Comments on: Do Narcissists Know Right From Wrong?

By: Alana Spaulding

Alana Spaulding — Sat, 07 Oct 2023 19:55:46 +0000

I believe a narcissistic person knows right and wrong. They have watched TV, read books and experienced it in life they know what is acceptable and unacceptable completely but unfortunately because they have no empathy sympathy, or love they don’t emotional pain. without those feelings they don’t know what the next step in a normal behavior would be because these feelings are what influence how we react to a situation.they have the unability to understand what is wrong about what they’ve done because they don’t feel bad and because of this they have no way from choosing the right choice because the easier choice the one that pleases instantly is the past they’re always going to choose. One thing I do realize that they do feel is pleasure they like to pleasure themselves. Whether it’s by you or themselves because of one thing they can feel. Somehow I’m going to find a way to give him pleasure by pleasuring somebody else because it gives me great pleasure to please someone I am sure it immensely. And to also make them aware of them appreciating and being appreciated for two differences and how it’s expected to be equal thank you have a good day

By: Sol D

Sol D — Tue, 04 Dec 2018 21:35:36 +0000

Narcissists know right from wrong or they would not get so pissed when you use their tricks on them. They just don;’ care if they hurt you. They hurt themselves enough that it does not even register when they hurt you. You hurting them fills them with self loathing over the edge. Giving my narc the silent treatment worked so well I took her back 3 more times. This is the last. She is now alienating every mutual friend we have by trying to drive a wedge. Using professional help to get through. No one who knows me would believe i was doing that. gonna make it through this time. I promise me.

By: William Mathieu

William Mathieu — Thu, 01 Nov 2018 01:36:47 +0000

In reply to Zari Ballard. Oh!!!! I see now how the forgiveness is perceived. LOL! i use to think the same about it myself because that is what i had been taught, and for years only new. Before i share with you a very cool and accurate definition, let me say, Hello sweet sister. I was tickled with joy to hear from you. Now, for that definition. Evidence of genuine forgiveness, is personal freedom from a vindictive or vengeful response. Not bad huh? That turned the table for me. Looking at it from this view does not let the narc off the hook, nor is it saying that we are excepting the hurt they have caused us and every thing is hunky dorry, that's for saps. Sorry, a little harsh there, but i used to be one. In my opinion, this forgiveness makes us the bigger person. It helps us stand straight and stay focused. The narc is the contrary to this. They want you to lose it, so they can have fun with you, feed on you and make themselves feel powerful. And if by any chance we show just the slightest act of opposition towards there treatment of us, well!!!, we just opened a new chapter of hurt, but not for the narc, we are just and emotional and mental sport to them. Considering all the evil shit!! they are capable of doing to us, and have done, would it not be a surprise that we would like to seek revenge or do something vindictive to them? This forgiveness keeps us from that while staying focused on reality. We all know the narc lives a delusional existence, and desires to keep us in it. So try this forgiveness and heal well. I know it is hard, we just had life sucked out of us, but this forgiveness works. Staying focused is a big player in this evil game. God be with you all, your neighbor William.

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Fri, 26 Oct 2018 20:22:46 +0000

In reply to William Mathieu.

Hi William,

Thank you so much for writing and I understand what you are trying to say. However, let me clarify what I mean when I say we don’t have to forgive the narc. I know that forgiveness, in and of itself is good for US, but when we are involved with narcs, the dynamic of it being good can change in a heartbeat. First, from speaking with so many people, I see that “forgiving” the narc because people feel it is the “right” thing to do puts a strain on recovery. The relationship with the narc is so messed up that when we “forgive” him or her, suddenly they don’t seem so bad! Next thing you know, we’re back in the abyss. The narcissist TAKES ADVANTAGE of our willingness to forgive because we think we have to. He knows how people work and that we are ruled by our emotions. They wait for it and appear out of nowhere. It’s bad enough that we continually give what I call the “Jesus Pass” (forgive them father for they know not what they do) during the relationship because this is how we enable. Second, to put it simply, I say that we don’t have the credentials to forgive at that level! It’s not our place. After it’s over, our place is to just get better…because this is what happens: we “forgive” naturally. By letting it happen naturally – which takes time – we don’t have the urge to come back, go back, reach out. So, my point is we don’t have to worry about that…the forgiveness part. It will come by itself and we will be way past the point of thinking of this person. If we remove the “having to forgive for our own good” out of the equation, recovery is much quicker and speed is what we need! lol

I hope that clarifies my thinking on forgiveness, William. I love what you wrote…share with us anytime. I wish you blessings and happiness, brother…

Zari xo

By: William Mathieu

William Mathieu — Sat, 20 Oct 2018 23:37:21 +0000

Greetings sweet woman. This is my second read. The first was ( to male victims of female narcissists ). Both have been very helpful for me in my search to understand and gain knowledge. There is no doubt you have a great compassion for those whom have suffered under the perverted character of such a person and have also diligently searched to expose it’s true nature. I also have a similar desire, and being a Christ follower i thought it appropriate to begin with the spiritual, and by doing so, my journey lead me to see many things concerning the character at hand that i never saw before no matter how many times i had read about it. I had found some very good biblical insights from others also concerning this nasty person, all which was very helpful for me. But i also perused the secular, only because my generation of followers has not yet come to a higher concerning of this matter, seeing that it has been infecting our churches or that they seams to even have any understanding or acknowledgement of such persons around them. But ignorance should not be frowned on, I to was ignorant of what i was suffering from until God enlightened me through a dear sister who could see it. We all are ignorant on many aspects of life until we are learned, and in my opinion, there is no better way to learn than hands on. Yes it comes with hurt at times with all the emotions that relate, and we will never forget it in this world, but let us not forget the other side of our emotions. those that are able to forgive and love. I’m sorry dear sister,but i have been led to touch on your perspective of this LOL. I have hope my attempt will clarify whom our Lord was praying for. No! he was not praying for the narcissist. On the contrary He, prior to his crucifixion confronted the narcs and called them as they where. Jesus was praying for those whom the narcissists had manipulated and provoked into performing the narcissistic agenda by what ever means necessary to crucify our Lord. The revelation of that prayer can be seen at the day of Pentecost. In just 2 days, thousands came to be enlightened of the very act of what they had participated in which led to repentance. That had to be a very emotional 2 days. Now, to forgive a narc? I have to yes. My opinion comes from my own walk in life and from the wisdom of others that have experienced life much longer than i have. You see, the forgiveness is not so much toward the narc. In this situation the forgiveness is meant to benefit YOU. What is being forgiven is all the hurt that you have been subjected to, to let it go, that it may longer have dominion over you. Yes! we will never forget in this world, but memories and experience used wisely is one of the results of forgiveness. Another is health. If a person is unable to forgive they do put their health at risk. You see, the opposite of forgiving is grudging which culminates into hatred. This trait if harbored will eat it’s host like a cancer, and destroy them, mind, body and soul. The very thing that is happening to the Narc. How ironic is that? Please don’t get me wrong. By no means have i replied to discredit you. I personally very much enjoy all your hard work to what you are doing. Knowledge given me by the means of another is a blessing to me. I pray that you be on your guard sweet sister, because no matter the amount of good intention there is, it can turn on us with out us even knowing it, and before we realize it we to become a mess and of no good help to others. Many blessings Zari. In Gods Grace, your neighbor William.

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Mon, 17 Sep 2018 22:52:29 +0000

In reply to Misadventure.

Hi Misadventure,

I agree with you that his false-Christianity excuse is utter BULLSHIT. When I say that narcissists know right from wrong, they just don’t give a shit, your husband would fall under that category. Narcissist are KNOWN for giving LUDICROUS excuses for their behaviors. He is NO Christian, sister!! He is using his “background” as an excuse to get away with reckless behaviors and he knows exactly what he is doing. Perhaps the reason that you do not feel remorse or guilt is because you don’t have a reason to, not because you don’t “understand” it. I’m not buying that and lean towards him more likely brain-washing you into thinking that you are just like him him not “understanding it”. This is called PROJECTION and narcissist’s do it all the time. They predict their inappropriate way of thinking onto you. Do not be deceived into thinking his way. You DO understand remorse and guilt – however, you have never done anything that has warranted you feeling it. But you DO understand it…EVERYONE understands it, even a narcissist. The difference is that a narcissist could care less about his reckless behavior and what it does to others. He will never say this or admit to thinking this way (because he knows it’s not appropriate), but he knows right from wrong and he could care less. I have to admit, your husband has created a clever brainwashing technique and it obviously is working but only to a point or you wouldn’t have written in.

Again, do NOT be deceived and stop making excuses for his horrible flaws. He doesn’t have un-managed ADD! He is a narcissist who is conveniently taking advantage of your forgiving nature. Yes, it is utter bullshit!

Zari xo

By: Alon

Alon — Sun, 19 Aug 2018 14:09:51 +0000

I was trying to think why they do what they do , it seems like they have made a master degree in understanding human behaviour and the ways to control a person and the most interesting thing is that all of them developed the same tactics & cycles…
I realized that the tactics they use are the most effective ways to get what they want (fuel) , they developed it like a predator in nature which develops the best effective ways to catch his meal .
The core of these people is the fuel/supply they need badly to survive for them it’s a dead or alive situation , this fuel which was needed to flow from their parents did not come they had to find ways to extract them brutally they could not get them effortless in their childhood and when your brain knows you need something to survive it will learn and develop very fast the needed skills which are the most effective and less energy consuming for you to survive and prosper. The brain position is to keep you alive no matter what.
The narcissist was trained to believe that no one will love him take care of him and be with him from free will and good intentions , he needs to take it with force.
I also believe that because the perception of the narcissist animal brain that the fuel/supply is a necessity for survival like food and water , The brain also shut down the remorse , guilt , love compassion feelings because they are standing on the way of getting the fuel and surviving.
These tactics and cycles are the best effective ways to harvest the needed fuel for the longest period in order to sustain the ego which is for the narcissist the most important thing a survival necessity , dead or alive issue. This is why all of the Narcissist uses the same tactics and behave the same and very predictable, because it works.

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Sun, 12 Aug 2018 09:34:10 +0000

In reply to Joanna Tomkins.

Exactly!! Inconvenient guilt and gas-lighting go hand in hand…..

Zari:)

By: Misadventure

Misadventure — Fri, 03 Aug 2018 08:51:13 +0000

I have been conflicted whether I believe narcissists know right from wrong.
My husband has several narcissistic traits but truly he does not experience “remorse” and I honestly believe now that he does not have a concept of when his actions have been hurtful or wrong. He does not understand “guilt” or “remorse”, we have discussed this. He has attributed this to a difference between our religious backgrounds. He: having come from a Christian background (that believes in forgiveness instead of guilt/remorse/punishment), versus my Jewish Old Testament indoctrination into clear cut rights/wrongs/ moralilty/remorse/guilt/punishment.

I feel it’s utter bullshit, but then, I do understand and experience guilt/remorse myself. If spouse has ever acknowledged his behaviors were wrong……. it was mostly to appease me after a fight and me being hurt, and not to lose my love and support. BTW his transgressions never had to do with cheating, at least as far as I’ve been aware. The lies have been about money, mismanagement of finances, hiding his business endeavors from me, generally being secretive and making couple decisions or those regarding our children, without consulting me. Postscript: I never realized he was a narcissist until discovering it in another person I was close to. For a long time I attributed his secrecy, failure to take responsibility, his rages and finger pointing to having unmanaged ADD.

By: Joanna Tomkins

Joanna Tomkins — Fri, 15 Jun 2018 11:15:23 +0000

Inconvenient guilt, so true! That’s why the gaslighting comes before the actual event, trying to project his/her guilt on to you before it hits bottom… so true. thanks

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Thu, 07 Jun 2018 22:25:42 +0000

In reply to Shannon F.

Thanks Shannon…this is the way that I see it and I’m grateful that you agree:) Be happy and at peace…we only live once!….xoxo

By: Shannon F

Shannon F — Tue, 22 May 2018 19:05:11 +0000

“Rather, look him right in the eye and say, “You can stop this right now because I’m on to you motherfucker” or, better yet, you can show him the door and go on about your life.”

“LOVE THIS, FUCKING AWESOME “

By: Gee

Gee — Sat, 10 Mar 2018 07:02:28 +0000

Of course they know right from wrong. They don’t care who gets hurt. He’ll keep you around for free meals and sex, but you’ll never be special. His harem is pretty interchangeable, more or less.

Example: I tried hard to please him sexually, and to be non demanding and cheerful. He asked me to take him to Ruth’s Chris for his birthday. Dinner was over $250. He barely uttered “Thanks.” He commented that my birthday was less than a month later. What did I get? Nothing but a belated text, 3 days late. When I commented that it was past, he said “Man, I’m such a screw up, can’t get anything right.”. Any can forget a birthday, but note, he did not make any effort to make amends by offering a belated dinner, nor did he send flowers. The message was crystal clear. I did not matter, not even as a friend. Yes, that was the end. I never agreed to see him again.

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Fri, 09 Feb 2018 06:54:27 +0000

In reply to Tim.

Hi Tim,

I hope that you get this message. It has been so long since you wrote here and I apologize!! I just went to my personal email and sent you a copy of my book about the female narc to you in PDF. Please look for it. To answer your question, I truly believe that they DO know right from wrong. They just don’t give a shit.

Peace to you…..

By: dupedfortoolong@48andthreequarteryears

dupedfortoolong@48andthreequarteryears — Tue, 30 Jan 2018 05:12:55 +0000

I have broken no contact with my ex N through calling him after 3 months of NC after a nasty and typical 13 month ‘relationshit’ where I was deemed of no supply value and dumped without ceremony. Contact was a disaster as he just confirmed that he’s an N and after getting some supply (not sex, just a chance to reiterate to me that he would not hold any accountability and that he did not treat me a like a piece of crap, on the contrary why didn’t I myself walk away earlier he said ) discarded me again knowing I guess that I was still affected (though I tried to pretend not to be). I seem to be unable to accept the situation for what it is and have been variously depressed or obsessed throughout the NC. Since contact I am now also beating myself up for making contact and don’t understand why I did. This is my first experience of an intimate Relationship with someone who I now realise was an N ‘proper’ and I feel my whole personality had been shattered and my friends will not understand all the horrible PA and covert shit that went down. I am also totally averse to talking about him with others as I am afraid I will not make myself understood and in fact do not want to bad mouth him ‘out there’. Actually one reason I can’t really debrief with even closest friends is because I can see nothing was really real about this relationship, he didn’t ever ‘love’ me and it was all about him. I stayed and let it happen. I was deluded. I cannot communicate the horror and grief of this and the pain. I was 48/49 during and have recently turned 50. Will I get better?

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Thu, 11 Jan 2018 01:19:23 +0000

In reply to LizD. Same to you, Liz:) Thank u for making my day:)...xo

By: Tim

Tim — Sat, 06 Jan 2018 18:26:10 +0000

I’m in the midst of a very ugly, and soul crushing discard from a narcissistic, abusive wife of 15 years, and unfortunately my 8 and 6 year old sons are caught up in it and used as weapons against me. When it first started, I asked to have a meeting with her and our parish priest because I was seeking a way to “bring God into this mess” because it was becoming so evil I was scared of the potential outcome for my young boys. She started with calmly stating the simple facts, “I had a 2 month long affair with a younger man, but I confessed that, was forgiven, and so it’s no longer a topic of discussion. I’m having an ongoing affair with a woman, I love her, and I have absolutely no intention of stopping.”
After a bit of stunned silence, the priest said, “So I take it that you know what the Church’s teachings are on this, and you know the difference between right and wrong?” Her reply cuts right to the heart of this discussion…”Yes, and I refuse to let God hold me hostage to do something I don’t want to do. Think what you want, but I don’t care.” His response was to say then there is no point in having any further discussion; her response was just to say the boys don’t need to know if he’s willing to step up like a man and protect them from finding out, and to keep on going to church like nothing happened; my response (per usual) was to offer forgiveness, have it blown back into my face like standing on a cliff and pissing into the wind, and be left with a WTF? No help spiritually and an arrogant smirk from her and to have the episode repeatedly thrown back at me verbally that I am just a cry baby that tried to make her look bad, and was pissed off because it didn’t work.
Do they know the difference between right and wrong? Well there’s your answer straight from the horses mouth. Just like Zari said, Yes they do and they just don’t give a shit if it suits their selfish purposes.

– Dismayed and abandoned

By: LizD

LizD — Mon, 01 Jan 2018 15:21:03 +0000

Happy New Year Zari!! So glad to see you are fighting the good fight. Your understanding of Narcissists surpasses all. Just wanted to say to all your readers that life will get so much better when you free yourselves of the toxic hold of a narcissist. May 2018 bring you blessings and more importantly peace in your life. Love u Zari xo

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Sat, 30 Dec 2017 01:23:50 +0000

In reply to Brian Evans. Hi Brian, I do understand and I will always feel that then male victims of this abuse suffer so much more because of the pure evil of the female narc. I am grateful that you have escaped but very sad for you how you miss your children. I pray that one day they will see it clearly...chances are that they will. If you ever feel like talking about it, consider booking a session with me. I want you to be happy in the coming year with no more tears. I'd be happy to help in any way that I can. Thank you so much for writing, brother... Zari xo

By: Brian Evans

Brian Evans — Thu, 21 Dec 2017 07:43:04 +0000

Hi Zari,
I just bought your book: When evil is a pretty face.
Only got as far as the introduction and I am brought to tears… tears of joy!
Joy that someone really does understand… even better than I do about the female N.
I was married to her for 22 years before I finally faced The reality that change would never happen and my Love for her meant nothing more to her than a weakness to be exploited.
I fled on 20th March this year to go into a male rufuge after all those years of toxicity and abuse. Verbal, physical and emotional… all this and much more whilst she plays the victim to everyone. One time I called The Police after one of her attacks, she was in our kitchen with the senior of the two Police Officer alone for maybe 5 mins. Much to his colleagues amazement he then came bursting into my living room shouting at me and it was clear that she had manipulated him into disregarding his professional duty. (She told me she likes men in uniform, and had also had one of her many affairs with a married one soon after we were married)
I cannot wait to read your book over the next day or two.
I went no contact once I left, but I miss our children so much. I hung in partly as long as I did for them. Our youngest was almost 16 when I left. She has been poisened with many blattent lies and won’t talk to me. Same with our other two older boys. It breaks my heart.
Thank you Zari for all that you do for us all and God bless you.
Warmest wishes,
Brian

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Mon, 13 Nov 2017 08:19:52 +0000

In reply to Kim. Yup, Kim...you get it...you are EXACTLY right.....xo

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Mon, 13 Nov 2017 06:02:35 +0000

In reply to Leila.

Hi Leila,

You are spot-on, girl. You deserve to be treated in a respectful, genuine manner and that’s not what he did. You put down boundaries and too bad for him. It WAS a lame apology and you did the right thing! Good for you!

Zari xo

By: Kim

Kim — Sat, 11 Nov 2017 20:40:39 +0000

They absolutely know right from wrong. That’s why in the beginning, before the mask comes off, they pretend to be what they are not. Once they get you, the mask comes off. They know what society thinks of cheaters, liars, manipulators, etc. So they pretend to be what society accepts. Empathetic, hard working, man/woman of their word, faithful, considerate, etc. But they are none of those things and once you have fallen for them, you see what they are.

By: Leila

Leila — Tue, 17 Oct 2017 01:32:28 +0000

In reply to Zari Ballard. They do know right from wrong but they have to control and feel safe. Then they forget their lies and mixed up stories.

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Tue, 17 Oct 2017 00:46:13 +0000

In reply to Mars Petard.

Hi Mars,

Female narcissists are the worst of the worst and when they are adults and have to blend into society, they absolutely know right from wrong. They just don’t care…the “rules” do not apply to them and they feel falsely entitled to break them at anyone’s expense. You can think that she doesn’t know what she’s doing or that she doesn’t know right from wrong but that’s actually how she gets a free pass. She can hurt someone and then just give them a blank stare when called out as if she hadn’t a clue what they’re talking about. Narcs do it all the time. They DO know right from wrong, they just don’t give a shit. They simply want to do what they want to do.

Zari:)