Is the Narcissist Happy Now? (A Reality Check)

is-the-narcissist-happyWhen we leave a narcissist or the narcissist discards us, there’s always the worry that he/she will move on to become a different person. Although we know he’s still an asshole, we imagine that he’s truly in love now and as happy as can be and we just don’t get itBut how could he be happy? How can he love her and not me? Maybe he ISN’T a narcissist! Even though we shouldn’t give a shit, it’s normal to feel this way given the time that we’ve invested in the relationship. And while it’s natural to feel this after almost every type of break-up (including normal ones), a broken heart never weighs so heavy as it does when our ex-partner is a narcissist. Consequently, in order to move on, we’ve simply GOT to shake that nagging uncomfortable feeling that he’s suddenly happy and the easiest way to do this is by changing our perspective.

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The truth is that no, a true narcissist never changes his stripes – ever. And, moreover, it’s highly unlikely that he wasn’t a narcissist because of all the mind-boggling behaviors that led you to my website and others like it. If our exes weren’t narcissists, we would have never had reasons to goggle things like “my boyfriend gives me the silent treatment” or “my girlfriend disappears and reappears like it’s no big deal” or “my boyfriend keeps his cell phone hidden” or (from my own 13-year hell) “Why would my boyfriend change his cell number 10 times in two years?” The list goes on and on. Bottom line is that you don’t have to wonder about that. Your ex IS a narcissist and a narcissist never changes his stripes no matter who his victim is. Eventually, her story will be just like your story. It’s just a matter of time.

So, is your ex happy in his new relationship? The answer is a resounding NO, he is not. He’s the exact same jerk he’s always been except that, right now, he’s in the Idolize future-faking an unfortunate new target. Rest assured he is following the exact same relationship agenda and, inevitably, as it did with you, everything wonderful will take a tragic turn. In the meantime, though, he’s going to do everything he can to create an illusion of happiness. The narcissist will take to Facebook and/or other forms of social media with a vengeance, posting happy picture upon happy picture in hopes that you will SEE how fucking happy he is and LEARN YOUR LESSON! And if, by chance, you choose to avoid social media post-breakup, he’ll continue to post on the chance that your friends will see it! The new victim, of course, will post as well but with an entirely different intention. Chances are good that she doesn’t even know who you are or that you even existed at all. The poor dear actually believes he really loves her…just like you did. A narcissist never ever changes.

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You see, creating an illusion of happiness is a narcissist’s favorite form of post-breakup damage control. It’s just another narcissistic tactic for casting doubt, instilling anxiety, and retaining basic control over your emotions. The intention of the N now is to quickly reinvent himself – like a chameleon – according to his new surroundings and circle of friends. It will appear that he’s become a completely different person almost overnight but it’s actually a grand ruse. It’s a carefully contrived transformation that suddenly alludes to everything that you never knew him to be. In other words, if he appeared to have no friends while he was with you, it will appear on social media as if he is surrounded by friends in his new relationship. See? I have friends now – all those friends that never came around because of YOU! It’s an illusion…and it will never last. He can create a million disguises but the fact is he is what he is. A narcissist is a pretender who simply rinses and repeats a charade. How long do you think he can keep from telling even the teeniest of lies? How long before he starts playing the Cell Phone Game and giving her the silent treatment? You know this person inside and out and nothing has changed just because you’ve broken up. The narcissist was born a chameleon and he will be a chameleon long after you’re gone.

So, dry your cryin’ eyes, my friends, and let us all be grateful that our ex is someone else’s problem. It’s time to overcome the pain and become free of unhealthy relationships. If you feel a pang one morning, simply play the game of Postpone & Pretend and continue on with your day. As for social media, I can only say stay away from it. An avid Facebook checker (and hacker) during my relationship, I chose to completely avoid it after the break-up and it had everything to do with my recovery. What I didn’t see couldn’t hurt me and it will work the same for you. You’d be amazed.

The only thing that has changed about you OR the narcissist is that YOU are free.  And Amen to that!

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  • Ashley Rose

    June 23, 2017 at 9:34 am Reply

    I’d like to share my personal story. When I was in my early 20s I met a guy, who was about my age and we hooked on.
    After a few dates, we began a relationship. It continued, although he went studying abroad. We saw each other that Christmas and he even made plans to spend new year’s eve with me. However, these plans never came to being. He became silent. I tried to call him several times and he answered one my calls saying he had gotten drunk with is friends and that I was a boring person. I just called him because the new year’s eve plans were his idea, not mine.

    As years went by, he tried to called me a couple times and he even invited to visit him, which, of course, I declined. About two months ago, I saw his Facebook profile and invited him to be my friend on Facebook. Nine years had passed, so I thought he had forgotten me. Big mistake!!!!! At first, it was just hi or how are you. But then, the love bombing came. I had been the only decent woman of his life…blah blah. He wanted to stay with me as he was now a different person. He would never hurt as he did in the past (now he’s in his early 30s). While I was never fully convinced, I decided to play his game. It was seeing to believe. Long hours of videocalls and loving text messages and so on. Lots of plans for the future. He even wanted me to attend a friend’s wedding, having bought the flight tickets and talked about future marriage plans. He even lectured me because I wasn’t fully convinced that he truly loved me.

    After rekindling, we saw each other twice as he was working in a different city. For one month, he made plans for the weekends, but when weekends came he remained silent. He was too busy and reaching him on Facebook was getting harder. I had the feeling there was something wrong (he kept postponing the date of the supposed flight). And I was right.

    By the end, he behavior was disgusting. On one Sunday, he said he missed me and I would see him soon. But, on the following Friday I saw newly posted photos on his profile that hinted that he was with another woman (she was not visible on the photos but was identified on them). I tried talking to him and he immediately blocked on Facebook, even though I never mentioned I had seen the photos. A few days later, a friend of mine told me this woman, in mid to late 40s, identified herself as being in a relationship with that piece of trash. All my friends were shocked with his behavior.

  • Lee

    June 5, 2017 at 1:24 pm Reply

    I was with my N for a little over a year. We became best of friends and I decided to move my children and me 1500 miles away from home to live with him and his children. A few months in he was faced and still facing a custody battle with his Children ( he has physical custody) and now the mother wants them back, his second marriage was a train wreck and there are still issues there today he battles.. there has been so many events that has changed who he was in my eyes and our relationship. He would sleep most of the day, I tried to keep a clean home, help him on the ranch, anything that I could do for him I did it. I started seeing myself disrespected by him and his children, called horrible names if I was at all effected my his or his childrens behavior, bitch and c*NT his favorite, he would throw my clothes out of the house into the yard, told me to eat shit and dye several times and in front of his 14 year old son. Until the end did I snap, I found myself crying and begging him to talk to me to save me from what I was feeling , he ignored me, or bullied me into a corner or shoving his finger in my face with threats, my children and I went without power water and hardly any food for about 3 weeks before I left and jumped on a plane with my child and back home. My mother helped us. He would tell me we had no money, I had a job offer but was told my place was at the house taking care of our family. Which was fine with me if he had only been doing the same. It’s been almost 2 weeks gone and I still have contact with him but I know it would be a mistake to go back. He says he’s working on getting the house and money back in order but I still catch him in lies. And not only 24 hours being away i got a message from another women how he should get a restraining order on me and going off on me in his defense. Needless to say I took care of her right away. Told her if she was ok with her Children living like that she and her kids can clean out stuff out of his house. We left with just enough clothes to get us by on. And I dont know nor understand how I can miss someone like this.

    • Zari Ballard

      July 2, 2017 at 4:12 pm Reply

      Hi Lee,

      We can miss someone “like this” because we are caring, compassionate people who can’t wrap our head around the fact that anyone we love so much could really be this way. That’s all it is. I hope and pray you have not gone back. He will always do this to you. Get yourself together financially…get back on your feet so you can feel confident in your life and your future. Educate yourself and come to a place of acceptance. Read through my blog (over 85 articles in it) and others like it. If you can, book some talk time with me so we can strategize for your new life. It was NEVER you, sister, and you deserve to be happy.

      Zari xo

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