But i married him..and soon after the mask came off i was like WTF..because he started beating me, bitch let me see ypur hair I love extoic nice hair..I called my SONS. .ALL of him ask what the F. going on dude thats our mom better not hurt her.. It were his warning..long story short he saw i had POWER ..for his abusive ways…3 months later this fool begg for my baby son # ..I gave to him, he convince my son to do a crime with him and told him stick to the code dont snitch. .which he didn’t because he were never implicated in the case he were..this foolish habitual criminal. .got 5 yrs…and because my son didn’t know the system like his criminal Axx.. did he got 40 yrs…for a crime with my sorry N name M.O.,all imprinted on it…I took care both of them ..5 yrs..the ungrateful N. is out,no remorse, regret ,or resentful. .. I’ve put him back in for domestic violence 5 times,lies and deception, son is doing the worse time, for this fool.. sabotaging i put him out…I’ve paid three attorneys now a P.I., while he has no respect no regards . regardless. .all road trips to ser my son he sabotage. . Im praying for my son that he will be vindicated. .my son have been doing hard time for this fool 12 yrs now..and all the N. undercover creating, porn crap,and a state of mine anything FUCKABLE. I kept a tight rope then when he kept sabotaging my son freedom i gave him enough of rope to hang himself. .Now that he is out i can focus on god, getting my son out of this intanglement..,because he were and distraction. .when i put him in jail 2015 i search what he were doing towards me..and there it was …not only did i find out he were a N. i found why…his mother. .she abandoned him from childhood, then in prison for 16yrs before me…im done ..for 12 yrs..i thought i were crazy..i am good. .after he slam me to the floor he were scare i told him his days were number. . for putting his hands on me..and his things will be on the back porch im with my daughter. .im good not only that its a DONE DEAL ITS A SEAL DEAL. ..GLORY TO GOD. ..A BLESSING IN DISGUISE. . MY STRESS LEVEL IS DOWN, AND I COULD SAY,I GAVE HIM A RUN FOR HIS MONEY. .HE WAS LOOKING RUN DOWN..IT TOOK ME 18 MONTHS TO EXECUTE. ..MY BILLS ARE PAID UP ,AND I WILL DIVORCE HIM FOR ASS HIS NEXT VICTIM GOOD WRITTENS. WE HAVE A CHOICE TO DANCE WITH THE DEVIL OR LIVE FREE WILL, I WILL DO MY HOMEWORK NEXT TIME…AND KEEP IT MOVING, IF I SEE THE SIGNS.. KARMA HAS IT WAY….

    • Zari Ballard

      May 8, 2017 at 7:18 pm Reply

      Wow, Pamela! You go, girl!! I am so sorry about your son and, with the truth on your side, maybe there will be vindication. I would be insane about that, knowing my son had taken the fall for such a scumbag. But I have had enough friends who have done long prison time for various offenses and yes, there sure is a code! I hope and pray that this will turn around for you now that this horrendous man is out of your life. It sounds as if you are close to your children and this will get you through. I had to smirk when you said you had FIVE SONS WHO PAID HIM A WARNING. That ought to keep him at bay!

      God Bless you, sister! I wish you nothing but the best…you have been through hell and back. There’s only one way to go and that’s UP:)

      Zari xo

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