Comments on: Is Loving a Narcissist Our Fault? (Reconciling Blame)

By: Donna Giordano

Donna Giordano — Tue, 18 Feb 2020 11:31:19 +0000

In reply to Zari Ballard. Thank you so much!!

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Tue, 18 Feb 2020 08:08:10 +0000

In reply to Donna Giordano. Hi Donna!! I wish I could give you a big hug, sister. I am so so sorry that any of that happened to you and I am so sorry about the 11 girls!!! That makes me want to cry. I know this is so hard and it sure does seem as if he set you up. I know that you think there was nothing awry for those two years but there was....a narc is always stirring a witches brew in the background. Some thing was "off" even if it seemed "too good" to be true. This sounds very heart-breaking and if you can ever book some time with me, please do. I can help you sort it all out and change your perspective so that the pain becomes less and less. It's what I do all day, every day. I'm grateful that you found your way here and I am sending you a big hug across the miles...stay strong, sister and I am here if you need me....xo

By: Donna Giordano

Donna Giordano — Wed, 22 Jan 2020 19:10:56 +0000

Tears are just steaming down my face. Thank you for writing this. I was in a 1 year relationship with a Narcissist before but he was so different. Very Overt. Did everything I read about. This past two year relationship “seemed” like my dream come true. He barely showed his true colors. He acted like he adored me of course while I fulfilled his every need. I fell in love with “our house” and our family and friends. The gut wrenching part is he wanted Chickens. I lovingly hand raised 11 girls from two days old. I did 99% of their care. Now he blocks every attempt for me to get them back. My heart is missing 11 parts. I see now how profoundly cruel he is. When I also read about “Future Faking” it about bowled me over. He promised me the world and a life together until death. That was a big part of his abuse then a nasty discard for what seemed to be no reason. We never even had a fight in two years.He did it to discard me because I started to see the mask slip. Also to move within hours his “worst enemy” his EX wife. I now believe to use her and not pay 1000.00 a month Alimony for the last year. I had never read about Future Faking, now I know. In a nutshell Narcissists comes in many different shapes and sizes. Thank you.

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Tue, 30 Aug 2016 08:07:39 +0000

In reply to Collleen Riddle.

Hi Colleen,

Nope, you’ll never find any victim blame on this website! LOL. Look, it’s not abnormal for us to want to believe that the person that we love is telling us the truth or is sorry or whatever. The alternative is to walk around assuming everyone is lying and we’re just not going to do that. It’s hard, I know, but self-blame is completely non-productive.

I hereby grant you credit for all time served and and you’re free to be free!

Zari xo

By: Collleen Riddle

Collleen Riddle — Sat, 27 Aug 2016 08:51:35 +0000

Wow-I love the way u write. And u just tell it- there it is, raw n ugly. Just like it really is. I’m only 2 weeks out “officially ” , I got stronger every break up (4 of “em) so I should have some “time served” to add to the 2 weeks.
I have had a lot of self blaming/how could this happen to ME hang ups with my 13 year relationship. I’m an RN. A PSYCHIATRIC nurse x25 years. I knew the diagnostic criteria for NPD but absolutely nothing about this disorder! U know, u don t ever c a true narcissist n treatment . This stuff is devastating, life changing, and tramatIc…on a “good day”!
Ur article helped put everything n perspective and releived me of much of the confusion and self blame.
I NEVER knew there was such evil out there. I thought evil looked llike a Ted Bundy. But for evil to be your soul mate and “love” you –that’s a different kind of evil. Like bn stabbed from the inside ur heart/soul. To not only prey but to delight in the sufferings of the ones who love you the most!
God don’t like ugly. .just saying…
Keep writing. U inspire me!

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Sun, 20 Dec 2015 23:20:56 +0000

In reply to Maggie.

Hi Maggie,

I’d be willing to bet he’s been silent because he’s sitting at a computer or on his smart phone looking up “narcissism”. When I confronted mine with the same, he became fascinated by his own disorder, as if it gave him a reason to do all that he did. Then, of course, he ran around town telling everyone that I was a narcissist. Unfortunately, telling them doesn’t stop them nor does it make them want to do differently. It just gives them a comfort label…another weapon in the arsenal to use to their own benefit and to use against others. The good part is that he’s leaving you alone. Turn his silence into “no contact” and move on with your life. You deserve to be happy in this oh-so-short life.

Zari xo

By: Maggie

Maggie — Sun, 20 Dec 2015 14:02:05 +0000

These posts have helped me to understand what happened to me over a period of 5 years. It was an absolute emotional nightmare. I have for the most part recovered from his mental abuse…. I keep rereading your posts and am astounded each time how it fits exactly what I have experienced. I confronted my N with the fact that I am convinced he is a N/sociopath. His response was that I really hurt his feelings…. Since then not a word… Thank goodness….. I have let go completely now that I understand the dynamics of this ridiculous pretend relationship. I could write a book. I had no idea that people like this existed.