Comments on: Silent Treatment Appreciation – Part I (of 3-Pt Series)

By: Marcella Galabis

Marcella Galabis — Fri, 15 Jun 2018 16:19:23 +0000

Wow. I would first of all like to mention that this information on narcissist’s individuals is very helpful to me at this point of my life. My current relationship is all that of a narcissist. Here I am thinking that I am just a good person trying to help a troubled man out. When in fact he has intentionally and deliberately trying to torture me. I know that I don’t deserve it. and I am not PLAYING his game anymore. Is there anyone that can help when the situation gets worse because I already know that he would love to continue his games and I’m taking back my self respect. what are some signs I should worry about? please help.

By: Beth

Beth — Fri, 08 Jun 2018 04:25:56 +0000

In reply to Jenny. Thank you. I am going to this website right now. I’m having a hard time with all of this. There is so much going on and I just don’t see how speaking up and leaving was the right thing as he has managed to gain even more control and the way he is treating our small child, while to others looks good and like I am the “bad guy”, is just unimaginable. I knew there was something wrong, I just never in my wildest dreams imagined someone could be so cruel. All I can do is hope and oray that we will make it through okay.

By: Jenny

Jenny — Fri, 08 Jun 2018 03:50:16 +0000

Hi Beth,

I totally understand feeling “crazy”. Narcissists do not think, feel, or act normally about anything! You are not crazy. It has nothing to do with you. It’s all him.

It helped me in dealing with my narcissist (ex) husband to remember something a psychiatrist told me once in regards to my husband “You can’t rationalize crazy.”

Normal people usually interact with others in a rational and logical manner. Their interactions with others make sense, even when they disagree with each other. Interactions with narcissists are inherently irrational and illogical because narcissists think and feel differently from normal people. That is why narcissism is a character DISORDER.

I first realized my ex was a malignant narcissist about 12 years ago. I’m still learning new things about the disorder. Not for his sake , but for mine. I recently came across a youtube channel where the presenter gives clear and informative information on understanding and dealing with narcissists. I encourage you to listen to her presentations. I found them to be very helpful.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCFpN5rTQCSbX8znSv9-5u9g

Jenny

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Thu, 07 Jun 2018 22:24:09 +0000

In reply to Beth. Hi Beth, I am sorry it took me so long to respond. You don't have to be broken, sister. I help women AND men every day get through the pain of discovery and the agony of divorce. This is a complicated mess that was never your fault and you have to know this. In the end, you have to be confident in the truth that you know. You don't have to explain to him anymore, you don't owe him any explanations. He KNOWS the truth and you don't have to allow him to control and manipulate any more. Consider booking some time with me so we can figure out a recovery strategy that will work for you...recovery is a team effort, you know:) Zari:)

By: Beth

Beth — Thu, 24 May 2018 15:40:16 +0000

I came across this website and I simply cannot take my eyes off of it. It’s like a train wreck in that each and every article and word is like a punch in the stomach because it is just like I could have written it. My husband (we are separated now) still acts like he did nothing wrong – he says I discarded him, that I am the narcissist. Everything and anything is a huge jumble of words with him and although it has been 5 months, we have a peace bond, and I am trying only to communicate through lawyers – every single time we have to communicate for our child, it just turns into a mess. Just like when we were together – I ask him a simple question – he responds with 1,000 demands, more questions – and completely ignores my basic question. I give him a point form list of appointments, etc. about our child, he writes back giving me shit for making appointments and then asks me “to provide the courtesy” of giving him a list of appointments. Ummm….what? That’s what that was? Everything is so confusing and makes no sense. I try to tell my lawyer things and even reading what I write makes no sense because it is insane! I have taken to just forwarding the emails from my husband to my lawyer so he can draw his own inferences and see that I’m not just some lunatic speaking contradictory sentences. 5 months out and I’m still confused when I talk of things and things are coming up so fast and furious. I always knew he was cheating, he has been caught – but he continued to do so. He swears up and down he didn’t – and maybe he believes that – but that would depend on his definition of cheating – which is so different from a regular persons. I never type in these things and I am off all social media because I just don’t want to see him or know that he can see me sort of thing, but this site is amazing and painful. I am hoping to get over this some day, but the way he is behaving in Court, although the only people he is fooling is himself and his family, is making things very difficult. I am seeing now the more I let things out to people that everyone seemed to know he was abusive and treating us all very poorly, and no one really liked him, but no one said anything. I hope that, no matter how awkward or hard it is, that if I ever run across something like this and I think someone is being abused, that I don’t let them sit alone. I will let them know I can see it and I am there for them. Right now I have basically no family left as no one believes me. I’m broken. I believed in us and our marriage and our life. I thought we could do this together. I truly thought we could have made it and, although I thought I was nearly broken when he was finally arrested and removed from the home, he has managed to somehow gain even more control over us through the separation and although I can see things now, and can feel that I no longer have this constant feeling of anger and resentment, I am more afraid now and I am broken. I was a strong, independent person. I can handle a lot. He has beaten me down in every way.

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Thu, 24 Aug 2017 06:28:10 +0000

In reply to Jenny.

Hi Jenny,

So sorry for the delay in responding. I suffered through silent treatments just like you and it nearly killed me. There is nothing more demoralizing than to endure a partner treating us as if we are no more important (and just as disgusting) as a piece of shit on his shoe. I, too, hung in there because the good times were pretty great and the sex was even greater. A lot good that did me, right? We live and learn, my sister. Now, what you didn’t share was how you managed to escape that 16-years of hell. I would love to hear about it as it would truly be an inspiration to everyone here!!

Zari xo

By: Jenny

Jenny — Thu, 27 Jul 2017 22:46:20 +0000

My ex husband would give me the silent treatment whenever I protested his awful treatment of me. I knew the minute I told him that something he had done or said “hurt” my feelings, that I could expect the silent treatment as a consequence. It was his way of trying to control me and keep me from complaining about the abuse. The only way the silence would end is if I apologized for getting upset and getting on his case. My realization that I was just “insecure” and that nothing he had done should hurt my feelings, seemed to appease him. He had done nothing wrong…. In the early years of our marriage, I craved his attention because when it was good between us it was AWESOME between us. But the longer this torture went on the, the more resentful I became. I have a healthy self esteem and don’t tolerate crap readily. So I’d always “forget” my training and complain again, lol. Which meant another week or two of silence or the cold shoulder. He said I was a really bad listener and wondered if I’d ever learn. That every time I did this, it hurt him and made him wonder if I loved him and that it caused him to not want to be around me – thus the silent treatment. Because if I really loved him, I wouldn’t keep repeating the same mistake over and over again (yuck). This went on a long time. For many complicated reasons, included his health issues, we were married 16 years. The silent treatment wasn’t always the worst thing that could happen. It was often a blessed relief not to have to talk to him the last 5-6 years of our marriage.

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Fri, 26 Aug 2016 08:23:19 +0000

In reply to Vek Lewis.

Hi Vek,

Oh I’ve heard about the “Whatsapp” narcs and, yes, they are all overseas. They do have it down to a science…..!!!

Zari:)

By: Vek Lewis

Vek Lewis — Wed, 24 Aug 2016 11:18:10 +0000

Good God, Zari. I do so completely relate to this. I’ve lived it umpteen times before and I’m (regrettably) living it again. This guy happens to be overseas and he uses textual silences (whatsapp) like nobody’s business (hello, if you have me there, why the silences? that’s what blocking is for). We are not officially together but I need to find the guts to enjoy the silence, too.

By: Rose

Rose — Fri, 29 May 2015 18:45:03 +0000

I am really enjoying the way you write about narcissists. Unfortunately, I’m enjoying it b/c I can relate to it. But also thankful, I can relate to someone.

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Sun, 03 May 2015 01:33:05 +0000

In reply to Katy. Hi Katy, Thank you for sharing and I'm sorry that you are still struggling with this nonsense. Please, if you can, read my book When Love Is a Lie because you will recognize every single part of my 13-year relationship. My ex (narcissist) was a cab driver which, like a trucker, means that they can disappear or literally vanish. My ex, too, had 32 jobs, a drug and gambling problem, and, miraculously, found "God" as soon as we broke up (a.k.a he left and never came back - ever). They are all the same. My books will empower you, I promise, because you will really really see that we all live the same life and the same experience. Above all else, you must know and realize that YOU are not and never have been the problem. To understand this is so important, sister. If you need to talk one-on-one, I do offer consultations and would be happy to help. It's hard to wrap our heads around the level of deception but blaming ourselves or thinking that somehow we were wrong in wanting to believe that the person we loved was telling us the truth...none of that is doing ourselves any bit of good. The bottom line is that you deserve to be happy and it's time to make that happen. Stay strong and I'm here if you need me.... Zari xo

By: Katy

Katy — Mon, 27 Apr 2015 22:54:50 +0000

I have been reading your site for months. First off, God bless each and everyone of you, having gone through this. I dated a N for 4 years, he’s a truck driver. He never was around, it was like he was trying to keep his distance from m. me, I might get to know him and who he really is. He never could spend a lot of time with me. This guy is a gambler, he lost a home, he lived in a tent for 3 months. (Homeless) he got fired from job, had no car, I helped him get a car. He rode a bike for a year. He’s 51 yrs old. He has had 32 jobs, not sure what time frame. He only called me when he needed something. He did drugs years ago, not sure if he started back on them. The new girl is on all kinds of drugs. I’m sure he is hooked back up on them. I called him the other day, just to see how he’s doing, he was so nice, also cutting his girl down, then he blocked me after that. I’m so mad, that I let this creep be my life and almost took me down. I still hurt. One day I hate him, then I think I can fix him the next it’s an emotional roller coaster. I just got use to him being gone. It’s been 8 months. Hearing him talk for 4 yrs. And at this point I don’t believe one thing he said. He blamed me for him being homeless. He ran for the hills when I told him I was tired of him using me. I told him his mask fell off and I knew he was now. He uses religion to try and get you hooked. Each day gets a little better. I need additional help. Thank you for this site. God help us all.