Comments on: To Male Victims of Female Narcissistic Partners

By: Willie Hite

Willie Hite — Wed, 07 Feb 2024 13:24:35 +0000

Out of a 12 year toxic hell for 4 years now.
Never knew what narcissist was until after.
Now I’m a professional after studying, excepting and remembering who I was before the marriage. Each article I read makes me sick to my stomach reminding me of specific incidents that happened to me. It took everything I had to except she never loved me and I basically wasted 12 plus years of my life giving everything I had to what I thought was my soul mate and making excuses for her behavior which I thought was caused by her abusive past. Everything from cheating, abuse of my kids and family, embarrassing me constantly at my job, NUMEROUS insane accusations and just constantly walking on eggshells. She is absolutely Gorgeous and used this constantly to keep her social media attention feeding her ego with a massive following. I feel for anyone experiencing this

By: Steven Nevling

Steven Nevling — Fri, 22 Dec 2023 22:52:11 +0000

As A male going thru the pain of a
FN breakup Your words helped me make sense of most of it.Not knowing how they manipulate everything threw me. And a part of me wants her to contact me to relieve the pain. I made sure I broke the relationship beyond repair. But I’m actively involved in self help. It’s getting better.

By: Robert mckenrick

Robert mckenrick — Thu, 21 Dec 2023 01:37:06 +0000

Thank you for the letter everything I read makes me stronger and validated

By: Arron

Arron — Sun, 03 Dec 2023 06:17:32 +0000

could not even read half of your so call letter to men for the piss poor apology letter. you clearly just glance or skim over males being abused, torn down and destroyed then highlight “how women suffer at the hands of males” You clearly have no idea do you. there is NO help for men suffering with the hell. if you google about help for men and actually find anything and start reading it I garrantee with in the first 1/4 of it, it turns it back on fellow men. I’m at the end of my rope literally right now and NO help or light at the end of my destroyed life. you should be ashamed

By: Patricia

Patricia — Tue, 14 Nov 2023 03:04:14 +0000

Mario I am so sorry ouch how painful you are still her father nothing your daughters mother can do can change that biologically she is your daughter I would say remind your daughter how much you love her stand up to this horrible woman tell her is she wants another guy is one thing thats bad enough but you are the father just because she wants to replace you make her daughter call some other guy her father what kind of a horrible woman would do something so mean a narcissist theres nothing wrong with you its all her. Are you in therapy need someone to care talk to you can talk to me.

By: Patricia Icard

Patricia Icard — Tue, 14 Nov 2023 02:57:22 +0000

to male victims of narcissistic abuse I do understand I was a victim of male narcissist I get it I still hurt if you are a good guy you would be a dream for me to have a good guy. i just want an attractive normal guy to love me but I have to heal myself.

By: Mario

Mario — Sun, 02 Jan 2022 01:47:45 +0000

My Narcissistic childs mother has replaced me in her life with another another man and she let’s my daughter call him daddy what do I do?

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Wed, 18 Aug 2021 20:38:26 +0000

In reply to Henry.

Hi Henry, I am so sorry for your situation and I apologize that I didn’t see it sooner. It’s time to make a final break. There is no “staying in it for the children” when you are involved and even married to a narc. Being sent to freeze in the garage, having the cops called left and right, and losing one’s job after 22 years…all three reasons to have left long ago. Please do not give up on yourself. Everything she has done is unforgivable. I hope you can get back on your feet in some way and just get on with your life. If you’re afraid of being alone, well, you already are and if you make it official, that you are never going back for more abuse, things will get better. Blessings to you, my friend….

By: Henry

Henry — Fri, 09 Jul 2021 19:28:57 +0000

My wife basically destroyed and took my entire life. I’m living homeless, trying to survive, while dealing with round 3 of criminal charges she had me arrested for, even though she admitted that the first 2 were wrong, and she shouldn’t have done it. I finally managed to be allowed to live at home again after 8 months and less than 24hours later she said she hadn’t wanted me home so soon. A week or so later she told me “I will have you removed again, you’ll see, you won’t be here long” so on Valentine’s day 2020 she did it again. And I’ve been able to see 4 our of our kids once, and two of them twice, since then. It’s July 2021 now, and all signs point to her not wanting me back at all, even though she says she loves me and wants to be together. She has displayed most of what is considered narcissistic behavior and bipolar Disorder, among others. She has no regard for what this does to our family or the kids. Her family is pushing for us to be apart and she listens to everyone else, even when she knows they’re lying about something, and she uses everything against me. Since our last child was born, I haven’t been able to do or say anything right. She has a problem with every single thing I do or say. She denies everything and anything. She doesn’t care how much she lies, to me, or anyone else. Whatever keeps her out of trouble and from having to deal with her actions. She would lock me out of the house for the night sometimes, no matter how cold it was. I live in Ontario Canada. I once spent the night in the garage when the temperature was minus 42 Celsius with the windchill. The garage is not insulated and is very drafty, and al I had was a small kerosene heater. And she did that often. Then she sent word to my manager at work that I was not sleeping and often staying out all night. I lost my job of 22 years soon after. One week later I was arrested for assault. And she agreed that I wasn’t guilty of assault. But she didn’t change her statement and tried to blackmail me with another accusation if I didn’t plead guilty. I refused, and she did it a second time. When I was home for 2 weeks in February 2020, she kept saying how happy she was before I came home again. And she has turned the kids and even my own family against me. I basically have nobody.
When I read other people’s stories about their experiences, it’s like reading my own. The is often one difference, but I’d say 95% is usually the same. And yes, we hurt too. I have always been more open about feelings and emotions and things like that than my wife, and I saw there was a problem and tried to work on our differences, but she refused. She’d say there was nothing to talk about or nothing was wrong. Then suddenly, everything was wrong and she made it public instead of talking to me. She accused me of things she did and does, and she is the one who creates the turmoil, and will follow me when I walk away, and won’t stop, until she has something to make me look bad for. She is the violent one. And she has the kids. She made me out to be a horrible father and husband. She has the house, my tools and equipment that I often need, but I can’t access them. She still controls so much of my life and it makes me feel sick every day. Sometimes it feels like my heart is literally being ripped out of my chest. My hair is going white rapidly and i’m 40. She used to be on antidepressants and going to counseling, which was helping, until her family decided it was not necessary. She has never been diagnosed with anything and I doubt she will be anytime soon, unless something happens that leaves her no choice but to finally go see a doctor about her behavior. After the first arrest I went to our family doctor for help, but she had beaten me there and turned him against me too.
I want to forgive her and be together again, for the kids sake at least. And we can be good together, but it’s not looking too hopeful. I don’t know what to think anymore. I have tried to get a little hope or something from her through others, but she gives me the opposite every time. Maximum damage and hurt, every time. I don’t know how people can do this to anyone. To their own children. The spouse they vowed to love honor and support for life. After the first arrest, she promised to do whatever it takes to be a good wife to me. But this is what I get instead. She doesn’t seem to feel any real remorse, and has no problem going to bed angry. She expects me to forgive her for everything with apology, and never let’s me off the hook for anything I ever did. She uses it over and over again no matter how many times I have asked her to forgive me.
Thanks for giving me a chance to talk about this. There really is next to no support for men in this area, and no one believes me anyway. Not the police, or social workers, people in general, as if they simply don’t believe me because of the extreme nature of what I say happened to me. I spend my weekends on a dirt road while my wife and kids go to family functions and gatherings.
Hopefully she and her family don’t come across this, or I’ll get it some way or another. If I dare say anything about this, they get furious.

By: David

David — Sun, 21 Mar 2021 04:55:16 +0000

I have been living in this hell for far too long. We’ve been married 13 years, have 3 daughters, but I’m older and wiser now (courage) and I can’t take it anymore. I know I’ve been covering it up. I am married to whom I feel like is the epitome of a female narcissist. I started putting my foot down late last year. Our family life (house) is riddled with tension, anxiety, and her explosive anger is off the chart. It is very scary for our girls. I feel like I’m constantly shaking now. My confidence level is like a roller coaster, and she’s only becoming more aggressive. Very few would believe me. My wife is seen as this “big-hearted best person I know” and “you’re so lucky to be married to her” narcissist. It sickens me. I can’t even type correctly or speak clearly right now.
I need a group badly, and of course seeing a therapist right now (Covid) is practically impossible given the high volume that’s seeking treatment. They are all booked solid. This is like prison. Mental torment. The things she has said to me, under breath, at the most opportune times, is unbelievable. You can’t even believe some would speak in such a way to inflict that type of harm. Nobody sees it. She is a master at it. I can go on and on. Thankful for running into your letter to men.

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Sun, 05 Jul 2020 06:17:32 +0000

In reply to Michelle Willis.

Hi Michelle,

Well, that’s tricky to say the least and since I don’t know whether you know the sister or the brother or both, it’s hard to tell you which way to go. If the sister is a narc, then she is typically the “Golden Child” of the family or whomever is the narcissistic parent. Whatever you do, do it gently so that they don’t dismiss right away. Gently lead the brother in that direction and if it’s the sister you know, then you could stand up for the brother or question her behavior but you may lose your spot in her ear simply because she’s a narc. Good luck to you on this one:)

By: Michelle Willis

Michelle Willis — Mon, 29 Jun 2020 01:49:24 +0000

What about when it’s a sister abusing her brother, who is so co-dependent he refuses to see it?

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Tue, 18 Feb 2020 23:49:47 +0000

In reply to Uriel. Thank you, Uriel!

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Tue, 18 Feb 2020 23:45:11 +0000

In reply to Dumb Bitch. Hi Dumb Bitch...sorry it has taken me so long to get your comment posted. Still trying to catch up. The whole point of the post is that we should all work together. And since it is far more difficult for men to get support in these matters, the fact that women step up to help is really awesome for all parties involved. Not sure who you were responding to but of course I would put up your comment because everyone needs to know the nonsense that is out there. However, I have to give credit where credit is due. By using the moniker "Dumb Bitch", at least you are being honest about who you are and what you stand for. Thank you for writing!

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Tue, 18 Feb 2020 09:06:41 +0000

In reply to William. Hi William...I don't but listen, go to Meetup.com for Orange County and search "narcissist support group" or something similar or support groups for me and see what comes up. They have at least one meet-up group if not many more in every city on every topic imaginable. It's a start and if you can't find one for just guys, take a chance on whatever one you see. When we dealt with a narc, it doesn't matter if we're male or female, we're all hangin' in the same boat. Meet-ups are great because there's no obligation. Give it a try brother. And you can always book a little time with me and I'd love to chat with you. You guys suffer even more than we do because of the lack of support. I am aware of this and want so much to change it. Good luck and I'm here if you need me:)

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Tue, 18 Feb 2020 07:42:48 +0000

In reply to Paul Price. Hi Paul, I am so sorry you are hurting but I am grateful you found your way to my website. Please consider booking some time with me, brother. Don't be afraid to share, brother. I have much sympathy for all male victims of female narcs...and especially for the mental anguish of a married male victim. Holy smokes...how are you standing up??? I imagine she has found a multitude of ways to torture you considering the situation. I talk to plenty of men who have felt isolated, on the outside looking in. You CAN get through it and I'd be happy to help you. Think about it...I am here to support you....you can always contact me via my email and we'll work out a game plan:)

By: Paul Price

Paul Price — Fri, 24 Jan 2020 04:17:11 +0000

I have been searching for genuine support regarding my own deconstruction at the hands of a narcisistic wife. The fact that my own search yielded next to nothing to read, learn, or understand about being a Male Victim of a Narcisistic Female, is in direct correlation with the absence of voice that we encounter when we have finally built enough courage to peak over the walls that silence us.
I know my own personal experience has been to climb back down and run back to my cell, since my peak over the wall made me more likely to report a bigfoot sighting than to share what it is like to be a married male victim.

By: William

William — Sat, 11 Jan 2020 23:45:33 +0000

Do you know of any supper groups for male victims in the Orange County, California area? It seems like a hard group to find.

By: Dumb Bitch

Dumb Bitch — Thu, 28 Nov 2019 03:13:36 +0000

“I must say that I’m very proud of the fact that when I do read letters/comments from male victims, the female victims on these sites step up to the challenge of being supportive.” You’re a fucking narcissist. Shut the fuck up. Case in point, this post won’t efface you, so it’ll be deleted.

By: Uriel

Uriel — Sat, 19 Oct 2019 19:31:38 +0000

Thank you so much for acknowledging and recognizing the pain that we go through. I’m not at all surprised that it’s worse. And I can’t wait to hear the reasons and your justifications. And with said, I will read your article.

By: Uriel

Uriel — Sat, 19 Oct 2019 19:17:25 +0000

I feel very comforted knowing that my pain is justified.

By: Brendan

Brendan — Thu, 15 Aug 2019 18:40:11 +0000

I was with a Female narcissist for a year. I have been eviscerated as a result. I once cherished the idea of having a Woman to hold (and to hold me) and enjoin all the wonderful thi hs an intimate relationship bring. But I am so turned off by Women at the moment. I want to trust again, but all of my worst fears and insecurities were preyed upon. I was one of the Good guys, but now I have to pick up the pieces of myself and rebuild.

And what’s even worse is that I’m starting to figure out that my Mother is a narcissist as well. So since birth I have been set up with this invasive type of person.

I am not able to find joy and satisfaction in much these days. I shudder to think that any Woman would want me now that I am broken and without direction (not very “masculine”).

But I am trying bit by bit to rebuild myself. I just have to get away from my Family too.

This is the biggest challenge I have ever faced.

By: Dave Weis

Dave Weis — Sun, 11 Aug 2019 21:56:49 +0000

Hi, I’m Dave, and I just got divorced from a narcissistic woman who took me on a financial roller coaster. No details needed now.. details don’t matter. It was the biggest mistake of my life. Financially, emotionally, and mentally painful in the extreme. To top it all off, I did the whistleblower thing with my supervisor regarding weapons at the workplace. Yes another female narcissist. I got a severance ( not enough, considering), and she was fired/let go shortly after I was “let go”. Double whammy and sickening. Don’t EVER think that narcissism is a male (or any other “gender” related issue). Not true;, but the stigma of being a male victim is outrageously ill conceived and, dammitatall sexist as hell. My mother is a narcissist, my dad is her enabler. Sigh. The Drama of the gifted Child, indeed. I wish to participate here, and give/receive help as I can. Thanks for your existence on the Web .

By: Jason

Jason — Sun, 04 Aug 2019 15:57:05 +0000

Thank You for addressing this issue Zari

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Sat, 04 May 2019 07:40:20 +0000

In reply to Rahul Pandey.

Hi Rahul…thank you for reading and I always say that the female narc is the worst! You are a survivor and an inspiration and most definitely the good one, I am sure. Take care, brother, and thank you for stopping by….

Zari:)