Comments on: Narcissist Abuse: Feeling Sad is No Reason to Go Back

By: Deepa

Deepa — Sat, 30 Mar 2019 18:41:14 +0000

My firend s a victim of narcissit abuse . The narci has been into too many relationships and has had tapped my friend too in a very well planned manner and has brain washed him upto to the level of marrying . But she was exposed due to her bad luck . Having known her true colours , he withdrew himself from her and went into no contact mode and was recovering well . . Having textimg him for few attempts and calling to which he dint respond , she has gone to no contact mode.

My friend has invested in her emotionally and says that he s unable to handle the hurt . Though he claims that he has thrown her and s determined not to get back to her he revisits the past and feels low . He misses her sometimes though there was nothing real in that relationship. . He s unable to handle the hurt and her no contact mode .

Kindly help us and suggest ways to get out of the hurt and how not to get back missing her .

By: Leah

Leah — Thu, 06 Dec 2018 06:06:49 +0000

so proud of you, Harry!!! I did read your all caps message to narc-ex. It was relieving for me, too. Thank you.

By: Tara

Tara — Sat, 15 Sep 2018 01:51:22 +0000

Hello Zari,

I’m a survivor of covert narcissist abuse. I would like to humbly share my encounters and experiences with people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder not just in romantic relationships but also in spiritual circles, so it may be helpful to others who may be going through a similar experience. I feel it is important to educate ourselves on the different shades of NPD because we can meet people with NPD anywhere in all levels of society. I wish you all much love on your road to recovery. <3

Read my story here: https://souljournaling1.blogspot.com/

By: Laura K

Laura K — Mon, 03 Sep 2018 18:10:26 +0000

Wow, I needed this today. I fell off the no contact wagon pretty hard yesterday and I’m dusting myself off today and starting all over(it feels like). I broke up with my narcissist BF a week and a half ago after I found out he cheated, yet again. I am pregnant and about 3 weeks from my due date and I feel more alone then ever….even though strangely I have really been alone the whole time. I do NOT want him back. But I contacted him out of anger because just thinking about all he has done to me and how my whole pregnancy has been hell because of him, well…I guess I wanted to lash out. I wasn’t even able to do that because he played the silent treatment. So I felt even more stupid then he normally makes me feel. Then there is the baby…I feel like just because I broke up with him now he will use the baby when she arrives as a tool to hurt me…

By: Harry Subasic

Harry Subasic — Wed, 22 Aug 2018 08:26:19 +0000

Well I thought I was done with that part of my life . Have had NO CONTACT with my abusive ex since mid-December 2017 . Thought that by me not talking to her and the fact that she had someone new , I would be left in peace . How stupid of me . Today I get 2 emails that I didn't read and double deleted . But I could she the first few words of the emails and the first one started "Why can't we be friends?" . The second started "I miss our friendship." Makes me so angry that I want to scream ! I want to write back in all CAPS ! I want to write back; ;;;;;;;;; "FRIENDS ? WHY CAN'T WE BE FRIENDS ? MAYBE IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE TIME YOU WERE DRUNK AND YOU TOOK YOUR LONG FINGERNAILS AND TORE MY CONTACTS OUT OF MY EYES WHILE YOU WERE TRYING TO BLIND ME ! MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE OF THE TIME YOU DRUGGED MY COFFEE POT WITH SLEEPING PILLS AND i LUCKILY PASSED OUT AFTER ONLY DRINKING 1 CUP . MISS OUR FRIENDSHIP ? YOU WEREN'T MISSING OUR FRIENDSHIP WHEN YOU DISAPPEARED AND WERE DATING THOSE 6 DIFFERENT GUYS DURING OUR 5 YEAR MARRIAGE ! OR MAYBE IT'S THE 100 OTHER THINGS YOU DID TO SABOTAGE OUR MARRIAGE FROM THE VERY BEGINNING ! WHERE WERE YOU THE WHOLE YEAR OF 2017 WHEN i SPENT THE MAJOR PART OF THE YEAR IN THE HOSPITAL BECAUSE i WAS ILL AND CAME CLOSE TO DYING AND WAS EVENTUALLY PUT IN A MEDICALLY - INDUCED COMA ? WHERE WERE YOU !? AND I KNOW YOU DON'T REALLY MISS ANYTHING ABOUT US ! I KNOW THAT FOR SOME REASON YOU AREN'T GETTING WHAT YOU NEED , THE DRAMA AND THE CHAOS , YOU USE TO FILL UP YOUR NARCISSISTIC GAS TANK THAT FUELS YOUR LIFE ! WELL SORRY {NOT SORRY} BUT YOU WILL NEVER USE ME AS YOUR WHIPPING BOY EVER AGAIN ! I HAVE A GOOD LIFE NOW ! I AM CONTENT AND HAPPY IN MY NEW LIFE AND NOTHING YOU SAY OR DO CAN DRAG ME BACK INTO YOUR WHIRLWIND OF CHAOS AND DESTRUCTION ! NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN ! EVER !!! But i'm not going to write back . I'm over that part of my life and nothing can take me back there . Sorry friends but I needed to vent . Feel a little better now , not so angry , If you read this thank you ! I wish you peace

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Sun, 12 Aug 2018 09:32:42 +0000

In reply to Bridget Sage.

Hi Bridget,

I’m going to write you from my personal gmail account…….I think you might be a plan. I obviously have fallen so far behind…..I could use the help. It’s hard being a one woman show:)

Look for my email in the next day or so….

Zari:)

By: Diane gibbs

Diane gibbs — Thu, 02 Aug 2018 00:09:29 +0000

Wow,
I recently divorced after being married to a sociopathic narcissist for 35 years. And yes, I loved him, grieved over the losses, and still miss him. But , now his girlfriend of 4 years has reached out to me to confirm that I tried to warn her! She also has apologized for the wounds and hurts she caused me while with him..(she became his puppet and drank the koolaid) It is cathartic for us both to know we were NOT the unhealthy ones. He is 65 and all therapists have said he will never change- only change victims. He recently married a sketchy person he knew only 3 months… She is a model, actress and posts their photos all over social media.
Looks like the Karma bus has finally picked him up!!

By: Bridget Sage

Bridget Sage — Mon, 02 Jul 2018 21:40:12 +0000

HI there, I am a writer and in a narcisstic relationship. I study it extensively and read 4 books last week alone. It fascinates and confuses me because I just can’t comprehend it but see it clearly at the same time. I would love to help you and work for you when over whelmed and write articles, answer clients and just give good advice. I have been in a few of these relationships and its so hard to convince us to leave. Contact me if you need a writer or assistant.

By: Laura

Laura — Thu, 28 Jun 2018 19:02:37 +0000

Well i’ve done it. I’ve been no contact since Monday but today i bit the bullet and actually blocked my narc. We were engaged for 3 years, i had an amazing relationship with his daughter from when she was 3 yrs old till we split, then i found out he had been cheating, this was along with all the silent treatments and discards that had been going on for the last year of the relationship. We split up for 6 months, it was like i never existed, he even cut me out of his daughter life and to be fair i spent more time with her than he did, we had a very loving relationship. Stupidly i started seeing him again on a mainly sexual basis. The discards and silent treatments have carried on for the last 2 years, i’ve never been with anyone who has made me feel so used and worthless, like a piece of meat. I even took an overdose over this guy who sadly i still love. For my own mental health i know it has to stop as it will never change, he’ll never be that guy i first fell in love with, but now that i’ve blocked him i have such a mixture of feelings. Sadness, fear guilt, i’m terrified that he’ll still try to hoover me and terrified that he wont. The hardest thing is going to be for me to stick to it myself, and advice would be majorly appreciated x

By: Latessa

Latessa — Mon, 09 Apr 2018 19:27:20 +0000

I am going through a legal separation right now from a 27 1/2 yr marriage that I can honestly say that only the last 5 years were hell but then I looked back & their were red flags.
I realized something important that may help everyone with the sadness. I realized that he took on my positive attributes, he mimicked me & the only nice things he ever did was go along with me while I did them. He never ever helped anyone on his own.
So, what thought was what I loved about HIM was in reality what I liked about me & I am not losing me???? I am holding on to this thought while I face going through the whole court thing & every time I feel sad.

By: Debra

Debra — Fri, 06 Apr 2018 16:33:36 +0000

I am a female and was in a committed partnership with my girlfriend for 15 years. She wanted out of the relationship and left in July 2015. We saw each other through December of that year as strictly friends. Eventually, there was a falling out and we did not speak again until Mid-March. She is an alcoholic, and in March of 2016 she contacted me, saying she was reaching out to me. She had started AA. We have been friends now for two years, and it has for the most part been enjoyable. However, there was a lot of pushing and pulling on her part. Due to my enabling, I was fully into the relationship but wanted more. Being retired,there was an imbalance of attention. So I did everything I could to win her back, and It was going nowhere. Her relationship with her AA friends intensified throughout these two years. I am totally accepting of those relationships. In the last few months I started to feel that when I was present, I wasn’t present. She didin’t want to converse, or do much of anything except hang out. She was in control of when to meet, how often, and what she needed. Her therapist told her she has a bit of a narcissistic personaliity disorder. I feel like I have just been a placeholder while she worked on herself, and feel sad that it isn’t going to work out. I told her I couldn’t be in the relationship because of my strong feelings, and the distance I feel. She called me two days later and still wants to be my friend, and said let’s not say goodbye. As a friend told me this will go on forever if I let it; the pushing and pulling. I still very much love her and it will be difficult to not respond to her call or text. Any advice as to how to be strong about this. Reading this blog has helped me somewhat to deal with the sadness.

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Sun, 25 Mar 2018 20:32:08 +0000

In reply to Erin Schunk.

Hi Erin,

Laughing is good because these people ARE ridiculous. Finding the humor in it absolutely helps. In my coaching sessions, you wouldn’t believe how much laughing we do when we start comparing stories. It helps you sit back and look at it from an entirely different angle. Thank you for your comment…I agree!

Zari xo

By: Erin Schunk

Erin Schunk — Thu, 22 Mar 2018 01:32:20 +0000

I believe. If you laugh about it all … and think I wish he’d move on … that it helps. This strategy helped me .. along with reading your books.

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Thu, 08 Mar 2018 05:41:54 +0000

In reply to Suze.

Hi Suze!! OMG, I am so glad to hear from you and I’m glad I could provide some good here-and-now reading during the emotional roller coaster ride. I remember it well. All is good here…even better now that I’m hearing from you:) Please do share more in an email – I would love to hear what has been happening with you, sister:) xoxoxo

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Thu, 08 Mar 2018 04:10:42 +0000

In reply to Jessica. Hi Jessica, I actually have an answer for that....in a pro-active recovery, my formula is that it will take one month for every year you've been in it for life to start clearing up. I talk about this in my book Stop Spinning, Start Breathing. There's a mental process...a shift...that has to occur and I explain this. You CAN get this jerk out of your head...even after eight years. I promise. I also do phone consults and can guide you through it. Otherwise, you are doing the right thing by reading about it and finding stories just like your own. It has to be pro-active because there is no magic fix but, trust me, your heart got you into this mess and your head can get you out of it. You simply have to get a clear perspective and realize that the loss may hurt but it's the only logical thing to do. There are no other options if you want to live. And the new girl...she is simply another victim. History always repeats itself - especially in a narcissist's world..... Zari xo

By: Suze

Suze — Mon, 05 Mar 2018 22:24:01 +0000

Hi Zari. I am so glad your article popped up today. Life has taken many twists and turns since we last spoke will share more in an email. But as if you and the universe are tuned into my here and now ,I am simultaneously rereading WLIAL. The resonance of addiction and narcissistic behaviour has needed to be revisted. Oh thd cyclical world of dependence of momentary highs and ever decreasing crumbs is such a monstrous habit to break. Hope all is well with you. Suze x

By: Jessica

Jessica — Mon, 05 Mar 2018 00:46:37 +0000

Great post! Thank you. It does kind of leave me with a question, though. How long is it normal to miss them so much you don’t think you’ll ever feel normal again. I have not spoken to my ex in 6 months. (Together 8 years). Two weeks after he discarded me he started dating a girl he had cheated on me with 5 years ago. They are now engaged. I can’t believe any of this and it has me doubting there’s anything wrong with him, that it was all me, and I can’t make sense of it. After six months he is still on my mind all day, and I’m tired of it. But I don’t know how to stop it.