Another Poem to a Narcissistic Lover

narcissist-liar-heartBreaking up with a narcissist is never easy but it’s entirely possible. You must look deep into your hearts, my friends, and I promise you that you will find the answers. And sometimes it sure helps to write about it so think about doing that the next time you feel sad inside.  So, while I was writing another article, a few words came to mind about – surprise – the narcissistic lie and I ran with the idea, turning it into a poem named after my first book. And I’d like to share it with you.

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Now, I’m certainly not and never have been a poet but I thought that as simple as it is, this little poem both summarizes the narcissistic partner (in a nutshell) and tosses in a bit of empowerment to the mix.

So, for what it’s worth, enjoy….

When Love Is a Lie

He’ll berate, belittle, insult, and destroy you….
Deceive, devalue, idolize, and ignore you…
He’ll block you then stalk you,
‘til you do what he taught you
His prize for The Lie is a chance to discard you

He’ll seduce and betray, confuse and neglect you
Without a single regret, he intends to infect you
In the blink of an eye, he’ll all but erase you
His venomous words are meant to disgrace you
He buried your soul down a dark rabbit hole
And planned your demise from the moment he met you

So, what do you feel? Do you know why you cry?
Is it fear that consumes us when love is a lie?
Is it hard to let go if it’s all that we know?
If the bad that he is, is as good as it gets
We must look to our heart for it’s time to reflect
Make him fade into black from the fear of attack
I am you, you are me, & we’ll never be back
Bitter and broken, on the wind it was spoken
From a dream, we’ve awoken
From a dream, we’ve awoken

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  • Krystal Zabel

    February 5, 2016 at 12:32 pm Reply

    Your words are really opening my eyes to see and realize there’s people with this problem. It seems so unreal for a human to beable to do suck a thing to others. Do they even know there doing this do they think its ok????

    • Zari Ballard

      February 5, 2016 at 3:20 pm Reply

      Hi Krystal,

      Honestly, they think it’s okay. The bottom line is that everything they do and say…all those bad behaviors…it’s all about what they can get away with. They feel falsely entitled to do it all at anyone’s expense. So, yes, they know what they’re doing but feel entitled to do it so, yes, they think it’s okay. Yikes! It’s awful, isn’t it?

      Zari xo

  • Mel

    December 4, 2015 at 9:11 am Reply

    I am waking up from the dream. Realizing It’s really just a nightmare I’ve been convincing myself to keep experiencing. Your words could have come right off my lips. The N is an empty soul. There is nothing emotionally valuable within them, except what we project onto them. They do not think like we do. They have no compassion or conscience. They don’t ever see us. They only see the reflection of themselves in our eyes.
    I’m trying to get out. I’m afraid that he will hurt me when realizes that he’s losing control over me. He has a gun and has threatened to use it to kill me if I ever leave him. He has everyone in his life fooled. He hurt his daughter and no one believed her. Not even me. I want to protect her, but I have to protect myself and my children first. I have documentation of some of his most recent lies and proof of his cheating. I’m going to get out. I’m going no contact, with a restraining order more than likely, since he knows where I work, and I’m going to tell his mother what he really is when I’m safely disentangled. If she doesn’t listen, I will tell his daughter’s school. She cuts herself already. I don’t know what she might do if I leave her with him.
    I’m putting out so many fires, I haven’t even had time to think about how broken my heart is. He love bombed me with the sweetest words I’ve ever had poured over me. I loved him, loved this lie so very much that it took, not only red flags, but a brick wall, to make me stop and accept that he is actually who I feared him to be. I stopped doubting my intuition. Stopped ignoring the little voice that has never led me astray. The proof of my rightness staring me right in the face. We live together. We built a life. I trusted him with everything. My money, my children, my health, my heart. N is not capable of unconditional love. N is not capable of healthy love. N is only capable of self love.
    Thank you for being here. Unless you’ve experienced it, you just don’t get it. You get it. I’m very grateful for the insight and support.

  • Indie

    August 18, 2015 at 9:33 am Reply

    Zari you write so beautifully – your wisdom, your insight – for all that you so generously share – the words “thank you” seem vastly inadequate. Nevertheless, I am going to use them! Thank you, thank you, thank you.

    • Zari Ballard

      September 2, 2015 at 6:11 am Reply

      Hi Indie,

      Thank you for your lovely words. Believe me, it is my PRIVILEGE to help in any way that I can…

      Stay strong!

      Zari xo

  • Samantha Outlaw

    January 23, 2015 at 1:30 pm Reply

    Wow this is how I feel about my partner of 9 years.. gives me strength im gping to leave for goid this time it is killing me ….

    • Zari Ballard

      January 24, 2015 at 2:05 am Reply

      Hi Samantha,

      Remember this is YOUR life and only you can decide how it’s going to play out. Create boundaries and go No Contact to get your life back. For an extra boost, see if you can download my book When Love Is a Lie from Amazon. You will relate to everything in it and my words will empower you to take the next step in ending the insanity. I guarantee it:)

      Stay strong!

      Zari xo

  • Blondie

    July 4, 2014 at 2:25 am Reply

    I have a question for u Zari….I texted the narc I know and told him in my conversation that I am taking my friend to dinner…I didn’t specify when we were going for dinner or if my friend is a woman or a man. He immediately texted me back and said ” I am at T.J. Anthony’s ” which happens to be a restaurant. I know he is full of shit, but what I don’t understand is why he lied. My friend happens to be turning 93 on Saturday and is a female…but I didn’t tell the narc this information. I just don’t understand why the narc made up the story. Is he trying to make me jealous and think he’s out to dinner with a friend of his? I don’t get this game he played. Any ideas what he is trying to accomplish by lying?

    • Zari Ballard

      July 7, 2014 at 1:20 am Reply

      Hi Blondie,

      Actually, this time you really have no idea he was lying. He could have been sitting at that restaurant and wanted to make sure that you didn’t continue texting all evening OR maybe he wanted you to know he was there in case you were taking your friend there. Don’t assume that he’s lying about every little thing because you are going to make yourself nuts over it. Either way, by you not specifying when and with who in your text, it was you who actually started the game – not the N. I feel that you’re starting to backpeddle from all your good work – in essence, your recovery – and it worries me.

      Zari xxoo

      • Blondie

        July 8, 2014 at 8:49 pm Reply

        I disagree with you…if my narc was at a restaurant with another woman, he wouldn’t be texting me…if he’s on a date, he’s on a date…he works until 5 and he would have had to drive all the way from his work in 10 minutes to make it to the restaurant in time and that’s not possible. I believe he didn’t like hearing about me going to dinner with a friend…yes I didn’t specify if my friend is male or female, I didn’t do it to play a game, I didn’t feel it was any of his business who my friend was…we aren’t dating and I don’t owe him anything and he doesn’t owe me anything either. anyway, I have since told him my friend is turning 93 and I wanted to take her to dinner. I ran into him last sunday while I was out walking and he asked me if I’d go walking with him this weekend so I said I would. I hope he proves everyone else wrong and actually keeps his word…everyone else thinks he is going to blow me off.

        • Zari Ballard

          July 11, 2014 at 11:05 am Reply

          Hi Blondie,

          I didn’t say he was on a date…I simply gave you scenarios of what could be happening because you asked me. I know narcissists and I know what they do and, for the most part, what they think. I’m rarely wrong so I’m sticking to whatever I said. What I don’t get is this: if you really mean it when you say we aren’t dating and I don’t owe him anything and he doesn’t owe me anything either , then why are you even wondering about any of this? Either go with the flow and stop trying to analyze it or end it. We’ve been through all this and I feel like you’re right back to square one with this jerk. If you’re okay with his behavior and want to remain his friend, then continue on but you’ve got to stop questioning every little thing because its a waste of time and will get you nowhere. He’s never going to change and you already know that. Now, if you aren’t okay with his behavior, you just have to put an end to it because this is as good as it going to get.

          Zari xo

  • J

    July 3, 2014 at 2:11 pm Reply

    You’re right, says it all in a nutshell. Thanks for sharing. It’s awesome.

    • Zari Ballard

      July 7, 2014 at 1:22 am Reply

      Hi J, thanks for reading…I appreciate it:)

      Zari xxoo

  • Sherry

    July 3, 2014 at 2:04 pm Reply

    Hi Zari,

    What a beautifully written poem. Unfortunately, we can all relate to every word of it. Our experiences are different, but yet the same. I know that I’m one of the lucky ones who didn’t have to endure too many years of this despicable man. Even though I know his ways and I know the truth about this man; it still hurts to know the path of destruction he leaves behind was always in his plan. It hurts and it pisses me off that it was never in his plan to love and value me and my daughter.

    My Mother keeps saying “Honey, I just don’t understand why or how he could do this.” You see, even after he abandoned us, my parents forgave him, loved him and welcomed him back into our family. After all, he explained it all to them. They even praised Jeff for doing the right thing by encouraging the relationship between my daughter and her bio-dad. (Aka-sperm donor). These are the kind of parents I grew up with. They simply don’t understand that these maniacs don’t think or feel like we do. He has no regret. He was never “sorry” for the mistakes he made. In fact, he blamed it all on his ex-wife. The fact is this – He came and did just exactly what he planned to do. He won’t wake up and realize that he made a mistake, because they never do!

    So on this beautiful morning, I am resting on hope. Hope for a happy, healthy life that no longer allows one more minute of his intrusions into our lives!
    All my love,

    • Zari Ballard

      July 7, 2014 at 3:42 am Reply

      Hi Sherry,

      Amen, sister! Hey, if you get a minute, in the comments for the article The Narcissist & the Cell Phone Game, you’ll see a post from a commenter called Escaping the Narcissist. I thought of you when I read her question and even referred to your story in my reply. It’s about the narcissist who returns (hoovers) to target the children as a way to get to the true victim. Maybe you have a few words of wisdom to offer her. If you do, click on the “reply” button in her post (not in my reply) so that it goes straight to her. Your wisdom would be most appreciated, I am sure….:)

      Love always,
      Zari xxoo

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