Comments on: Narcissism In a Nutshell – Connecting the Dots! (Book Excerpt)

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Tue, 07 Feb 2017 01:36:52 +0000

Hi Bamagirl67,

Yes, basically, he was a monster way back then and you didn’t see it. Think about it. Way back when, when you broke up with him, you state that he was “devastated” but the truth was that he started dating right away and was married within a year. How devastated was that? Not very. Since then, it’s been a string-along, even allowing you to get divorced and STILL having no intention of ever leaving his wife. This is typical, by the way, of a married narc’s behavior. It happens all the time. I, personally, think that you made the right decision back in college. You were smart and followed your intuition and OUR INTUITION IS NEVER WRONG. Now, that you are single, you need to go back to that mindset and make the same decision again so that you can salvage the rest of your life.

I understand that it’s hard and that there are many questions spinning around in our minds when it’s over. If you would like to talk about one-on-one, I’d be happy to answer them. Consider booking some talk time so that you can move forward with confidence. The truth is that nothing has changed…he is the same person. And even if he WASN’T a monster THEN, he obviously had the propensity to be one. My thinking is that he was exactly the same guy, a narcissist, albeit an unpolished one as they tend to be when they are younger. Now, you are dealing with one who is full-fledged and it simply is not worth your time or energy.

Stay strong and I am here to support you….

Zari xo

By: Bamagirl67

Bamagirl67 — Mon, 06 Feb 2017 02:46:04 +0000

Zari, I’m getting so much needed info here! My story is similar in some ways but a little different. A little background… when I was 20 and in college over 20 yrs ago, my college sweetheart and I dated for abt 3 yrs. We were very close and inseparable. Our relationship was very passionate both mentally and physically. We were close to graduating and talking of marriage. I was young, knew I had a good thing, but yet felt that I needed more to compare it to and eventually I broke up with him, thinking in the back of my mind that he would wait for me. He was devastated, but immediately began seeing someone, I of course changed my mind immediately, but it was too late, he would have nothing to do with me and within a year, they were married. It lasted a couple of yrs, they divorced, he remarried and 6 yrs ago he contacted me out of the blue. We live in different states, we were both in unhappy marriages etc. We emailed and he professed his love for me all of these yrs blah blah blah. We met in person for the first time in 20 yrs, nothing physical, just talked and laughed for hours, reminisced etc. We stayed in touch and he led me to believe that he was going to get divorced and if I did also, we would finally be together again. This is the man who I always considered my soul mate, the relationship that I mourned for years. Long story short, I got divorced, only to find after a couple of years of future faking and silent treatments, that he was still married! Even after I found out the truth, He continued to try to string me along. This went on for 5 years!! I’m embarrassed to say that I allowed this for such a long period of time! But I thought that I was talking to the same man that I was so close to so many years ago! I’m still so confused, but. I don’t see how a normal person could allow another person to follow thru with a divorce if they knew that they were not doing the same! I’m trying to move on, but I have so many questions. At what age does a narcissist generally show his colors? I’m wondering if our relationship years ago even existed. Was he a monster then and I just didn’t see it? Please shed some light on this for me!

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Mon, 21 Nov 2016 09:09:35 +0000

In reply to HealingNow!.

Hey girl!!!

OMG…I’m grateful that you sent an update! I’m sorry about the restraining order but this WILL be the final time. As I told you, eventually the fog DOES clear. It’s all part of the process. Email me if you need to, okay? Any time that you need me, you know where to find me. I’ll always be here to support you:)

Zari xo

By: HealingNow!

HealingNow! — Tue, 15 Nov 2016 21:59:31 +0000

Hi Zari!
I want to post and say thank you! I contacted you back in May when I was finally able to go NC. I managed 5 months and then got the grand hover. It lasted 3.5 weeks and ended in a restraining order today. I wanted to post and say to anyone who is just starting to read and wonder, …. what is written is correct. I took the opportunity for some consults with Zari and that got me through the worst of the beginnings of NC. And I can vouch for the fact that they do NOT change. What came back after 5 months was exactly the same as what I walked away from 5 months prior. In fact, he was worse. He had depleted his finances and his last source was crazy as a loon so he was looking for control and hoping I was still it. What I got from you and your site was a constant reality check and finally!! after months of knowing… but not knowing… the fog started to clear. Every day I feel a little bit better even after the nasty hover I experienced.
Thank you!

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Tue, 08 Nov 2016 21:19:44 +0000

In reply to Agnieszka.

Hi Agnieszka,

Yes, Houdini it is!! Amazing, isn’t it? When we are involved with these people, our lives are all but interchangeable! I wouldn’t waste my time trying to explain any more than you already did…they will never “get it”. They simply feel entitled to do whatever they want with whomever they want whenever they want at anyone’s expense. Please BLOCK him from social media and any avenues of communication that may be still open. He shouldn’t be allowed to pop in whenever he feels like it to rile you up.

Stay strong and stay free!

Zari xo

By: Agnieszka

Agnieszka — Sun, 06 Nov 2016 10:03:21 +0000

I am SO thankful I found your site! I feel like I’m reading from the pages of my own journal, in exactly the same words. FINALLY some validation! I have found you just in the nick of time, on the threshold of my next potential hoover. I feel like I’ve jumped into the beautiful waves of salt water, engulfing every word on this page like a starving newborn. As I read the words others have shared, I hear myself cheering out loud, “YES!” This happened to me! I have literally used the same words! (temper tantrum, HOUDINI!!! is the nickname I gave my N and when I saw that Zari used the same word I nearly fell off my chair). At that moment, I knew everything I felt was real, my gut instinct was dead on the whole time. The very odd thing about my situation (well, I thought it was odd until I learned about the “timeless”ness aspect for the N), is that I had only been with my N for ONE MONTH over two years ago (and this only included 4 in person “dates”. I see now that time doesn’t matter. It does weird me out a lot that he still hoovers after knowing me for such a small period of time. On his final hoover I went off on him (through facebook text as he never had the courage to actually call me. This way he could remain passive and in control.) I responded to his bait text and was brutally honest stating things like, “You are not my friend, you are a stranger to me. You don’t deserve my friendship. You are a liar and I don’t trust you.” I really want to reiterate that I went on 4 dates with this guy TWO years ago (NEVER slept with him) and he STILL comes around. It’s just bizzare to me.

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Sat, 29 Oct 2016 01:03:40 +0000

In reply to Let’s DO this!.

Hi LET’S DO THIS!

You are the best cheerleader ever, my sister!!! I agree…let’s get the word out! Knowledge is absolute power in these situations and recovery from the abuse has to be a team effort:)

Thank you for all the kind words and for your support. You rock!

Zari xoxoxox

By: Let's DO this!

Let's DO this! — Mon, 17 Oct 2016 15:08:41 +0000

Awesome Zari!! You know what I wish? I wish your books would be passed out in schools. (High school perhaps?) Given to every girl (and boy) on the planet! This knowledge is SO IMPORTANT to the lives of so many who are falling prey and losing themselves on such a horrific level. Between the internet and Instagram I’ve found countless thousands of posts from people who, like you said, are all connected to the same hell. BUT WHY? At this point it seems people need to SUFFER THROUGH IT .. THEN DISCOVER… THEN HEAL! I TRULY HOPE every person on this planet SHARES your WEBSITE and in time we can PREVENT the HURT! Perhaps if EVERYONE KNOWS FIRST, the Narcissist can be PUT TO REST and NO ONE will be a VICTIM ever again! I know this is a pipe dream, but I also know that KNOWLEDGE IS POWER! And through amazing woman like you ZARI, that knowledge IS HELPING – IS HEALING – IS PREVENTING! I’m SO GRATEFUL to you and how you’ve OPENED UP and SHARED your GOD AWFUL story with us to let us all SEE THE LIGHT! You definitely gave me my AHA moment. It’s almost a year since I walked out on the asshole (yes one year!) and about 6 months since you and I have talked, I STILL think of things that make me say “WTF!” Seriously, I’m not one to take bullshit. I say how I feel (sometimes too much so), and I am not a pushover in normal situations. I’d never been sidelined in 45 years of relationships til the monster weaseled his way into my life. Imagine if I had KNOWN the TRAITS? Imagine if I knew from the VERY FIRST SIGN who he was!? Damn, I would’ve grabbed my coat, said “SEE YA!” and never looked back!!!! I would’ve CHEERED: “YAY!, DODGED THAT BULLET!” But that’s not what happened for me or for the majority it seems… NOT YET ANYWAY! But it’s never too late! So guys and gals reading this… LOOK OUT FOR YOUR FRIENDS, SISTERS, CO-WORKERS, ETC… and don’t turn a blind eye to the signs.. WARN THEM and best of all… send them the link to this site. I’ve already done that for 3 of my friends. Once they read about they all said “OMG, YES, that’s what he is!” LET’S STOP THESE MONSTERS DEAD IN THEIR TRACKS and TAKE AWAY THEIR POWER!!! SHARE SHARE SHARE! And don’t give up on those who are still “STUCK”. Leaving is not easy even when you KNOW! I’m so glad my sister and Mom never gave up on me! Let’s do this TOGETHER! <3