Hi Garry,

Don’t put your life on hold…she would n’t do it for you. I’m in the process of putting up a Q & A from a male victim like yourself who is contacting me for support. Here is Part 1 of our exchange. I’m sure you will find it very interesting. He asked the very same questions….

Zari:)

Hi Jaclyn,

Why is it hard to imagine a person thinking like that??? It sounds as if this is EXACTLY what this guy has been doing for THIRTY YEARS. Knowing just when to reappear so that it has the most impact and prevents you from moving on IS WHAT A NARCISSIST DOES. It’s done on a conscious level. He knows what he’s doing, he just doesn’t give a shit. And even if it was SUBconscious, after thirty years…does it even matter? Stop the nonsense and get on with your life before he wastes more of it.

Zari:)

I wish it worked that way but, alas, their hearts and mind were closed and locked many moons ago….

Your welcome, Christopher:) Thanks for visiting and come by any time….

To me the scariest part is how it all seems so instinctual, like a salmon knowing where to spawn, a bird that knows where to migrate – where does this evil come from, is it in her DNA, is it result of some past conditioning, is it a learned behavior… . Ive never been very religious, but one starts to wonder if that instinct N’s share is not put there by the horned man himself.

Hi Ernest,

As I’ve explained many times, I use “he” because I speak from my own experience and because using “he/she”, “him/her”, etc. in every sentence makes for a lame read. I’ve also addressed this issue directly to the guys in this letter of apology article to male victims. so please do read it. In addition to that, I have written a book specifically for the guys entitled When Evil Is a Pretty Face which speaks to the evils of the female narcissist – an entity, by the way, that I have always stated is far worse than her male counterpart.

Male victims of female narcissists will find no bigger supporter online than myself and the members of this community, I promise you. I apologize for the gender reference but I do speak for and fully support both sexes in this very nefarious type of relationship.

Zari:)

Hi Noreen,

I’m sorry for the delay in responding. I hope that you are still remaining strong and ignoring those hoovers. BLOCK his number and any number that he can call you from so that he can’t barge into your life with some benign request or comment anymore. If there’s a knock at the door, do not answer because he WILL go away. I used to get in the shower and turn the water on full blast so that I wouldn’t hear the knocks or the calling out of my name or the rocks against my third floor bedroom window. Eventually, he would go away and I would have a breather until the next time and they got farther and farther apart. You can do this!

Stay strong and remain diligent. Block, block, block.

Zari xo

Wow, Jan…thank you for sharing all that. Right now, I am convinced, this is a time of spiritual warfare on this planet and these creatures – narcissists, sociopaths, etc. – are minions of a very dark side. I understand about the psychic connection you felt because I felt it as well…however, since then, I have come to the conclusion that it is more a demonic connection than it is anything else. For people to truly connect with one another on any spiritual or psychic level (remotely or otherwise) that is worth anything, they have to have empathy…they have to have a soul, a heart and, as you know, these people lack all of the above. Sure, the sex is great but it’s hardly worth it in the end when we realize we have to save our very lives.

I loved your post – thank you so much for sharing!

xo

Hi Jan,

I had to comment on your comment to Jean…on your reiteration of what she had posted:) If the two of you truly believe that your guys have a single decent bone in their bodies…that they can actually change or you could change them or that you can “fix yourself” and, thus, fix the relationship…that they are literally your “best friends”, always being there when you needed them, and that your life together is truly “lovely”, then either neither of them are narcissists or they are literally the two single exceptions to the rule of all the narcissists on the planet. I thought the same thing as you…we had awesome, mind-blowing sex for 13-years, I’d known him half my life, he said all those things when he knew that I needed to hear them, blah blah blah. I wasted the best years of my life…I invested in a lie.

We can want to believe what we want to believe but it will get us no where. These monsters have no problem at all wasting another person’s life even though they know damn well we all get just one shot at it. Be careful is all that I’m sayin’. I’m here to be a lesson to everyone.

Zari xo

Jean… I could have written this: “The confusion I feel is awful as I still feel like he is the love of my life. I am seeking therapy to help me address any issues I may have brought into the relationship so that if he comes back to me I can fix things, but at the same time I believe he has problems which he won’t address. He pushes any perceived ‘problems’ in our relationship back onto me. But I still want to see the good and believe that I could be the one to change him. He doesn’t talk to anyone about his ’emotions’ besides me and the physical attraction we both still feel is overwhelming. I know he still feels both of these things as he has told me and shown me in the last week or so. We are best friends and share friends and had a lovely life together.”

the never ending string tying us to our fairytale program of happily ever after… i am with you girl!!! haha… wow. WAKE UP huh?

FFWD – my daughters father was a total narcissist and would always be gone, totally self centered and played out his victimization at work on me when he came home. He spent hours just sitting in his truck in the driveway, avoiding us till it was time to eat or sleep. He had other issues but this was a major piece in my divorcing him back in 2009-11 [finalized in 2011] HE WAS NEVER THERE and was totally stunned that I wanted a divorce… yeah right buddy, I am an always will be a single mom. [3 moths prior to the D – He would leave before we woke up and come home after we were asleep — and never answered his phone, even when I was diagnosed with BC, he was ‘somewhere’]

FFWD to now, i had been alone for 6-7yrs and met a guy I had been FB friends with through the Deadhead community [I thought they were more ‘with it’ and ‘cool’ bc I was] He saw me at a Dead and Co show in SF and I didn’t hear him, my friend did, but bc I am an intuitive empath seer HSP shaman lighworker [yah all of that! and an essene ] i had a voice tell me I was going to meet someoen that night. I realize now he had been psychically targeting me for a while…

Things he did:
He was a truck driver so I only saw him one a month or maybe once every two months but the time leading up and away from this was like a drug addict expecting a fix and then despondently desperate after the drug leaves. I became in a cycle of fear for the leaving bc afterwards he would get all weird and accuse me of being with other men. Yes, the sex was good, more than good and he seemed to activate me sexually like no-one i’d ever experienced before. this was the drug… I turned into someone I had wanted to be and had been craving to be seen as – a sexy vivacious woman, which I am so I thought this was good. He activated me and I had been dreaming of this kind of spiritual sexual connection bc I thought my marriage would bring this, but it did not.

He gave us many things, later that I learned were tags he put on us to stake his claim to out energy, he liked us and we fed his need for psychic food. There were so many things but I resonate the most with the piece about the chaos bc I could never tell when he was going to “go crazy” and suddenly accuse me of trying to attract another man when he was away. He had, what I later learned was a genetic disposition called ‘morbid jealousy’ and ‘paranoia’ due in part to his lineage [italian and austrian] and also being ‘trained’ and raised by an older father born in 1910 who took him to Vegas a lot.

I am guilty of hoping he would change and that I would somehow find that magic bullet that would make him be the person he was half the time… the dream lover, the kind sweet unconditional giver and provider. He was going to buy me a house in Utah, but it was a shotgun shape and this was telling… my other was fearing for me and showed me the plan for control he had been laying out of making me isolate through fear. I am learning so much now!

3am arguments by video chat bc I though he needed to see me to be ok, I seriously thought he was going nuts on the road and that only I could save him. I see the road did make him nuts… he had been out there for 11years [he said that was 2x to the moon and back] and I think that would make anyone nuts. I felt like I had to stay on the phone with him on caffeine rushes to keep him awake or going so he could do his job and pay the bills. A true coda lady! I was ‘HELPING’. there were other factors too, his ex baby mama was jailed and the kid now 19 was motherless, but she just suddenly came on the scene when he met me… and now wanted a relationship with the son. I see now, this was the beginning of trying to make me jealous, the photos of exes on his profile, to get me off center. I wasn’t bc my love was strong for him and it was new for me… i am loyal and this is why when he was accusing me of cheating, it did not register, but later the gas lighting made me doubt myself and see that i possibly was looking at married men, even though i never pursued them. He made out that the thought was enough.

Oh! and speaking of enough… there were past life karmic things to clear in the connection with R and so this was also a piece… [yes, I have been through the wringer!] There were catch phrases he’d say “ I AM NOT ENOUGH” meaning him and that he will ‘stay with me until I find someone better’ i mean WTF if thats the case, leave now right? what is that? cognitive dissonance? mind fuckery? yes all of the above.

We had a lot of fun at concerts, but there was always some weird disconnect there like he was in with the band and I was a giddy gal hooting and hollering dancing my ass off. It was fun, but it was trippy. I’d always feel like I wanted him, I was very turned on and needy I think and I own that… I probably have an issue with self control and bc of my upbringing need to look at that. [I’ve been in therapy most of my life and am navigating this well therapy free I believe now, but I must speak on this next part bc its important…]

This brings me to the tech infiltration. Bc of my sensitivities, and our online relationship, I feel that he spies on me through my cellular level and technology. I have no contact now but I feel him in the air around me haunting me like a ghost bc he knows I am sensitive like that. I am a medium. So on this level it is a psychic warfare of sorts. How does one undo this kind of infiltration on the energetic levels? Well, I have been working with an exorcist and many light worker friends who have been helping me raise my frequency and unloose me from this psychic vampire. He wrapped me in wire [psychically] to the point of when I healed from this I broke out in a physical rash all over my outside perimeter [not under arms or back of legs funnily enough] only where he crush hugged me one night in the truck. He asked if he could do this and I let him, but I didn’t understand what he was doing psychically. My friend dewired me and I am free now but not without the scars from the sores. I got strep which turned into a scarlet fever of sorts, I didn’t understand and this all happened on my move and coincided with the breakup. Yes, 3 fold whammy… I am strong!!! Leo here. He is a Sagg and i think signs and karma play a part in these things… SO, I had a huge move [10yrs in same place to far away, away from family, sick and a huge breakup]

I was only with him for 9 months but every full moon we had a drama. He created them… I wasn’t allowed to go to shows w/o him bc he was hawk eyeing me remotely constantly. It was so hard, I had very acute awareness [even now] of his energy around me. They try to keep their food scared and isolated. I felt like I was dying many times, I felt like my skin was on fire. [That was the wire – a psychic control system he put in place to make me feel like I was nuts and needed him to be ok.]

So, I am free, but I continue to fight on the psychic levels… there is still program running that down the road, I’ll need him and he’ll be there for me. He said it. I believed it. That when my mother dies and I have no one – no where to go, he’ll be there for me… to control and keep me safe… in his clutches.

I am still working on that one… its in my brain. He played on my fears. He knew how to read me. He seemed like a pedophile too. I didn’t see anything in real but for some reason I’d reach out psychically to my daughter to make sure her soul was ok. Sometimes this would happen during sex when she was asleep in the other room… this freaked me out bc he seemed to get more excited when this occurred. BIG RED FLAG. I didn’t believe this would happen in real, but the thought was ‘around’. And I am getting warm just typing this truth bc I have not shared this openly with many.

I am still working on releasing this short but impactful relationship and I hope my sharing this helps others as your shares helped me.

I want to say to the men who are victims of female narcs, I understand your need to be heard. Please keep speaking up. This seems to be more prevalent with the men victimizing the women but I know it happens both ways. I think/believe that the genders flip sometimes… he accused me of being more like a man and he was a woman. He started the relationship off like that… with that mind fuck but later i realized it was bc of the past life stuff where I was a man and he was a woman and he did act like one. Leo is a masculine sign and I have always been strong… a light warrior and courageous contender in the fight for truth. I think thats why God has had me experience this… this dynamic bc I see that there is hope here. This is why I believe I could have changed him. In fact I have a friend, a younger woman in Canada, who seemed to exactly mirror my experience with her guy while I was experiencing mine! it was soooo weird!!! its still on with them, but she has surrendered to the lessons and is working with him… he is an addict as mine is and as I am/was. WE are all in this together… i think its a pretty sick world no? we have to learn to raise our frequency and stay aware of ourselves as best we can. I have another old man friend who just wrote me yesterday [knows little of my plight] and he said ‘Jan, and about the men – you dont need one.’

I’ll stop there as I can go on lol [member of on and on and on anon lol] and say thanks for reading… God bless us all.

Karly, you hit the nail on the head. Yes, info on sociopaths/narcs/psychopaths would fill a library. Maybe two. A third one for those in the throes of trying to understand, and eventually processing this horrid fact. Welcome to the miasma of cognitive dissonance. Time helps. You said it all in a few sentences. There are no “buts” — we know. Get out. Don’t concern yourself with their new conquests – they do not matter. Remember when you were small and your parents said (always irked me!!) “You’ll understand when you’re grown up.” — well, just give it time – time to process – and you will understand. Yes, it’s just unthinkable. You’re not alone.

Sorry Alan, I’ve already stated my apology to the guys for the gender use in this article. I’ve also written a book specifically for the guys called When Evil Is a Pretty Face. As for my articles, I’m simply not going to constantly refer to narcs as he/she, his/her, etc. when I write. It breaks the flow of the content and, besides, I speak from my own experience and I’m a girl and he was a he.

Zari:)