Comments on: Cheating Narcissists & Why Great Sex with You Changes Nothing

By: Maria Jane

Maria Jane — Fri, 06 Aug 2021 21:27:50 +0000

“I was in Miami with my HUSBAND and his parent for vacation. We had flown there on their private jet for a

great weekend. Something felt off. Like, really off. And I did what you’re never supposed to do I reached

out to hackgoodnesstech on insta, gram who helped me gain access to his phone without him knowing. It turns

out he slept with someone else! So, there I am in Miami with his family with no way of hopping a flight back

and we weren’t scheduled to leave for 2 more days. And this was our wedding anniversary. Right before dinner

with his family.” MEN ARE WHAT?

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Fri, 26 Jul 2019 08:28:22 +0000

In reply to vince Sanchez.

Hi Vince,

This is such a sad story. I am grateful that you have the kids and yes, that does speak for itself. This woman is awful, narcissistic, and a sex addict to boot. She reminds me of character in a movie a long, long time ago…”Looking for Mr.Goodbar” with Diane Keaton. It was about a female sex addict who runs around picking up strange guys for the thrill of it. It didn’t end well. Do not spend time wondering WHY. You have to be glad you have escaped with your life and your HEALTH. Believe me, you are not alone and female narcs are the worst of the worst. I am so sorry for your pain, the emptiness will pass if you allow it too, my friend.

By: stephanie miller

stephanie miller — Tue, 07 May 2019 20:29:54 +0000

12 years for me and did the back and forth. I went down the rabbit hole and I know there’s more than what I even found out about. The last cheating incident was my last, I couldn’t have sex with him without thinking of him with her and all the rest, so what was originally amazing sex now didn’t occur or ended with me crying or pushing me off of me. It made me sick to my stomach cause he wasn’t safe with any of these women. I finally met my limit way too many years and fights later but this time is different for me. It doesn’t change and it’ll never change, he’s 45 years old and I pitty him cause he’ll die alone but that’s what he deserves. Working on breaking the cycle but getting myself back and living mostly stress free (i still get calls, the pics I sent to him, he’s set his social media to private, breaking into my house, etc) I’m sleep easy hell it got so bad I couldn’t even sleep in the same bed with him. He sneakily moved out I came home early from work and he said he just had to come back for the jeep and the cat but everything else was gone. Of course knee jerk reaction as I’m trauma bonded was shock, hurt, pain, but this isn’t the first time he just upped and moved out. The cat is gone, that’s ok wasn’t my cat, but the jeep is still at my house but I don’t even bother him to remove it it’s all a ploy to keep and establish contact. I did slip up but I’m newly on no contact and unfortunately may need to get a restraining order (again). Pages like this, comments from others that have experienced this help me stay strong so thank you and I hope if you’re reading this break the cycle. It’s an abusive relationship that will never bring you joy or happiness and this life is too short to not have anything but joy and happiness with the person you love.

By: vince Sanchez

vince Sanchez — Sat, 30 Mar 2019 11:55:17 +0000

Hi, I am the HUSBAND of a narcissist wife. This information is so correct it just further breaks my heart. I knew my wife was cheating even before we got married, and we married within a year and a half of starting to date. It seems that one of my kids knew/knows of the personality of his mother though she successfully hid her ‘wounded self’ from me for nearly 18 years. Sometimes i feel like im nuts. Othertimes if feel like im so correct in my assessment that the fact that others just don’t seem to be able to comprehend makes me feel even more nuts. I am stable though. luckily my family is still intact; meaning my mother and father are still together and my siblings 5x are there to support. Also, i am grateful for the faith i was taught, beginning with the truth that we all recognize in our hearts/minds otherwise known as our spirit. I am so sad. I miss my wife very very very much. But the truth is i never had a wife given that the promise of marriage is between two people. I now know that she was spreading herself around the entire time. I was loyal, this is in my nature. After her abuses spread to our children, or more appropriately, after i realized and was finally told by my kids about the abuses they were suffering, i decided to ‘push’ her out. I did so by standing my ground one night after she covertly punched me in the eye. This sort of thing only started happening after i found her pictures, the most disturbing a spouse can find of there loved one. Things so against the sanctity you might have believed in that hurt is not a real word anymore. My wife Monique L San is still loved by me very much.. I do mean so very much. But she is not a real person. There is a Wounded Self and a Fake Self at work in her and it took me 18 years to discover this. Since i have i have been punished for every question, every suspicion. Punished to the point of sleeping in the garage having reversed the deadbolt so i could sleep…..sometimes. I still have done all i can to protect my kids; all 6 of them but there came a time when i knew it had to end. This was last Saturday. So i used the situation when she punched me to STAND. She instantly showed her hate for me and i didn’t back down. I told her the TRUTH and she got her necessities and split. Now she is claiming i am an abuser. She did this for so long and i never knew until i gained access to her Instagram posts. She GAVE me access in an attempt to appease my fear so she could covertly continue with her exploits. I looked further back than she expected however and found that she was attempting to ‘Hook Up’ with just about everyone we knew. Her work friends, those we met along the way, MY COUSINS, even my brother is holding something back but at this point i can see right through him. She is meeting mainly with people, men and women, over 60. Im not really sure why. I think it is because she has been amassing money knowing that i would eventually not accept here continued cheating. HAVE YOU EVER HAD YOUR SPOUSE MAKE AN EXCUSE TO LEAVE, DRIVE DOWN THE ROAD AND PIC UP A MAN OR WOMAN AND THEN DRIVE STRAIGHT TO THE NEAREST AREA WHERE THEY COULD DO WHAT THEY DO FOR 10, 15, 20, 25, or 30 MINUTES AND THEN RETURN HOME WITH THE SMELL ON HER AND IN HER CAR, WHICH YOU BOUGHT HER, AND IMMEDIATELY ASK YOU TO ‘F’ HER? Have you ever seen or felt, or smelled, the ‘Stuff’ of another person running down her legs, or soaked into her panties or just play pouring out of her and STILL ENGAGED with her? I have. THE PAIN IS UNREAL, AND THIS IS WHAT SHE NEEDED EVEN MORE SO THAN SATISFYING, OR ATTEMPTING TO SATISFY, HER HYPERACTIVE SEX DRIVE. SHE NEEDED ME AS COVER….FOR 18 YEARS!!! HOW DO I KNOW? BECAUSE I KNEW RIGHT AWAY. DROPPED A VIDEO CAMERA IN THE BACK SEAR OF HER CAR WHEN WE WERE STILL DATING AND SHE CAME UP WITH REASON TO DRIVEW 50 MILES ROUND TRIP TO A STORE SHE NEVER WENT TO BEFORE AND HASN’T SINCE. YEP YOU GUESSED IT..I HAD TO SHUT LENS COVER BECAUSE WHEN IT WAS OPEN THE LEDs ON THE CAMERA WERE EVIDENT. SOO I ONLY CAUGHT AUDIO. THIS AUDIO PLAINLY REVEALED SEX. I WAS OBLITERATED. THEN SHE SOMEHOW DISTRACTED ME ENOUGH AND FOR LONG ENOUGH THAT I CHALKED IT UP TO ME NOT REALLY KNOWING WHAT WAS TRUE AND WHAT WASNT. This is the CONTROL she has had over me for all of these years. She demanded funds everyday. Never too much, mostly 25 or 50 her and their to just do this or that. Then she started asking for hundreds and not saying why. I gave her the money because at the time i still did not know about all of this. I did quickly realize she wasnt spending it however. I printed a transfer statement about 2 months ago because money started moving out of my account without my knowledge. Transferes and withdrawls…100 here 38 there.. SHE MOCKED ME and called a PU*** a BI*** and everything else a person can call another to make them feel…like not going on. Then she would make something to eat and bring me a plate, usually in the garage where i sat staring without meaning to, just lost in a sort of black hole. She stopped feeding our little ones.. Only tossing a bag of chips at them here and there while she made herself great personal meals. She is a very good cook. I saw all of this but really couldn’t believe it.. It is the strangest, in addition to the most terrible thing to finally realize what your life actually means to THE PERSON. THE PERSON YOU **STILL LOVE** after finding all of this. SHE IS GONE THOUGH. SHE IS THREATENING custody battle now. She didnt want to be a mom when she was here..Told me flat out many times. SHE SCREAMS CUSS WORDS AT ME AND AT THEM ALL THE TIME, like she cant even hear herself. She went to the kids school to give them some money the other day, and she told them to expect her to come for them on Sunday. Since she left i have still sent her love messages. I wanted her to know how much i miss her. What a fool i am. I hope she… I don’t actually have anything to hope for.. What is this? I know but i still don’t understand. Im sorry for my post. I needed someone, just anyone to know what me and my children are surviving. SHE went to a shelter. Im all good with that. My fear is that she is saying that i was the one, you know. She did leave the kids with me though and i think that speaks for itself. I never touched her, not one single time in an aggressive manner. I never even covered up when she struck me again and again, sometimes cutting me in strange patterns on my face with her hands. EVENTUALLY SHE DID THE SAME TO OUR SIX YEAR OLD AND I had to stand. So why am i so empty and she is so happy? What in the world makes a person do things like this? -vince

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Fri, 15 Feb 2019 20:18:23 +0000

In reply to Keri.

Hi Keri, please tell me that you are ending this 23-year affair. He obviously is a “collector” of women and there isn’t a single reason to stay one more day. If you do, he will have gotten away with everything. With a narc, it’s all about what they can get away with. Do not allow any more disrespect. Kick him to the curb and save the rest of your life because he has no problem wasting it away. What we allow ill continue……xo

By: Keri

Keri — Tue, 12 Feb 2019 00:56:15 +0000

I just found out my 23 year relationship has been cheating with prostitues for 2 plus years and had at least 6 women he was sleeping with the first 5 years of the relationship with me. He has no guilt. Swore to me when we met and after that he had been alone for a couple years.. I’m so gullible. He excused it saying well it’s hard to end it with other women. BUT your the only one I love… wow. I felt so alone. I’m glad and sad there are so many of us out there. I found out about all this cheating because he brought home a Std. He’s verbally and mentally abusive. Even blaming me for his affairs and excusing himself. Ever the Victim. We had a great sex like. Yup. Didn’t help. I despise him. And still feel great loss. O yes he actually suggested I contact the affair of 30 years who knew about me but is now married, as he said she could explain it better. Like poor him he had to run to her because he wasn’t getting his way at home. Ever the victim. . Keri

By: Kristi Wright

Kristi Wright — Sun, 07 Oct 2018 11:52:02 +0000

18 years in total!! We broke up five years ago but I was never able to go no contact. Got back together with him two months ago thinking he’d changed. hahahahaha I was even contacted by his “current” girlfriend to meet and talk…showed up to the meeting place and there was a third woman there…he had been seeing the two of them for two years. IN SPITE of this, I believed his lies and got back with him. Then, I LOOKED AT HIS PHONE!!!! Yet, here I am…an emotional wreck!! I should be happy to be rid of such a pig. Ughhhhhh

By: Emily

Emily — Mon, 23 Jul 2018 14:34:38 +0000

Wow, everything written in this is so true it actually is quite emotional to read.
My previous relationship was exactly like this, it all happened so quickly… its very unlike me to ever fall for anyone or even get in a relationship so when people saw me with someone and see us together it was quite a shock.

The first 6 months of our relationship couldn’t have been any more perfect and I’d be lying if I said they wasn’t the best 6 months of my life, I moved in with him, we decorated the place exactly how we wanted it as a couple… and a few months down the line I fell pregnant…. however I developed sepsis whilst pregnant and lost the baby 7 weeks into the pregnancy and our relationship spiralled out of control from there.

I found out he had been in contact with his ex partner and was sleeping with her, and also another girl… there were 3 of us! Me being me and wanting to believe he would change for me got back with him, we booked a holiday together and decided that we would try for a baby and actually plan this time and it felt right. Thankfully, we fell out (once again) the holiday got cancelled, he took one of the boys and I also found out he was still seeing another one of the girls from before!

That was the final straw for me, I let my guard down massively and he absolutely broke me into pieces which everyone thought was impossible…. (myself included) the hardest part is he still has this weird way of contacting me even though he’s not allowed to have my number, or have me on any social media as he is now with one of the girls he was sleeping with whilst with me!.. Yet he still manages to be at the same places at the same time as me, and joined the same gym as me after 14 years of being at his old gym as he is very close with them personally. Very Strange!

This article was a breath of fresh air – thankyou.

By: Susan

Susan — Tue, 10 Jul 2018 17:51:28 +0000

because I was with a Narc in the past who was a somantic, I was shocked when I caught him cheating after all the great sex we had and I was stunned. as I healed and learned about the disorder I did accept it and felt relief knowing I didn’t have the burden of dealing with all the other drama and we can just shag together. That went away quickly because emotionally the connection is far greater than the actual act. I got myself involved with another one – this one a cerebral who didn’t like sex much – but still I knew he was cheating and called him out on it once and then the second time, he shut me down and found another and moved her in his home yet tried to hit on me again. Thankfully there’s social media and they BOTH got blasted by me and shut down for their antics and I stepped away. It’s difficult but there’s no better high than knowing you are all that enough to attract these people back for their drug and you have the power to take it away from them. I know first hand that removing “your drug” they fall apart quickly, age rapidly and melt before your eyes. It’s sad to see it when you care this much for them, but it has to be this way. My second one changed so much in 2 years and still in and out of my life to get the goods from me to survive. When he was the most vulnerable I took him out and his new supply as well and now letting then two go at each other and I’ll just watch from a distance. I know he’ll try again, but this is where I need to be in a happier place smiling at him and waving.

By: Taesen

Taesen — Wed, 13 Jun 2018 13:02:01 +0000

After 16 years and 2 children, my husband got caught cheating. He had a girlfriend 15 years younger than him that he’d had for 2 years! He admitted to 4 other affairs. After reading many books to understand how my life got turned upside down I discovered he is a narcissist. He suffers from Reactive Attachment Disorder as an infant. Due to his neglect in the first 18 months and never bonding to his primary caregivers, he can never securely attach to anyone. He will always have a void and spend the rest of his life seeking the comfort of women trying desperately to fill his mommy void that is blue printed on his soul. It’s a very sad situation. We are left devastated. He’s completely unaware.

By: Scott

Scott — Mon, 28 May 2018 16:42:11 +0000

Just went through 3 years of this with my ex girlfriend.
Although I never caught her outright there were hints and lingering people on the perimeter. She would always accuse me of cheating on her but now I know is was total mirroring. I never gave her a reason to think anything remotely close to wanting to be with someone else ever. Oh and the needling to promote a reaction and see if she could get me to blow up was just incredible, like a child tugging on you shirt all day and then tell me I’ve got anger issues….on and on and on….just so much bullshit…..the waiting on her hand and foot unless I wanted the silent treatment, holy shit !! Withholding sex oh my god, and still I wouldn’t cheat. It was so ridiculous, and now she’s ghosting me for 3 weeks on even after I tried reaching out after our last fight so now I’m ghosting her.
This is just fucking insane, totally nuts.

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Sun, 25 Mar 2018 20:33:36 +0000

In reply to Amy.

Hi Amy,

Your welcome and now you have to find a way out. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. We create our own prisons and you have to come up with a strategy that works for you. I know you can do it….

Zari xo

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Sun, 25 Mar 2018 20:29:17 +0000

In reply to angel. Hi Angel, I hope you enjoy the book and find comfort in my words. Our lives become all but interchangeable. If you need to talk about it, consider booking some time. You don't have to suffer with the decision to end it...you just have to stay the course. Life is way too short for this nightmare to continue when we have the power to stop it. Zari xo

By: Amy

Amy — Fri, 23 Mar 2018 07:46:12 +0000

I just want to say Thank You! I thought noone else knew what was going on. Thank you so much I’m freaking out rite now! It’s like I wrote everything u said. I want out but it’s like I’m trapped n my own home? Krazy…

By: angel

angel — Sat, 10 Mar 2018 20:21:57 +0000

Zari, wow this article was a lot to take in and familiar in my relationship. Felt many of those things you mentioned in your article. He discarded me in a very angry manner last weekend, I know it you says they all come back I don’t believe he will. I will start to feel this is a good thing for me in time. I am sure when I can manage all the feelings of loss and believe he really didn’t love me. I appreciate all the articles you posted they are providing me good insight as to what I was dealing with.

I just received your book I am hoping it will provide me some direction how to handle this permanent breakup and find my future with someone that appreciates and respects me.

By: Ali

Ali — Wed, 21 Feb 2018 23:54:34 +0000

My 33 year marriage was blown to bits. My husband had an affair 10 years ago. He told me he wanted a divorce and he was leaving me and sons. Taking everything because I was the one who ruined our marriage. He was a pastor and loved the attention and not having to answer to anyone but God. When it came out that he was sexting, graphically, a woman he knew it would wreck his hard won reputation, so he came back to me saying we could work it out. No explanation, no questions answered. I was to submit. He was to be the head of the household. He always had to look perfect. Sex became his way of showing he cared. Not love. Silent cold sex. Fast forward to Summer 2017. He is now a detective with the sheriff’s office. He starts working more, sleeping with phone by bed, texts often, changes password, gets expensive watch he won’t tell me who from, and is verbally and emotionally abusive. Tells me these crazy lies. Like when I find Viagra package empty in his closet he tells me he took it in case I was in the mood! All in one month! When I would call him at work he accused me of not trusting him. That I had the problem. I was manipulative because I wanted to know where he was if he was 3 hrs late. Or why I was upset he bought a motorcycle instead of health insurance for me. Finally Christmas night he left to work out. I went by gym. He wasn’t there. 2 hrs later he shows up drunk. Told me that he hasn’t been in love with me for a long time. Now he has moved out. Blantly see his girlfriend, who is younger alpha female. Plays head games. Tells me he wants divorce but won’t tell me what details. I feel like he’s just playing this power game. I am so shattered. I was always giving in, always faithful.

By: Allie

Allie — Sat, 10 Feb 2018 03:22:31 +0000

In reply to patrizia.

You speak the truth ma’am. I’ve spent my entire adult life with a man I am only now realizing is a narcissist. 14 years, 3 miscarriages, an almost innumerable amount of loved ones lost, but also 3 healthy children and many more born of the loved ones in our lives. So many things that should have strengthened our bond, a connection that should be singularly ours. But no, apparently that’s starry-eyed naivety, overly emotional BS. My twin died. Rather than be my husband he left me, said i lost my mind, became unstable. I did, I became bed ridden and consumed with emptiness. And he left. Less than a week later I found he had gone to an ex, he had been sharing photos of our children with her, their achievements, my shortcomings. All those years. They wished she was their mother. A woman who had never even met my children, as far as I knew. I’m fairly sure now that she has though. Why not? There is no loyalty, not even in our bond as parents. Not even that was sacred between us. I confronted him. I was met with denial, ridicule, blamed for his betrayel, told he did nothing wrong. My depression deepened, I was having thoughts of suicide. The more his true self came through though, the stronger I became. I didn’t need him. I was better without. As soon as he became aware of my resolve he moved back in. And slowly the chopping away began again. It hurt him so badly that I forced him out of his home, away from his children, tears at how I didn’t look at him the same, he felt unloved….i must be cheating, how could i, name calling, accusations of abuse while abusing me. It will never be any different with him. He’s very much so a narcissist and I’m quietly getting my affairs in order and counting the days until I’m able to leave the sorry motherfucker behind. For good. This article is one more piece of steel in my backbone, lends a bit more strength to my resolve. Thank you, truly.

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Sat, 30 Dec 2017 01:33:04 +0000

In reply to Bruce pedersen.

Hi Bruce,

From my own experience with a narc and from the many, many stories that come through this website and via my phone calls, it appears that most of not all narcs had some kind of abuse when younger and by abuse, I mean more along the lines of NEGLECT. My thinking is that when children aged 3 – 9, say, are neglected by one or both parents (the mom, mainly, who is usually a narc herself), they just don’t innately learn the tools for loving and caring for others. This part of their soul just never develops. It’s either that or the narcissistic gene is hereditary and would have worked it’s way to the forefront anyway. I honestly don’t know. What I do know is that the narcs that we deal with are ADULTS and they have seen enough of the world to know what is right, wrong, frowned upon, etc. They just don’t care. This fact alone makes any relationship involving this type of person completely non-sustainable no matter how hard we try.

Zari:)

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Sat, 30 Dec 2017 00:57:16 +0000

In reply to patrizia.

Your welcome…I’m grateful for your visit and that you are NOT destroyed:) Have a wonderful narc-free 2018….xoxo

By: patrizia

patrizia — Wed, 27 Dec 2017 22:03:04 +0000

Wow, Wow, Wow.. this is the best description of a narcissistic attitude. Nonetheless, mine was a true charmer. I would always say- “this is to true to be real !!” — been there, but it did not destroy me.

Zari, I love your words in the article, so on point – this is a wary – “it’s just that he feels entitled to cheat even if everyone else doesn’t. But the narcissist is smart, don’t forget, and, therefore he knows what he has to do, what he has to hide, and how he needs to act in order to wander anonymously through life.”

— thank you

By: Bruce pedersen

Bruce pedersen — Mon, 04 Dec 2017 09:07:27 +0000

In reply to Zari Ballard. Thank you so much for this on-line support group. It really does help. N's seem to be in plentiful supply. I too I'm glad to have gotten out early but the narcissist can really get their hooks into you, manipulate and play the victim. Do N's become this way because of a past trauma?

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Sun, 03 Dec 2017 23:44:22 +0000

In reply to DALENE.

Hi Dalene,

You don’t have any choice but to call the authorities. There is no other option if, as you say, you “have no life at all”. Why should he be allowed to get away with that? He is threatening you. How does he take material things from you…by force? Has he physically abused you? The reason that I ask is because I am trying to figure out where the fear comes from. If you don’t answer the door, he has to go away some time and the truth is that eventually they will find something else to do. The time between door knocking assaults gets longer and longer. If you can’t wait that long and he is seriously making you fear for your life, tell him you will call the cops if he doesn’t leave OR just go down to the courthouse and have him served with a restraining order without saying a thing. Let me know how it goes…

Zari x0

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Sun, 03 Dec 2017 23:28:25 +0000

In reply to Bruce Pedersen. Good for you for getting out quickly!!!...xoxo

By: Bruce Pedersen

Bruce Pedersen — Fri, 01 Dec 2017 16:16:39 +0000

Zari, Thank you for this article. I made the mistake of marrying an extreme narcissist who also had Paranoid Personality Disorder and Delusional Disorder. Quite the toxic cocktail. There were many signs that I rationalized, wrote-off or simply tolerated. Narcissists are masters at charm and seduction. I filed for divorce after a whole year of marriage. I’m happy it came-out so quickly and it wasn’t after 10 years. Everyone needs to know about NPD and look for the signs and if you see them……run your ass off and don’t look back. This scarred me quite a bit and I’ll have a hard time trusting again. I just served her purpose until even that wasn;t enough. She has destroyed so many lives.

By: Rizwana

Rizwana — Fri, 17 Nov 2017 17:28:05 +0000

Hi Zari, I have just read the briefing of your ‘When Love Is a Lie’ book and I felt it all applied to me and my current situation. I have just come out of well when I say come out I mean I’m still very much being emotionally, mentally challenged by my ex. We were in a 16year relationship, we have two children together aged 11 and 8. He was my first love I met him when I was 16 I am now 32 and may be for the most of our relationship he continually cheated on me with different women. We split this May but during this time we were still doing family and couple things together i,e going out for meals, cinema and the family things, we also continued to sleep with one another and I will say our sex life was great well I thought he was great, I on the other hand I become very frigid over time from all the cheating he did, I lacked self confidence and felt very unattractive and always thought this was why he continued messing around with other women. I recently found out in October that he is living a seeing a 24 girl from his work place, so all this time he has been sleeping with her, living with her whilst pursuing me. He plays us both of each other. It’s like he doesn’t want me but he wants no one else to have me whilst he tells me he loves this other girl. She now is so infatuated with him she believes everything he says and she has to constantly remind me that he loves her, doesn’t want to leave her, she’s the best thing that has ever happened to him and my actions are because I can’t deal with the fact that he has moved on with someone else. She is also not fazed by his actions for example she doesn’t care if he has slept with me and her a day apart because her answer is that he loves her and I’m a slag and I can’t get over him and I need to let it go. I would be lying if I said this was not true of cause I love him we have a family together, but I wouldn’t say I’m in love with him.
This is just a brief of my story but I would love to get some guidance from you as I do feel very alone and no one really quite understands how bad this situation has become. I just want to be the best for my children that’s all and for him to drop me out of this weird love triangle as I feel it’s slowly killing me.

I look forward to hearing from you