sorry for the miss spelled words !!! its hard to talk about it because she was that one special person that everyone has in there head and she told that also with my heart and destoryed me .she knew my wife had just passed and raising a daughter on my own…

Hi Doreen,

I hope you enjoy the book:) I know it will give you plenty of validation…let me know what you think and/or leave a review on Amazon. I’d love to hear your thoughts….

Zari xo

Exactly! Silence Appreciation! It’s all about the perspective….

Hi GayeLynn,

Well, it certainly sucks that your sister has to behave this way! My thinking is that she should be grateful that you are employing her and thinking twice before treating you with such disrespect. However, as we know, narcissists don’t care about things like that. They DO know right from wrong, they just don’t give a shit! Sad but true.

Look, since you have no idea, I assume, WHY she is giving you the silent treatment, you might want to come right out and ask her. Why let her get away with it? Everything they do is about what they can get away with and they will play this game until the end of time if we allow it. What we allow will continue. Why don’t you break the silence by asking her if she would like to find another job since it appears that she is so unhappy at the one she’s got! After all, you ARE the boss and I’m sure that there is someone out there who would be happy to clean houses with you and talk all day long. Truth be told, sister, you DON’T have to tolerate it at all. Over the years, she has pretty much trained you to allow it and to suffer through it and it really is ridiculous. Two women – never mind two sisters – cleaning houses together should be chatting all day long having a grand old time as they work if they can. Even if she needs the job and you would feel guilty letting her go, it should be brought up. Hell…if you’re going to be subjected to silent treatments at work every day all day, you might as well – at least temporarily – work alone!!!

That’s my take on it. Enough is enough. Narcissists are so rude and mean and female narcs are the worst. Stand up for yourself as both her employer and her sister. If she gets an attitude, tell her she can go home for the day to think about whether she really needs/wants to be working with you side by side since she apparently doesn’t like your company and her “silence” is making you more and more uncomfortable. Tell her you will write her a reference if she needs it and say it with a smile. Tell her it’s your business and 15 years of this silence and misery from your own sister is about enough. Watch how fast the silence ends! If she stomps out, don’t fret about it. Simply put up an ad or two for a helper and you’ll be all set in no time. In the meantime, hustle if you can to do the work yourself and keep ALL the money!

I’m so sick of narcs I could scream! Let me know what you do…I’ll be curious to know:)

Zari xo

Hi GayeLynn,

I’m sorry it is taking me so long to respond, girl. Between emails and these comments it sometimes takes me while. I’m just getting to all and will be posting my reply:)

xo

Before I re-type the whole message, just wondering if you got it?
If so, I don’t see it posted.(?)
(It was about working alone with my sister and how to deal with her silent treatment.)
I saw that when I posted it, it said it was waiting for approval.
That was 2 days ago.
Thanks!

I need help with HER~
Scenerio~I own a residential cleaning business and my only employee is my sister, the narcissist.
This is not a new thing as she has been pulling it for the 15 years I have employed her.
I just thought she was a sad and miserable c*^t, which she IS but it wasn’t until I dated a sociopath, that I realized and named what it is she is doing.
Again, this is not a new form of torture she is making me deal with but it is lasting much longer.
Maybe because I know what she’s doing and I don’t try to break the deafening silence anymore with words. (?)
(I just turn the radio up as loud as it can go.)

My question is~
Do I even TRY to break the silence anymore?
Better question yet I hope someone can answer is~
When she breaks the silence, which she usually does on the last day of work with 4 or 5 minutes left, do I even ALLOW her to?
This is just the hardest thing for me to deal with as I live alone and my only conversationalist I have is my poor 18-year-old kitty and he’s getting tired of me.
I am and always have been a very chatty person so to have no one to talk to at home and then to have no one to talk to in OTHER people’s homes, 🙂 is making my usually happy demeanor, quite sour and possibly depressed.
What makes all of this even HARDER is that she is my SISTER!!!

I know this article/blog entry is old but I see that someone actually commented in 2017 and I hope and pray that someone comments again.
I really need some advice!!
(And I thought the silent treatments from my sociopath boyfriends of 5.5 years were hard….)
🙁

Hi Cheryl,

Thank you for sharing and for reading my book. It is but just a small consolation to find others that understand but it’s a first step toward recovery. And we both know that unless a person has experienced this type of weirdness in a relationship, they will never understand the depth of the betrayal.

Look, it’s not abnormal to believe the words of someone you care about. As humans, we’re not supposed to assume that everything that comes out of somebody’s mouth is a lie. That being true, how were any of us supposed to really know? Sure, there are those who would have picked up on the first red flag but I assure you that that is NOT the norm. We are the norm….you and I…all of us here…WE are the norm. And the narcissist – he will NEVER be normal and that is why we have to stay away. Do not doubt yourself, girlfriend. Your intuition from this relationship forward will be sharp, I promise you.

Stay strong and write anytime! And I’d love it if you’d leave a review for the book. It’s a great way to get the message out to others who are searching around for support:)

Zari xo

I have been dealing with this for almost 4 years. I am definitely messed up emotionally. He is obviously quite fond of silent treatments. The first one came about 4 months into the “relationship” and lasted about a month. The most recent has been just over 4 months. The longest ever.

I finally stopped contacting him about 3 weeks ago. I am completely devastated. Won’t give the whole story. But about 3 weeks ago he made a post on facebook introducing the world to his wife of over 20 years. He had told me all along he was divorcing her. He moved to the other side of the country from her and his children over 2 years ago. But he is still married and now openly sourcing off her which is something I never saw in over 6 years of being friends before we became involved. Of course, I heard from a friend, as he blocked me on facebook.

I told him several months ago that I couldn’t do it anymore. That he didn’t love me and I didn’t want to be alone forever. He disappeared and hasn’t said a word since. But mine is especially confusing as he usually flips a switch and disappears. There typically hasn’t been any fight or occurrence.

And he never devalued me to my face. In fact, never said anything negative or bad about me. Always said I was the kindest person he ever knew. That I proved more than anyone ever how much I loved him. He didn’t openly blamed me for anything or say he didn’t want me. Only once a long time ago, he said he didn’t love me. But he was back the next day like it never happened.

So, I’ve been in counseling for almost a year. And almost three weeks of no contact. It is hard. Very hard. I am still so shocked and don’t want to believe it. But I’m sure you know how I’m feeling. Like nothing I thought was true for the past 3 years was. I doubt myself I doubt my choices. I don’t trust myself. I am terrified of letting anyone get close to me.

But it’s a start. Thank you for your book and the site. It is a small consolation at this point to hear that someone out there might understand….and not think I am crazy.