Recognizing, for the first time, that your long-time lover has a narcissistic personality can be a devastating discovery. Narcissistic behaviors like the silent treatment are often catalysts for the discovery and for many, the shock never goes away, lingering long after the narcissist has given the Discard and disappeared to find other sources of supply. Often many years will pass during the relationship before the “good” partner finally even begins to do the research needed to validate his/her suspicions and put a label on the questionable behaviors of the other partner. With so much time invested in a relationship, it’s difficult to accept that the love you thought you shared with someone was, indeed, a farce….but the sad truth is that, with a narcissistic partner, a farce is all it can be.
Someone with a narcissistic personality is very adept at getting exactly what they want out of a relationship – even if they have to bleed the other person dry. Sex, lies, and passive-aggressive manipulation are the three more powerful strategies in the narcissist’s arsenal of emotional weapons and he will use each one to prove just how expert a marksman he truly is. Having a narcissistic personality disorder means constantly having to search and seek out new and better means of supply to fulfill his/her relationship agenda. Since a narcissist is unable to feel remorse, guilt, sympathy, or empathy, the fact that his main source of supply (i.e. the loving partner) must often be destroyed and resurrected over and over again in order to keep him happy (and interested) matters not. The more the “good” partner suffers, the more alive the disordered partner feels – and around and around it goes.
The main point to remember about a partner with this disorder is that they can not ever be fixed – and nor do they care to be. Narcissists like themselves just the way they are. Narcissists have no problem abandoning families and loved ones and then acting as if these loyal individuals never existed. Often, a narcissist will disappear for weeks or months, only to reappear on the doorstep as if nothing happened. In my 13-year relationship with a narcissistic boyfriend, I accepted this behavior over and over even though it devastated me. Even now, two years after the final Discard, I can’t believe that I allowed that to happen. But I did. Hundreds of times. What narcissists do is manage down the relationship expectations of the victim to the point that the narcissist can pretty much come and go as he/she pleases without repercussions. It’s nothing short of severe emotional manipulation and abuse and you must always be aware of this.
Narcissism, unfortunately, has become an epidemic in today’s social networking lifestyles. These sexual and emotional predators enjoy the challenge of online dating where they can wear their masks quite a bit longer and catch the very vulnerable. Learning to recognize the signs/behaviors of the narcissistic personality can prevent the abuse from ever happening to you at all OR it will give you the confidence to finally and permanently go “no contact“ exit the game.
Do you suspect that your partner is a narcissist? If so, Zari Ballard’s book will either confirm your fears, give you the courage to exit the game, or both!
Recognize the signs of narcissistic abuse and get on the road to recovery!
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