I believe that the difficulty in recovering & moving on is the trauma bonding which occurs. You may benefit from reading about that.

BTW, the NEX contacted me only once, & when I told him I had his number, he went from “soulmate” to threatening & bullying in a second.

He’s blocked, out of my life, & I’m definitely feeling happier & freer.

Give it time. Work on yourself. Go no contact. Good luck to you ; )

This is no doubt the hardest breakup ever for me and although it has been over three weeks, he still messages me at least once a day! What made it even harder to leave and stay gone was the fact that he was my FIRST love 30+ years ago!
Everything in the article was right on point with our relationship (if you want to call it that). A few thing i do know now is, I am not crazy, he is a cheat and a liar, it is not my fault and i NEVER want to experience this or him ever again! I am so thankful that i stumbled across your article and it was so needed. Thanks Again! Theresa Herring

Thank you, Monarch Free…I am always happy to help. I appreciate you!

I have a hard time trusting what any self-professed (not CONfessed) sociopath/psychopath has to say.

Hi Pinkfire,

I do respond, it just takes me along time these days – so sorry! Look, narcs marry because it’s something to do…it’s a party all about them. Marriage doesn’t stop them from being narcissists. Narcs are NOT nice people so be grateful that YOU DIDN’T MARRY. Moreover, a narc “choosing” you to marry does make you “worthy”. You are worthy anyway….narcs do NOT make good husbands, fathers, boyfriends, girlfriends, etc. They are not worthy of YOU or likely whomever they marry. A married narc always cheats so who cares why they get married as long as it isn’t you!!! He will continue to seduce and discard married or not so being married to a narc puts you in a far worse situation…Just because he gets married doesn’t mean this person MEANS anything to him, right??? Getting married just becomes something different for the narc to do!

Zari:)

I’m sorry about that. No one has ever complained about the tab before….I actually forgot all about it. On my phone it is just a little dot to the left, I don’t know why it is so big on your phone. I put it there because people complained that I had no direct links to the book, just to the PDF’s and within some posts, I’d prefer to not put the book at all. If anyone else out there is having this issue, please contact me at this link. I don’t have a problem removing it at all if it is causing issues on everyone’s mobile. Thanks for letting me know….

Your welcome, Kelly! I do hope you get the new job and make the final break:)

Zari:)

Hi Geri,

No I’m not aware of it but would it be saying that the narc is a smart deceiver because he understands that which he deceives?

Zari:)

Hi Pam,

I’m sorry you are going through this. I know it all too well. The disappearances, the number changes, being accused of stalking when all I wanted to do is know WHY he disappeared! Silent treatments almost killed me. I do provide phone consultations if you want to talk about it. Talking with someone who’s been there, done that ALWAYS makes things better.

Understand that your suffering changes nothing. He’s always going to do what he wants to do. You oughta turn his silent treatment into YOUR no contact and block HIM from being able to contact you even if he wanted to. This guy will do this until the end of time. Eight years is long enough. I did it for 13 and others have done it for way longer than that! Don’t suffer. In the end, the result is the same. When I realized that, I started to appreciate the silences and eventually I’d be hoping he’d stay away longer than he did. You can do it. I know you can. If you want to talk, you can click on the link to get more info. I’m here if you need me…

Zari xo

I wish you were here with me right now. I need a shouider to cry on no i mean sob on after what my bf just did to me. Out of the blue after 8 years suddenly he changes his phone number, stops calling me and when I try to confront him to find out why he freaks out and accuses me of stalking him and tells me to quit bothering him so he doesnt have to change his phone number again. I am so beside myself . I am completely and utterly heartbroken beyond belief.

Hi again,
I am progressing everyday but I still look at social media and I haven’t stopped. I can read when her partner, now wife is getting the terrible treatment and I guess I look for some sort of satisfaction. I know it’s not right. Believe me my narcissists comments on social media are all about herself or when she needs to she praises the wife.
She tried to contact me again by praising me but I didn’t respond. She was terrible the last time we talked so I know it’s toxic and the friendship I wanted is impossible. I know no contact is the only way to go but it doesn’t stop my thoughts of how is she doing, does she even think me and I find my wanting that to be a sign of weakness. As I said a part of me wants to call her out but I know I would be the only one feeling bad in the end. She would turn it all on me. She has always said, “Get a mirror and look at the person at fault.” I just hate she is so successful and a good portion of the public thinks she walks on water. I want to pull the covers off.
The what ifs are the worst. Thanks for your response.

Hi Anne,

I’m so sorry that it took me so long to get back to you…a lot could have happened since you wrote your post. The narcissist manages down our expectations of the relationship so that we accept less and less and they get away with more…it’s a very manipulative dynamic that catches us off-guard and when it’s too late. I have to say that when the relationship is girl/girl, the mental abuse and confusion is a whole lot more. Why? Because 1) female narcs are the absolute worst because society basically allows them – or has more sympathy for – their antics, and 2) because a girl narc obviously is “in tune” with how another girl feels and the narcissistic partner plays upon this, making the whole thing twice as difficult to wrap your head around. It’s a fairly evil scenario. This is my observation having spoken with the victim partners in many girl/girl relationships where the other one is a narcissist.

Let me know how your doing since so much time has passed and I can better help you. If you can, consider booking a consultation so that we can talk one-on-one. You’d be surprised how empowering a conversation can be when two people are on the same page with this. It’s all about changing your perspective and, like I said, with a female narc it can be a bit tricky. A female narc with a girlfriend is so much more conniving than a male narc simply because she knows EXACTLY what buttons to push all the time. Guy narcs have to basically guess at it and although they will usually eventually get it right, the girl narc is completely confident she’ll hit it the first time – and she does.

Stay strong, sister!

Zari xo

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. Timing is everything. I just read your e-book ” When Evil is a Pretty Face”.. I am a male victim of a female N….no need to go into much detail, but I have seen and experienced it all. Two attempts at NC….finally a boundary was crossed once too often. I am now on Day 29 (or is it 30…how cool is THAT ?)…of serious NC. My eyes are being opened. My healing is under way. Back to your book….I have visited every N website and read every blog I believe. I have done my research….and find myself reading some blogs for the 3rd or 4th time. They all still help, though I know some of them by heart. Tonight I purchased your book. It was EXACTLY what I needed to read this evening. And today. What you outlined is the exact experience I had with my N. Everything. And I appreciated your focus on No Contact. And how it is both important and also the ONLY option to heal , grow and love. **NO CONTACT WORKS MY FRIENDS…..DO NOT CHEAT YOURSELF….DO IT…..BE COMMITTED TO IT….IT WORKS** I still have much work to do, much healing to go through…..but your book nailed it for me. Further reinforced what I was already thinking and knew…..and helped propel me forward even faster. Knowledge is power…..and your book and insights empowered me.
Thank you so much…..it was nice to read from a perspective of a male freeing himself from a female N. Some of it hurts to read…..and admit…..but its the truth and we all need to face it.
Closer to healing than I was yesterday…..and thanks to all of you for your contributions online.
Brad

Hi Deborah,

No, you were not stupid to get sucked in. The fact is that narcissists are very good at what they do. It is a FACT!!! How can you really blame yourself for wanting to believe that the person that you love is telling you the truth? If you can, download my book When Love Is a Lie from Amazon because you will see exactly what I’m talking about. A narcissist will cross personal boundaries that we didn’t even know that we had. Time to re-create those boundaries and commit to keeping them so that it never happens to us again:)

Stay strong and I’m here to support you!

Zari xo

Together…step by step:) It truly is the ticket for all of us…:) You go, girl!

Zari xo

Absolutely Zari, thank YOU for all you do in bringing awareness to this. I may be over it, but still want to remember the lessons learned so I never go through it again. In hindsight, I put up with that crap simply from ignorance in not knowing what narcissism really is. We’ll get through it together!

Christine wrote...I can’t believe it’s been a year of no contact for me now. Back when I first made my way here, I couldn’t imagine just months later, I’d have a great new life with a great new apartment, thriving career and a great new boyfriend who leaves me with no doubt that I’m his favorite fish. Living well really is the best revenge. RIGHT ON!!!!

OMG…it’s been a year already! Girl, you are an inspiration:) Honestly, it’s not as if you sat around during that year wallowing in self-pity. Rather than do that, you came here and offered advice and words of wisdom to others and I have been so grateful for that. You are living proof that the key is to KEEP MOVING FORWARD AND TO PUT OUR HAPPINESS FIRST. I am so proud of you and truly believe that you haven’t even touched the surface on how bright your future will shine.

Thank you for contributing to my website. Recovery is and always will be a TEAM EFFORT:)

Zari xo