Narcissists and sociopaths use very specific strategies to manipulate victims and streamline the codependency of just about anyone who gets close to them. In the first part of this article series, A Sociopath Exposes the Narcissist (Part 1), I described a website/blog written by a female sociopath for sociopaths that discusses everything about how sociopaths think, manipulate, and calculate the demise of others. Since I personally believe that narcissists and sociopaths are cut from the very same cloth ( a comparison that smacks of an insult to a sociopath), I am going to offer up, in this article, some actual content written by this self-described/self-diagnosed sociopath relative to compartmentalization. Again, compartmentalization is how narcissists and sociopaths justify their behaviors and actions within their own twisted minds. It is how they organize the strategies that, in effect, dictate how they will treat the people who love them as well as anyone who crosses their path and could possibly serve a purpose.
I’m offering this content relative to the three questions that are always at the forefront of every victim’s mind in the aftermath of a relationship with a narcissist: how narcissists juggle relationships, how narcissists can so easily pretend to love us one minute and then so obviously hate us the next, and why narcissists always return ( hoover back). The underlying message of the answers, taken from a post on this particular blog, presents some very scary shit and basically proves that my, yours, everyone’s analysis of these reptiles (as one of my readers so aptly described her own!) is correct. Moreover, I think sometimes that we actually do need to hear it from the horse’s mouth in order to really wrap our heads around deliberately despicable behaviors that cause so much pain. Basically it comes down to one question: How do they do it?
Now, keep in mind that whether this content is contrived to appease non-narcissists/sociopaths, I can’t be sure… but it sure makes sense to me! So, here we go….
How can narcissists lie so easily, juggle numerous relationships, and keep it all straight so that one relationship rarely finds out about the other?
The answer, from the mouth of a sociopath/narcissist: For me, not only is Game Theory one fashion of handling life, but the concept of compartmentalization. As many people have commented, trying to keep everything in order (in regards to the lies, half-truths, manipulations, “games,” etc.) would be exceedingly difficult. And it would be, if the sociopath’s mind operated as a normal person’s. Everything in my mind is organized sort of like folders and folder groups that you might find in, say, Windows Explorer; everything has its place. When a situation presents itself, or I am with a certain friend(s), I simply “open” up that folder and behave accordingly. When one’s mind is organized in such a way that no thought co-mingles with others, you don’t have the problem of “remembering all of the lies,” because you have everything you need neatly stored away, waiting to be accessed at the right time. This same concept of compartmentalization applies in all walks of life, whether it be love, friendships, work, etc. Another quality of this is enabling oneself to keep track of friend circles and ensuring that none of these circles cross in any way; this can allow for you to more easily adapt to any number of given situations per friend circle: a different personality, find another lover (in addition to, or instead of, one you may already have). I find that I am in many different circles, but almost as a ghost; I can walk in and out of these circles almost unnoticed and not missed. I was once described by a teacher as, “a loner who is never alone.”
How is it possible for narcissists to pretend they love their partners when they actually could care less?
The answer, from the mouth of a sociopath/narcissist: Sociopaths seem to be exceptionally good at compartmentalizing, which would explain why it is possible for him both to have cared (and perhaps still care) for you very much but seem to not be at all interested in you now. A good way for normal people to understand the extent to which this works is to think of a vivid dream, perhaps an anxiety dream in which you dream of things that need to happen, projects that need to get done, problems that need to get solved. During the dream you get very caught up in the urgency of things, whatever it is that you are dreaming about becomes very important to you, you can’t imagine a world in which this was not a primary concern for you. When you wake up from the dream there are still lingering feelings of the dream. Perhaps you just have the feeling that you need to do something, or maybe you actually remember specifics of what you supposedly “need” to do. Within the first fifteen minutes or so of wakefulness, however, you eventually realize that it was just a dream, that you really don’t have to worry about those things at all, and so you continue living this other life and quickly forget about the dream life. That is how much sociopaths can compartmentalize. The dream world never fully goes away, maybe they remember some of it, or something will remind them of it, but for the most part it and the feelings felt are a faint memory. Those feelings associated were “real” in that they reflect how the sociopath would feel under the circumstances of the dream, but those circumstances just turned out not to be true.
Why do narcissists always hoover their way back (at some point) after a discard?
The answer, from the mouth of a sociopath/narcissist: A lot of people ask me why a sociopath who has ended a relationship would still go through a great deal of effort to ensure that contact is never cut off completely.When sociopaths are involved in any serious relationship, they become a special version of themselves just for that person. I think the sociopath’s desire to check in is a desire to reconnect with that person that he once was, the same way that people might nostalgically flip through photo albums, even if the photos are only of themselves. Why to people go to a reunion? Is it really to catch up with old friends, or more to remember who they used to be? And why can’t we be multiple things to multiple people? I’ve been thinking recently whether I collect other people, or whether I allow myself to be collected. Even worthless junk can become priceless in the hands of the right collector.
There’s no doubt in my mind that all of the above confirms everything I have assumed about the narcissistic relationship agenda that I discuss at length in my book When Love Is a Lie. In the third and final article in this series, What is the Narcissist Really Thinking (Sociopath Series Part 3/3), I’ll offer content from this same blog that answers other questions we have about what narcissists and sociopaths think, how they “feel” about themselves, how they live without a moral compass, and so forth.
Seriously, you can’t make this stuff up (or can they?)…..