Comments on: How Narcissist’s Triangulate: Death Of a Heart By a 1000 Cuts

By: Amy Thalman

Amy Thalman — Tue, 23 Jan 2024 02:48:28 +0000

Reading this has confirmed my worst fears. I’ve been with a narc for 10 years. Been cheated on the whole time. It changed for the absolute worst every time I found out I was pregnant. I was busy trying to be a mom, and he was busy…well, you know. I feel stuck and confused and overwhelmingly sad. I feel bad for my children because I know I can’t be the mother to them that they need when my mind is always in utter chaos and confusion bc of him. I see no way out of this. But, I know the light at the end of the tunnel is there. I just have to take those steps.

By: Trin

Trin — Sun, 05 Sep 2021 23:39:50 +0000

Omg Thank you thank you thank you!!!!
I have just left me ex after 3 years of absolute mind altering bullshit, cheating with close friends and co workers of mine , Turing everyone against me. I can’t write down my story because it’s just too hard to write right now. I am going through e process of pulling out my filing cabinet and making sense of it all. I got to the point where I needed to leave because I was physically ill and mentally I started to suffer from dissociative Amnesia ( systematised) because my brain couldn’t not handle that He was manipulating and abusing me like he was. I just had to get him away from me because I was going to do something stupid to him or me. He was physically abusive too where I was beat to the point of not being able to walk or see anyone I knew etc. I think that’s what finally made it a lot easier for me to leave. I got tired of lying and making excuses that made me look like an idiot.
I have never in my life been destroyed and broken like I have by him. I will never ever be the same. But I know I will never let anyone do that to me again.

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Tue, 18 Feb 2020 07:22:26 +0000

In reply to Monica. Hi Monica, thirty-five years is a lifetime and the discovery is always a shocker, right? After all that time invested, I'm sure you thought you could change the outcome but all those years, to a narc, means nothing. Not your fault, never was, and I assume by your use of the past tense THAT YOU ARE FREE so congrats to that! I'm always grateful when my words can offer comfort or strike a chord but after that, it's all you. Give yourself all the credit for having the endurance to struggle through and the strength to break free. Be happy sister, because, after all that, YOU DESERVE IT:) xo

By: Monica

Monica — Sat, 08 Feb 2020 06:43:24 +0000

I have read a LOT on this subject after I realized 35 years into my marriage, that I was married to a Narc, but you are the only one that used one sentence to describe what it means to say Narcs don’t empathize. You also confirmed that the arrival of kids was the end of my sham of a marriage!

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Fri, 26 Jul 2019 08:09:02 +0000

In reply to Annabelle.

Hi Annabelle,

No, that’s not triangulation but I would say it’s “word passive-aggression” because it’s an insult done in a covert way. Not a nice person, this sister-in-law!

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Fri, 26 Jul 2019 07:58:56 +0000

In reply to Ella.

Hi Ella,

I’m sorry for your tears but I am grateful to be able to help. You are not alone….not by a long shot:)

Zari xo

By: Ella

Ella — Wed, 24 Jul 2019 06:27:10 +0000

To my dismay, tears started streaming down my face as I read this article because it hit all too close to home. Some of the things mentioned in this article were EXACTLY what happened to me.

For starters, this line:
“Fine,” he’ll say, “I guess I can’t tell you anything about anyone. All I’m trying to do is make conversation with you. You’re so insecure.”

He’s literally said that to me before, verbatim. Threatening to never tell me anything anymore because I ‘keep getting jealous.’ About how he only mentioned he recognized the pretty girl sitting next to us at the table in a restaurant because she sits near him in class, that he apparently stares at her often enough to remember her face, but no, he was just trying to make conversation and didn’t realize I was going to go off on a jealous tirade about it. It’s my fault. He’d call me insecure multiple times because I wouldn’t trust him anymore after catching him with his lies over and over again, as if he had no part in causing me to feel that way to begin with, as if it was ALL MY FAULT.

And then in this article, the hypothetical conversation about telling another woman private information about the relationship. He literally did the same thing to me too. I find out he’s been lying to me about his new female acquaintance and naturally get upset. The next day he goes to meet said acquaintance and tells her how she got him into trouble with me and how SHE thought I was being ridiculous and getting upset for no reason. The betrayal I felt that day was unimaginable. He too, initially tried to set the stage before triangulation – saying she didn’t mean anything to him and she was too ugly for him to cheat on me with. Next thing I know he’s calling her his friend. Then I find out he’s giving her relationship advice and talking about me to her. Then I find out he’s making comparisons between my physical attractiveness to hers in private conversation with her behind my back. All at the same time lying to my face over and over about how she’s just a friend. She went to being not worth “jack shit” to him as he so eloquently put it, to suddenly now being his “best friend”, in a span of just a few months.

It was so hard for me to try and make sense of why he was acting like this when in the beginning he was so loving and affectionate. As I began to research after the breakup, I kept coming across the term “narcissist ex” and realized that was who my ex was. As painful as it was to read your article Zari, it was very enlightening and helped me to understand my ex better so I know that I was not the one going insane and the one who should be blamed for this failed relationship. Thank you.

By: Dawn Lenore Sonntag

Dawn Lenore Sonntag — Tue, 23 Jul 2019 12:35:38 +0000

Reading this makes me feel sane again and realize how crucial mo contact is.

By: Annabelle

Annabelle — Tue, 25 Jun 2019 06:48:48 +0000

I don’t know if this is triangulation or not. My sister-in-law will say things like “that’s because he’s smart.” “That’s because she’s smart.” I feel that in her saying that, she is indirectly trying to tell me I’m stupid.

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Sat, 04 May 2019 07:02:19 +0000

In reply to Rye. Hi Rye...I am always happy to help. Knowledge is power!

By: Rye

Rye — Thu, 25 Apr 2019 17:04:17 +0000

Wow, thank you so much for this, it has really helped me to see clearly. After 10 years with a married narcissist, and 3.5 in recovery after leaving him, I had recently started seeing someone whom I had always thought to be the “perfect” man for me. We started having very long dates (the longest I have ever had), even to the point to me staying at his place for a couple of days in a row (still only a platonic friendship, though full of expectations I think). Suddenly, after lovely days together, he does this weird thing and takes me to a social club where he starts neglecting me and flirting with other women in front of me. I guess the 10 years with my ex have taught me something, because instead of staying I left after a while with a polite excuse. After that, he has asked me out again several times, but I have always refused. However, we kept texting and now suddenly he seems to be giving me the silent treatment (a blessing in disguise probably). Now I learn about this triangulation thing and begin to see the light, understanding also his frequent references to female friends. One thing I am sure of is that I would rather never date again than start a relationship with another N. I am in my 50s already, so enjoying life with friends, family and hobbies seems a much better prospect. I have been reading your blog for a couple of hours today, and it has helped me a lot, both with regard to my ex and to my current love interest.

By: Tasia

Tasia — Mon, 18 Mar 2019 22:02:07 +0000

Sorry this happened to you, glad you got out. I am recovering from 12 years of Narc emotional abuse. We moved to a different town, new neighbors, new friends. Hard to get away from all of them 100% as the worst ones are close family members surrounded by flying monkies. If I would of realized this sooner I would of not refriended them on facebook. So I just have to be careful to only post positive things on facebook and never give to much information for them to feed off of.

By: Tasia

Tasia — Mon, 18 Mar 2019 21:40:50 +0000

For me, it is my adult daughter that I allowed to spend to much time around narc aunt and uncle when she was a teen. I did not know that they were Narc, only now do I fully understand how wrong it was for me to let her go there, all they did was sit around and talk smack about me. I know this from very reliable sources. Also when my youngest daughter (we are very close) would go over there she would always come back and tell me all the sneaky, snide things they would say about me when she was there. I started figuring out they were a bad influence and to late for my oldest who is also Adhd and bipolar, was not easy raising her at all.. So now as an adult out on her own for several years, decided to come over one evening, unannounced, expecting us to drop everything to entertain her. So it ends up that she picked a fight with her little sister over a rain coat that my oldest lost somewhere in this wide world but somehow thought that her little sister found it and I was helping her hide it.. Things blew up, she went into a rage, stormed out the door said she loved me but hated her little sister. Then marched out the door with her brainwashed/control freak boyfriend. After years of this type of abuse from her, my youngest and I just let her go. We dont have the coat, I dont even remember ever seeing this coat. A couple hours later, my husbands phone starts blowing up when he gets home from work. Its her, she is calling me and her little sister every filthy name in the book, (what a surprise) Telling him lies about me or exaggerating the truth in her little messed up brain. She has blocked me on her phone and social media but still VERY much in contact with my mother, mother in law, her Narc aunty uncle and many other family member and friends. All of course convinced that I am the horrible mom that she describes. Its all a lie but nobody seems to believe me except my daughter and husband. So now she only messages her dad once in awhile, bragging about how she is starting to make it big in the modeling business and making lots of money ect ect. When he says something like, “You know, we all love you, Me, Your Mom and little Sister” This causes her to rage and blow up his phone. He doesnt know what to do, he is a very super strong positive person, he is nearly impervious to insults, he is tough. But she is trying to wear him down. I am staying calm and slowly looking up information to help him. I dont want to tell him what to do, he has to come to this on his own or she will be proven right. She also likes to always accuse him that it is not really him messaging her on his phone, but me… Please, I dont want to talk to her or about her, I have put up with many years of mental abuse from this child of mine and I am much happier with no contact but she is making that very difficult…sigh… Not sure what to do next except stand my ground, and keep having a positive life with my husband and one remaining child.

By: Hanna

Hanna — Sat, 02 Mar 2019 02:37:45 +0000

Hi Zari
I started new job last yr and a married man soon became my “friend”. He was careful to be platonic for a long time. Always texting, stopping to talk in halls, putting chocolates on my desk & generally making me feel very special in various ways. I was hooked & enjoyed his attn. Then after 6 mos he wanted to spend time at night outside work hrs.

Then he started love bombing me. I am beautiful, always about my appearance, or my clothes or hair. Of course I was flattered to the hilt. I new it was wrong to hang out with a married man but by this time I was incredibly attached. He started dropping hints about having various female “friends”. They were in his words all platonic. He did favors for the women & and their families, made Halloween costumes, built rooms in their basements. All this when his wife was working the evening shift. He had all the time in the world.

Triangulation started when he mentioned helping these friends all the time or complaining about something they did. He mentioned his wife was suspicious of him spending so much time with them & their families. He swore it was all platonic. He also used a co-worker, his wife or other women in the office to subtly drop hints something might be going on.

He put me on the back burner after 4 mos of seeing me & having making out. He then announced how he wanted to hang out with another co-worker who was a good friend for quite awhile. I knew exactly who she was even no name was mentioned. He had been doing favors for her & her family so he could hang out with her & was frustrated at ” not getting anything back”.

I was devastated but NEVER once let on to him. I was stoney faced. This was also the case when he mentioned other women as described earlier. Didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. Privately tho I was anxious and hurt.

He would also, at the end of our dates, frequently mention how many text msgs he had or that there was one from his “friend”. Frequent one week disappearances started to happen which became the norm. He ranted about how busy or tired he wasn’t that we couldn’t hang out. At work however he texted a lot and asked me to lunch or coffee, then hug tightly then hold my hand on the way back to work. Of course after that he went totally MIA for a week. I felt totally manipulated by this man. Sometimes he threw in there that things were slowing getting better with the wife. WTF?

Do you think he was a narcissist or simply insecure? I read insecure guys can pull these stunts due to low self esteem.

I have gone NC for close to 3 wks & haven’t heard a word. Have I been discarded at this point? I hope so because this experience nearly cost my job due to lack of sleeping & poor performance reviews.

What effect do you think my overt non reaction to his crap had on him?

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Mon, 17 Sep 2018 22:19:27 +0000

In reply to Moving On. Thank you so much for sharing your story, Moving On! Sending hugs....xo

By: Moving On

Moving On — Tue, 03 Jul 2018 19:50:16 +0000

Oh the PHONE GAMES!! Must be bad service, my phone doesn’t work here, darn phone company, blah, blah, blah…Funny how that darned phone company knows it’s ME calling and drops THAT call, but none of the FRIENDS calls. Has the world’s longest list of phone numbers on the cell, or on FB, Twitter, etc. Half don’t know him, and the other half don’t WANT to know him, but it makes him look like he has FRIENDS. While he taunts me, saying “You don’t have any friends.” (I do, but they don’t qualify apparently, because they HATE him!!) We worked at the same place our entire careers, and he tells me darn near everyday, “The people at work hate you.” After I retired my BOSSES made it their business to come by my house and tell me “We didn’t hate you, we hated HIM, but when we tried to tell you what a shit he was, you wouldn’t listen.” They were right, but I’m listening now. And thank you bosses, you didn’t have to take the time after I retired, so your actions tell me what a total shit he was!!! According to him, my entire family is shit and may not come in the house, but HIS family, that specializes in lying, cheating and stealing can tromp through my house when ever they please. He even left me entirely alone in the forest, miles from any town, in his efforts to isolate me. He agreed, in public, with a trailer trash piece of shit waitress about how my race, Mexican, is ‘sub human’ (dehumanizing). He had to be ordered to assist me, by our boss, when I was going through chemotherapy, because he thought he shouldn’t be bothered, but was more than happy to accept sympathy from his ‘friends’ about his ‘poor wife’ going through chemo…
Someone else mentioned ‘shell person’ in reference to the narc they had to deal with, and I can tell you that’s absolutely true. A narc has no idea how to act in any given situation, because they have no empathy. If you can’t imagine what it’s like to walk a mile in anothers shoes, you have no empathy, and thus do not have the ‘normal’ range of human emotion to draw on when emotional responses are called for. Narc’s FAKE emotion based on what everybody else is expressing. If you’ve ever seen a narc alone, struggling to come up with the appropriate response, you know what I mean. A narc’s non personality will change rapidly, depending on the group they’re with. But the funny part is, a narc is content with expressing the wrong emotion at the right time, as long as it gains them the spotlight they seek. Thats where FB trolls come from. They don’t care if you love them or hate them, just give them attention!! Oh, and if you’re with a male narc, understand that as soon as you have kids, your sham of a marriage is over. Narcs do not compete with kids for attention, but instead, seek ways to get rid of the kids. Because they’re competition. Your marriage is over. But it won’t be as civilized as “Honey I want a divorce.” Oh HEAVEN’S no!! First the drama that keeps them in the spotlight…the not so subtle affairs (because if he really hid this stuff well, how would you ever find out and give the narc the pain he’s seeking to wring from you?), the mysterious phone calls. The phone calls really aren’t mysterious, but he will MAKE them so. My wonderful narc husband used to randomly throw women’s names into conversations, and two seconds later claim that he didn’t, and I was a nut (gaslighting, cognitive dissonance). Last time I attempted a civil conversation, he had already rewritten history back to the stone ages to reflect his own personal glory….
I’m gonna say it loud…IF YOU CHOOSE TO SHARE YOUR LIFE WITH A NARC, YOUR LIFE IS OVER UNLESS YOU CHOOSE TO LEAVE. That’s the beginning and the end. There is no middle ground with a narc. It’s about them or hit the road. If you think that you can CHANGE a narc, you are FOOLING yourself. I wised up after 20 years and I’m glad, but thats 20 years I could have had a real husband, and a real life, and looking forward to a real future with my grandchildren. Don’t waste your life like I did. You. Will. Not. Change. Them.

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Sun, 04 Mar 2018 00:55:24 +0000

In reply to Wendy. Hi Wendy, I know that it has been awhile since you have written and I hope things have changed for your daughter. There's not much you will be able to do unless you get directly involved. Feel free to write me using the Contact page to let me know if anything new has transpired since you posted and I will reply from my email. Zari

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Fri, 09 Feb 2018 06:37:34 +0000

In reply to Candye in Tennessee.

Hi Candye,

Thank you so much for sharing…your story is an inspiration! So many women that I am counseling right now are taking that step – divorce. It’s not easy for any of them and I will point them to your comment here. You are a survivor and I wish you a wonderful new year and hope for you all the happiness and peace in the world, sister! Please feel free to share your insight here anytime….

Zari xoxo

By: Wendy

Wendy — Tue, 09 Jan 2018 01:44:02 +0000

Hi Zari, I am a 66 year old woman divorced and I have been living with my daughter and her family for 10 years . My daughter is 47 and has 4 boys 23, 18 , 10 and 11 . The first two are from her first marriage and the two youngest are from this current marriage . I have been with them primarily to help with the kids as child care is so expensive and of course i help do most of the work in the house . It’s ok as I live here free . Now when my daughter first met Craig , the first Christmas he rang 50 times . I thought to myself then all that time ago , that’s not normal I thought . Over the years he has gotten worse with this constant ringing . If he goes away fishing hes ringing half the the with “ I’m in bed , then I’m going to sleep “ I think very childish for a grown man . Over the years he has been really abusive with the two oldest boys as they aren’t his , and I didn’t know when I was away at the weekend got physical with the older boy . I noticed after one weekend that things were off and I said I think you should go home to your dad for a while . Craig was so annoyed that he wasnt consulted about him leaving . They had a business for about 6 years and I gradually watched my daughter change from a happy girl to a shadow of herself . I never get involved with their arguments but I try and advise my daughter as I am heart sick at what I can see he is doing to her, but it isn’t my decision . About 2 years ago he was texting a woman all the time but it wasn’t another woman , it was my daughter pretending . She had noticed he was very chatty on FB liking their comments . So he was sprung . He said he was sorry and my daughter forgave him but it didn’t take long before he was belittling her at work in front of the other staff .
He’s a drinker and a bad one , every weekend he sits out the back and plays loud music and drinks himself into a stupor , if he sticks to beer he’s not too bad but when he starts on Scotch his eyes go black . He has ruined every family gathering we have had and my two other daughters will not have anything to do with him any more . Makes me said because it’s affected the girls being sisters . He more or less ignored the two little boys , worst father I’ve ever seen . Does not do a thing with them or play with them or hardly talks to them .
So you can see how this affects a household , up and down all the time . About 3 weeks ago I noticed he was acting weirder than usual . My daughter said he thinks he’s having a mid life crisis . Thing is he wants every day to be exciting and wonderful and normal life isn’t like that , he said he wants them to be like they were when they first met . My daughter said we are older , have demanding jobs and the kids , things can’t be like they were then . We have matured and we are at a different stage if our life . Doesn’t mean I don’t love you . So he was getting these snapchats all the time and one night she got into his phone and he’s up to his old games again . Told this woman he hated his f. ING life and he had all this baggage at home . It came to a head and now he’s turned into this 2 year old and is ringing up crying all the time , going to her work and crying . Rang her friends and told them and was surprised because they all told him off .
So they have been to a marriage guidance councillor twice, he is smothering her . He’s two steps behind her all the time constantly rubbing her arm and back . The councillor told him to stop it but he’s got worse . Now my daughter is what I call an empath very kind and has a soft nature . He is playing on this big time . She had always made the lunches but this week she is on holidays , he woke her up to make his lunch . She said no get it yourself , he good packet of chips and a banana . As I’ve said I’ve never tried to tell her what to do but I’m so worried she is going to stay with him and he will be ok for a little while then it starts all over again . I want her to shift houses so she can feel what it’s like not to be walking on eggshells every night not knowing how his mood will be . I want her to be happy and feel normal again . What can I do ?

Thanks Wendy

By: Candye in Tennessee

Candye in Tennessee — Fri, 29 Dec 2017 21:54:08 +0000

Zari,
I read your entire book in one sitting. I had been in a relationship/marriage with a NPD/BPD for 17 years. We were married for 12 looooong years. You spoke “it” girl and I identified with it. My narc was not a cheater. He was too lazy, that is not to say he didn’t flirt, triangulate his heart out though. You described my life with my narc to a tee, except for the discards. My entire life was pretty much a “discard” though. He worked 12 to 18 hours a day, in pursuit of the almighty dollar. I have to say that this did pay off in the long run for both of us. I am now 63 years old, feeling more positive than I have in years. I did finally figure out most of his agenda through lots of hurt feelings, tears, etc. I was so miserable and down that my thoughts were always of gloom and doom. I do remember for a long period of time going about my day and thinking to myself, that my life was pretty much over, that I would be better off dead. Terrible thoughts.

I am a religious person, I knew that those thoughts were not what I should be thinking or feeling. I began to turn my attention to God, prayer, and belief that I was a good person and that God was not pleased with the marriage I was in. I was not or ever treated as a wife should be even though I treated him like a king for the first few years until he showed his true colors.
He did try to make me jealous with “friends” but the main triangulation was with his daughter. He treated her like a queen, anything she wanted, 10’s of thousands of dollars behind my back. I found out about it every time. I waited until the time was right and got him where it hurts, his pocketbook. The last and final time, he had set up yet another secret bank account and hid away a nice little pot of money for her to access. She is an almost 30 year old married with child woman. Yet he still gave her money, paid for her cell phone, sent her to Hawaii etc. He left deposit slips in his truck and when I drove it, I found them. I still believe that she probably left them there hoping I would. Neither of them thought I had the cajones to do anything about it, WRONG!!!.

I went to the attorney and filed for divorce in July of this year. He cried, he was just a sad sausage all round for a little while. He then got angry, found himself some flying monkeys. He was classic. I did not waiver once. I did not feel sorry for him, He even said to me, “i’m crying over here and you are stone-faced” I calmly looked at him and replied, “I did my crying, and I’m all cried out.”
As of October 2017, we were divorced. I am happier than ever, and that God that I prayed to and believed in, well He came through for me.
I now own our marital home outright, I have 1/2 of his retirement money, kept most of the furniture, my puppy dog (#86 labrador) and a nice vehicle. I think I will survive. I dont miss him, I still feel sorry for him. He is a shell of a person and I am so grateful to have seen it and to be rid of it all. I look forward to spending time with my 3 grown children, 6 granddaughters, my mom, my brother. I will have a Happy Birthday this year. I’m looking forward to the rest of my life, however long that is.

Thanks for what you are doing.

Candye in Tennessee

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Sun, 03 Dec 2017 23:37:35 +0000

In reply to playnejayne.

I would love it and look forward to it……xo

By: playnejayne

playnejayne — Sun, 26 Nov 2017 21:05:26 +0000

In reply to Zari Ballard. Thank you Zari. i will definitely consider booking time with you.

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Mon, 13 Nov 2017 06:16:03 +0000

In reply to playnejayne. Hi plainjayne, Girl, you need to LEAVE this person. Your self-worth need not EVER be based on the bad behaviors of a partner. You can read all the stories under the articles here to see that you are not alone. We've all been through it or are going through it and it's all about the recovery. You are not doomed to a lifetime of misery with a manipulator and this guy will do it for another 14 years if you allow it. Give yourself a chance! If you'd ever like to talk about it, please consider booking some time with me. It helps to talk with someone who "gets it", sister. You are NOT plain Jayne OR an empty shell... Stay strong! Zari xo

By: playnejayne

playnejayne — Mon, 23 Oct 2017 20:23:32 +0000

This post was very helpful. Amazing how a narcissist can hide behind so many people and use them to triangulate including those close to you, friends and people you don’t even know. etc to being harassed, ridiculed, picked on. They can turn something that was nothing into something that wasn’t even an issue and make it one. They will use any bit of information about you or what you have said and turn it into something that was none of their business in the beginning.
Not many people understand the dynamics of how these people work. Even those I know in the counselling profession are so blinded by these people with god complexes. They go to the point of reaching these people you know. They will take everything you’ve said and use this information how they want to. It may not even be an issue but they will make it one. Narcissists like to be the messenger in between people to be in control of everything. They are so clever and adept at creating situations to make you feel the feelings mentioned in this post and to make you appear irrational and the one with the problem. If anyone has spent any considerable time with one you know there is something not right with them. It’s even interesting when they bring your children into it and tell them they need to help their mother when you’ve been divorced for considerable years. They will set up situations to make you feel certain feelings. This is exactly right, you find yourself whining when in any other normal case you wouldn’t whine then they turn this on you and before you know it everyone has the same opinion. They are very clever at making it appear like a concern. Counselling there is a therapy called exposure therapy but if not done correctly can cause more trauma which has been my case. They use something they know nothing about and like to make themselves appear professionals in this field and take it upon themselves to FIX you. Not to help but humiliate and it has been used to the extreme causing me public humiliation to apparently stop me from doing things they think they feel I’m doing is not the right thing to do and made me feel so much worse about myself. I’ve been harassed online and had accounts broken into something I find so personally wrong. Narcissists do things because they believe they know what is right for you when indeed they don’t. I carry feelings of hating myself and the humiliation I have endured has caused worse anxiety than I have ever had before. They don’t stop they continue until you can’t sleep, the anxiety is constant and the negative thoughts that go around in your head everyday because they lack empathy. The triangulation’s and everyone having had their 2 cents worth and having an opinion about you when they don’t understand the dynamics of these people or yourself for that matter. They have been the whingers all along and project everything onto you and manage to be free and maintain a good public image with everyone. When you were never like this before. I found they go to great lengths to provoke situations deliberately to make you feel jealous when you would generally never act like this before. They also like to depict you as a hypocrite and set situations up to make you appear one through triangulation. They don’t stop. They use triangulation to get across everything they want to get across. They will do everything to pick you to pieces using others and eventually you feel worse about yourself than you ever did before. Everyone sees you as a whinging whining person. A simple opinion they will say was complaining and blow it out of proportion. You find you’re not allowed opinions about anything. They will take an opinion as whinging and use that as well. You find yourself not knowing what it is that you’re allowed to do or say and end up afraid to talk to anyone in fear of being shut down completely or ridiculed for having an opinion although they’re allowed to.. Everyone has an opinion about you without really understanding how these people work. They are allowed to earn an income and live freely but they will do stop you from having any financial freedom. This is soul destroying. Being around these types of people does change who you are without a doubt and they are draining to be around. You end up feeling worse about yourself than you have ever and wonder why your brain feels like mush and you can’t make a decision to save yourself or know what it is you want for yourself as they like to control you through triangulation. When you’ve had it done for over 14 years you feel like just an empty shell and people judge and make comments about you and others wonder why you feel no happiness at all.

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Tue, 10 Oct 2017 02:19:00 +0000

In reply to sweet pea. Thank you, sweet pea!