Hi Peter,

Thank you for writing and sorry so late on the reply. WOW! I find this very, very interesting and I would love to know more about this and write an article. I bet I know why this happens…narcs are all about appearances and what better way to look like a caring, compassionate person (when you are not) than to adopt a child in need. Granted, it is a very evil intention for the long term but I can absolutely see it happening especially if a narc has money. I am going to check out the link you left here and I may even email you. PLEASE feel free to email ME at zbwriter49@gmail.com because it may be quicker, I do get side-tracked, but I feel this is very, very important and may open up an entirely new conversation. My thinking is that the narc is usually one of the parents or the ONLY parent (single parent adoption). Narcs don’t usually team up as a couple unless there is money or power involved and THEN it would make sense that both parents would be disordered. Yikes! How awful. For you, to find out at 59 that you were adopted….how did you deal with that at first?? Had you any clue beforehand, something that made you want to look for answers? I hope we hook up via email. I would love to continue this conversation and do what I can to bring the topic to light.

Thank you,

Zari

Hi Recovery is Possible….I write my articles based on my relationship with a narcissistic boyfriend so there is not much I can do about that. I did, however, write an article for the guys apologizing for the way things appear and you can read it here. I also wrote a book just for the guys and here is the link for that. Hope that helps!…xo

“See how crazy it all is???”

I’m starting to getting there, but I’m pretty sure I will never be able to fathom just exactly the depth of the craziness.

And I’m working on feeling OK with that. Which I find a laborious task. The work you have done on that is helping me. So thank you again.

Hi Flying Dutchman,

I had to chuckle at this: So if they accuse you of you ‘secretly’ accusing them of something THEY HAVE ALREADY DONE, which you indeed ‘accuse’ them of but were wise enough to NOT bring it out in the open, you might as well take the as an admission of guilt indeed. See how crazy it all is??? A normal person might look at that statement and go “WTF?” but I bet everyone here (myself included) knows EXACTLY what you mean! HaHa! Thank you for elaborating…it is all so true…

Zari xo

Thank you so much for all you have posted. And also specifically this, as it has helped me a lot.

Allow me to expand on this, as I have discovered a narc-trait very closely tied to this. It might even be just the other side of the same coin.
If, through all the manipulation (gaslighting) you are being subjected to, you do address certain undeniable(*) facts, yet are careful not to address the “plausible deniable” FACTS, they will sooner or later blurt out you are accusing them of exactly those things that are plausible deniable and you carefully avoided exactly for that reason.
You know it’s true, you know you do ‘accuse’ them of it, which is more like you have bought them red-handed rather than an accusation.
(*) But you have already learned that with a narc there is no such thing as ‘undeniable’.

In such cases, don’t fall for the trap. The narc is simply FURIOUS that they haven’t had the opportunity yet to show off all the “plausible deniability manipulation”/gaslighting they had in store and/or so carefully prepared, which will get them nowhere as long as you keep your mouth shut.
All that investment they made in conjuring up a plausible deniability will have NO return on investment AT ALL, and it drives them insane. So they’ll play every trick in the book so at last they can spew their insidious manipulative ploy.

So if they accuse you of you ‘secretly’ accusing them of something THEY HAVE ALREADY DONE, which you indeed ‘accuse’ them off but where wise enough to NOT bring it out in the open, you might as well take the as an admission of guilt indeed.

And you best walk away from any confrontation about it.

Hi Andy,

First of all, I think it’s great that a group of you would have the guts to go against management – now, THAT is team work. However, the truth is that it’s just not that easy to get a boss fired – it just isn’t. Basically, what you are all doing is going to management to ask that they fire management and that rarely works. Just as you all stick together, so, unfortunately, do they. I wish you had told me more in detail about what he has done so that I could analyze it better. Please do if you care to because I could help you deal with it better.

Now, my feeling now is that, because he knows whats up, he’s going to be on his best behavior for as long as possible. At this point, if he is trying to give pep talks and make everyone feel better, all you can do is go with it and hope that transfer comes in. You all actually have the upper hand if you think about it. He KNOWS that you all hate him, yet he has to put a smile on and pretend every single day. Narcissists HATE that. I have no doubt he was warned that he better get his shit together and knock it off. I hope that the 15 of you still keep notes and document everything from here forward. If things started spiraling downward again like before and you all take it over his head again, it’s hard for me to imagine that they STILL would not let him go. Believe me, when he was chastised this last time, he likely cried and begged because narcissists are NOT beyond doing that in order to get what they want. Now that he’s back and having to face an office full of people who hate him, he had better step up. I say enjoy this while it lasts, document every single thing, stay in touch with all those who also went against him, and push for the transfer.

Thank you for sharing and I hope that helps a little. Write me any time, Andy. I’d love updates on this…..

Zari:)

Zari, I got a new supervisor in Jan of 2016 and my life has been uterly destroyed since. I didn’t know why until I came across the word narcassist. Another supervisor started 6 months ago and she resigned 2 weeks ago because of him and she delivered HR and upper management emails and documents telling them everything. Me and 15 other employees went to HR as well. He was suspended for 3 days while they investigate. I returned to work yesterday and they called us all together for a huddle and told us he was not fired and will continue to be our supervisor. I’m at a loss why I have to continue to work for this guy after telling them the damage it has done to my health, family and life. I put in a transfer and they said they will see what they can do but it will be a few weeks. I don’t have a few weeks. They don’t believe us and I just need some guidance from a pro. Please anything to let me know what step I should take or am I just dilusional. He came in my room yesterday and talked for 20 min intestinal and I almost felt good but kept reminding myself it’s all lies. I had to record it so my wife could hear. I’ve been looking at many different sites about this but I just came across this one and looked at the comments and saw your responses. I saw that you actually care and it made me want to write this to you. Thanks, Andy

Your welcome, Lydia! I’m glad to be able to help:)

Zari xo

Hi Aron,

Identical twin narcissists! Good God, brother, run for your life. Block her or she will hoover you forever just to keep you in the queue. Make it through the holidays and start fresh for 2017. Make it a plan…you will not be disappointed.

Zari xo

@Rachel

I think we knew the same person, except the one I ran into was a girl- I totally feel like I could’ve been replaced with anyone- man or woman. Zari’s site has been a godsend to me and I hope you as well 🙂

Hi Sonia,

Well….I have to differ with you in that the government doesn’t need to be in our business any more than they already are. There is actually plenty on the web about recovery from narcs. Along with over 75 articles that I’ve written on my site alone, I provide consultation services and and have also written four books about recovery. And I’m not the only one, to be sure. The government need not be involved for the simple reason that every government on this planet is run by narcissists and sociopaths!! I’ve always said, recovery is a team effort and you need look no further that all of the wonderful people who share their experiences on sites like mine and others to find the support that you need.

Zari:)

This is sooo true. My Narc (whom I currently with and cannot escape due to finances) Is a “cerebral” narcissist. You know them, they are the know it alls, very smug, confindent & cocky. He too, was raised by two alcoholic parents, teased and bullied at school relentlessly, for that I feel bad. So, I totally understand when you say “you had to create this alter personality” it’s something of a coping mechanism. I do appreciate your honesty and candor, recognizing your condition is, like any problem, half the battle. Most if not all, Narcs don’t realize they area Narc…

Hi thank you so much for your reply. I agree and yes I do feel betrayed. It’s shocking it makes me feel dirty that I was close to this monster. And the young teenagers are on his friends list it looks like he has friend requested them. It’s just to weird . I am not saying he would do anything but even if the thought is there it’s sick. Some are young boys too as young as 12 year old but he has mostly teenage girls. I want to thank you so much for your feedback it helps a lot. I have no feelings but pure hate for the man/coward /child that he is .I do not need to take revenge because 1 day he will get caught out because he is not clever enough to cover his tracks. I rue the day I met him and thank god I got rid. The longest 15 months of my life. I wake up now and do not think at all about him I am well and truly getting back to who I was before I met him. Thank you for all your help xx

Hi Sarah,

Oh, we all think that our narcissist/sociopath “loves” women. I had great sex with mine for 13 years without fail. But there is ALWAYS sexual deviance going on behind the signs…they just know enough about society to know that they can’t let the mask fall that far. Social media allows these monsters to be whatever they want to be and he’s going to continue to lie about it. I agree it’s absolutely unforgivable but you say it’s the “one thing” that you finally can’t forgive. I would hope that lying that his daughter had been murdered for all that time would be right up there as well.

As for the FB, what can you do? Is he soliciting the children or are they sending him friend requests…and, honestly, it doesn’t even matter. FB is FB. Thousands upon thousands of people have fake profiles up for various reasons and they can’t possibly investigate every one. Even law enforcement has been known to put up fake profiles and friend requests to catch certain people or spy on the population. You can’t get him in trouble for pretending to be a photographer and you can’t be the parent for thousands upon thousands who might see his profile. I understand the concern but I’m also thinking right now you are more concerned with how this betrays you…and this is normal as well. We’ve all been there. You’ve got to stay away from it. You simply will never ever move on if you don’t.

And, btw, you did the right thing by asking the wife about the daughter. Yes, he absolutely forced you into it and I would have done the very same thing. Again, I hope you have kicked this monster to the curb and cut off all communications with him and everyone associated with him and his situation.

Stay strong!

Zari xo

Thankyou for advice,it sounds mad but It has taken me a very long time to see the light and this fake profile has been the one thing I can never forgive. He still insisted it was for finding his wife. Then whyset up fake profile and have mainly young teenagers as your friends that would really work finding your wife,,, She has moved on by the look of things she is a young 20 something who had a daughter to him. She had 3 years of his nonsense and she found out about what he said about there daughter. He blames me for that for telling her about his daughter being shot. He pushed me into asking her if her daughter was alive because he would not back down and tell the truth that his daughter was in fact alive. I believe he still tells that horrific lie to everyone he meets to get them to feel sorry or him. To use it as a excuse for his behaviour. The number of times In have cried because I belived this story. I felt so sorry for him, I loved him and was there for him and thats the whole point he used that lie to make me forgive him for all the other stuf He still tried to turn things on that poor wife when she wanted nothing to do with him and who would after saying your daughter was in fact dead he had the cheek saying she wouldint let him see his daughter and that she was using her as a tool between them, not hey sorry I said she was dead but you are wrong for not letting me see my daughter. Any way this fake profile I no you said do not get involved and I want to leave it all behind me but how would I forgive myself if he messes some young kids mind up. God knows what he is doing on that facebook. I no he is a coward and probabaly never meet a child but who knows what he is after he is saying he is a photographer for a magazine. That means one thing in my mind. I will not get involved I just hope a mother sees what he is doing online but kids guard there stuf on facebook or I pray someone reports him to the police because you hear things like this but I honestly never seen any signs that he had any intentions towards young peope, in fact he loves woman and he couldint keep his hands of me. It makes my skin crawl I am really struggling with this