The Narcissistic Personality: When Love Is a Lie



Author Zari Ballard


Author Zari Ballard blogs about narcissism in relationships, the behaviors/agenda of the narcissistic partner, & how victims can fully recover from the abuse.

In her book, When Love Is a Lie, and on the pages of this blog, Zari shares a mental strategy for letting go of a narcissistic partner that works even when (literally) breaking up with the narcissist isn’t a viable option. It’s a personal plan for empowerment that begins with accepting that the narcissist in your life is someone who will not and can not ever love you back. As hard as you try, you will never ever change this person.  All the love in the world will never make a difference. You will always give your all and get nothing in return. Given these facts, how much more time are you willing to waste?

This blog is filled with stories just like your own and personal anecdotes that only those who’ve ever experienced this type of relationship can understand. If you seek validation for the mind-boggling behaviors of a manipulative partner, then you need look no further than this website.

The time is now to start saving the rest of your life…

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When Love Is a Lie


When Love Is a Lie (available also in paperback) continues to be a relationship game changer, resonating with hundreds of victims of narcissist abuse worldwide.  Based on her own experience and written in a straight-up conversational style, Zari holds nothing back, explaining in detail the narcissist’s orchestrated use of passive-aggressive manipulation, why we become codependent on the very drama that we hate, and most importantly, what we can do about all of it to save our own lives.


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Any relationship involving a person with a narcissistic personality disorder will inevitably take a dark turn. We stay in the relationship thinking we can fix this person or love him/her out of their bad behavior but the truth is that narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths can never be fixed – not with love, therapy, or any magic pill. Our suffering fulfills the narcissist’s pathological relationship agenda and makes the monster feel vibrantly alive!

When Love Is a Lie will guide you towards accepting the narcissistic abuse for what it is so that you can actually move on with your life. Breaking free mentally is the key to breaking free altogether from someone with a narcissistic personality and Zari’s story provides an intuitive way to begin this process. It’s a doable solution that will get you on the right path to becoming narcissist-free.

Confirm. Validate. Relate. Escape.
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When Love Is A Lie breaks down the signs of a narcissistic personality, exposes the narcissist’s way of thinking, and explains exactly why a partner with a narcissistic personality

  • is completely incapable of even pretending to have the love-worthy human qualities (the undeniable truths!) that are essential to life itself. Use these logical truths as a foolproof way to mentally break free from a narcissist!
  • will use the Silent Treatment and similar demoralizing methods of control to punish those who dare to call him/her out on questionable behaviors
  • will create constant narcissistic chaos and turmoil even – and especially – during the “good” times as a tactic of keeping you in a heightened state of co-dependent anxiety
  • will juggle many, many relationships at once – often for years on end – with no one being the wiser…not even you
  • lies even when the truth is a better story

When Love is a Lie will make you laugh and it may even make you cry but, above all else, it will provide confirmation and validation that YOU are not the problem.

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When Love Is a Lie & Stop Spinning


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Empowerment starts NOW and you deserve to be happy! Break free from your codependency to the nonsense and from the trauma bonds that the narcissist in your life has so carefully created.  Zari’s books will show you how.  Her second book, Stop Spinning, Start Breathing is a journal-style workbook filled with interactive written exercises to help manage the memories that keep victims addicted to the narcissist. The perfect companion to When Love Is a Lie, Stop Spinning is all about following the mental path to narcissist abuse recovery.

I wasted many years trying to second guess myself even after I had discovered the truth. I became intent on turning him around…on fixing him..on loving him out of his bad behavior. I wanted our relationship to be the exception to the rule. Sadly, by developing a twisted codependency to the narcissistic nonsense and the relationship agenda itself – I, in essence, became the suffering. Scouring the internet forums, devouring books and articles on narcissism, studying about sociopaths and psychopaths…it appeared that all of us – every girl and guy (and, yes, there are many, many guys who suffer the same fate) had relationships that were completely interchangeable!

Then, one day I took a good new look at the old big picture and something shifted. Somewhere between the 100th silent treatment and the grand finale of discards, I finally let go and after that, everything began to change.  In the end, even with my heart shattered in a zillion pieces, I never shed another tear. I realized that I had to give up the need for closure and commit to no contact in order to feel peace – and the trade-off was well worth it.” – Zari Ballard, 2014

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Browse Articles & Get Support

“Use the forum-style comment section under each article to tell your story and/or ask for advice. I respond to everybody. Together, we can change the outcome of your experience. ”  – Zari xo

Narcissist Abuse & Our Codependency to Hope

Why do we develop such a twisted codependency to the narcissistic nonsense? Well, I believe that it starts with the passive-aggressive conditioning put upon us by the narcissist/psychopath – conditioning that is fully intended to make us feel desperate and insecure within the relationship. Since desperation and insecurity are two of the biggest catalysts for […]


Understanding a Narcissist’s Control/Validate Tactic

Today I realized that my ex, the Narcissist of my books, had given me the biggest clue into his twisted narcissistic mind when he described himself as a “simple man”. He would say this as a way of insisting that I was making too much of things…that he didn’t even think like I made it […]


The Narcissist’s Hoover & Our Conditioned Participation

In relationships, the hoover maneuver is a narcissist’s claim to fame and there’s a simple reason for this: it rarely fails. This is fairly amazing given the fact that a hoover, by its narcissistic definition, is never a good thing and anybody who knows anything about narcissism knows this – including the recipient. Why knowing […]


Historical Rejection: Why the Narcissist Gives Us Up

I think that when a narcissist discards us, one of the reasons we wait for him to return (aside from the fact that he’s conditioned us to do so) is because we just can’t fathom the fact that he could actually give us up. And that’s what he does – he gives us up. We […]


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