Hi J9,

Mine would look me straight in the eye and say, “Trust me. Come on, I love you so much” and then he’d walk out the door and drive to his girlfriend’s house. It’s all about what they can get away with, sister. Block him. You are not alone at all. I’m also available to speak with if you need me. Recovery(in these cases), as I always say, is a team effort.

Stay strong,

Zari xo

Hi Morgan,

OMG…I read your post with a big fat anxious knot in my stomach as if I was THERE in that house pounding on that door myself!! Girl, you could have been me. My ex pulled the same bullshit. He would “go dark” for days, then weeks, then every October through Jan 3rd, just enough to miss all the holidays. I was crazed but somehow always took him back because I never caught him red-handed UNTIL one time when he happened to answer the phone with the speaker on and a woman was screaming hysterically that he had just walked out and why?? He had been gone two weeks and reappeared without an excuse, saying he’d been at his dads, blah blah. It’s all the same girl. I would find his car at strange places or his car would be at his home but he wouldn’t answer…it went on and on for 13-years. He always had an illogical excuse…a ridiculous story that made no sense at all but he just had to throw it out there. THESE GUYS ARE PIECES OF SHIT. All of this…all of his stringing you along…is just to be sure that you are always in his queue. Everything, every day, is all about what they can get away with. He will keep this woman in the queue as well. It gives these creatures a thrill to cause chaos and pain and suffering. At the same time that they say they hate the drama, they CREATE IT AND LOVE IT.

I am going to send you a copy of my book When Love Is a Lie in PDF…I know that you will see yourself on every page. It will help you understand what is happening and why this douchebag does what he does and how he can never ever be fixed (nor does he care to be). Look for it in your email and I will send to the email that you used to post here.

I’m here to support you! Wow…what a story.

Zari xo

Hi Wattson,

I’m very grateful for your willingness to change and I have much hope for you. Be careful not to label yourself or to allow others to label you. As I said, I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt here based on what you’ve shared. While I don’t necessarily believe you’re a full-blown narc (for the simple reason that you feel so bad about what you’ve done), I do think that there are obvious issues. We simply can’t go around hurting the people that love us. All you can do is try to the the core of the problem and try harder to do better next time.

Thanks for checking back…Good luck to you…

Zari

Hi Wattson,

Thank you for writing and I’m curious to know how you happened to find her post about the cruise. LOL I’d also like to know if you’ve apologized to her in person…I hope so. You know, since you’ve written, I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that the fact that you feel any type of remorse and guilt (if it’s real) leans toward the possibility that perhaps you are less of a narcissist and more a guy who makes some very bad mistakes. Only your wife would truly know the answer to that. All I know is that her post struck a chord with me because I know that horrible feeling well of chasing after someone I loved…of being ignored for no reason or at least no GOOD reason…and it doesn’t feel good. In fact, it’s the worst feeling in the world…it’s so hurtful I can’t even describe it. Narcissists do it all the time but they simply don’t care. They, in fact, like it when we chase and beg and look anxious and pitiful. I hope you are truly sorry and, if so, there is hope for you.

As I try to explain to people, although there’s a very fine line between a person (man or woman) who’s just a jerk and a person who’s a narcissist, the fact is that the line is there. In other words, every narcissist is a jerk but not every jerk is a narcissist. I can’t give you a pass based on one post but my hope is that you actually feel remorseful and will not do that again. Nobody expects perfection from another person in this life but there are things that are just too hurtful to ever be acceptable.

I hope you’ve done the right thing…..

Zari

Hi Budinger Cats…..ahhhhh….this is a cruise that thousands have been on with the very same new husband. It’s a sad story that puts anxiety in my stomach just reading it. A book could be written on narcissism from a diary of the days on that cruise trip alone, right? In fact, take out “the cruise” as the location and add any place at all…another vacation venue, a holiday, the wedding itself, you name it…..the same behaviors repeat everywhere.
Yikes! Thanks for sharing…..

Zari xo

A man and woman are newly married and venture off to their honeymoon cruise. The husband had been on a cruise before so the wife is thankful to have someone with experience to “show her the ropes” and a good time. Husband had made all of the plans so wife was so thankful for this gift. The wife has long dreamed of taking a cruise by researching online. She had seen beautiful images of nicely appointed rooms with queen sized beds and sliding glass doors leading to a small balcony. The rooms seemed very much like those in a 4 star hotel in which she has had the luxury of experiencing a few times in her life. She had also seen the movie Titanic a number of times but was unaware that any thoughts of that movie were anywhere in her subconscious. She harbored only happy thoughts of new love, basking in the Mexican sun and having a great time with her husband.
The couple has to drive a long way to get to the cruise ship port. When they are finally in the parking structure and on their way, they both seemed happy and loving. Ahhh new love! Once in the doors to the cruise terminal they wait patiently through the long and winding line that feels like an extended version of a Disney ride line. There is no food or drinks here except what is in the junk food machine so the wife drinks a bottle of water during the hour and a half wait. It has now been hours since breakfast. “No big deal,” she thinks to herself there will be all the food and beverages –“ to my heart’s desire”- as the wife was under the impression that a cruise was “all inclusive” like the honeymoon resort where her sister and brother in-law had honeymooned.
Once finally on the ship the husband and wife descended numerous flights of stairs, further and further, down into the belly of the ship. Possibly 3-4 decks below they walk and by the time husband and wife arrived at their cabin the wife is tired, hungry, thirsty and feeling a little Closter phobic and possibly fearful, though she did not know this at the time. The fear was hidden from her conscious mind but she did feel out of sorts due to the discomfort of hunger and thirst. When husband opened the cabin door and the wife walked in she was disappointed that there were two twin beds and only a porthole as a window. The room was very small and the wife said, “what, I think we have the wrong room, that’s two twin beds!” The wife was ready to go talk to someone about the mix-up when she reached for the liter bottle of water on the dressing table. “Wait, that will probably cost ten bucks,” the husband says sarcastically, just before the wife twists off the top. “Oh, she says a bit sheepishly,” and puts it back on the dresser. Confused not only by the possible cost but also the kind of shocked feeling by the way husband had scolded her about the water. It is then that the cruise veteran husband explained how the card key worked as a kind of “tab” for anything not eaten or drank from the dining rooms on the ship especially bottled water and alcoholic beverages. They would pay the tab at the end of the cruise. As the husband is showing her that the twin beds slide together to form a queen bed, “see, no problem,” the wife complains that she is hungry and thirsty.
At this time the husband turns on his heels, exits the room with no further explanation, door closing behind him. The wife is a bit confused and starts to follow him. He is already a ways down the hallway when she closes the cabin door behind her and checks that she has a room key. By the time she thinks that something must REALLY be wrong here she almost runs to catch up to him. Husband climbs all of those switchback stairs, up and up he goes with the wife trailing behind begging him to acknowledge her. “What is wrong, what is happening here,” she says, “talk to me please, I don’t understand. Please just stop walking and talk to me.” On and on it goes. Up to the very top deck that circles the back half of the ship. The wind is blowing and people are standing at the railings looking out at the world. To everyone else, life was going on as normal as they were setting off on a voyage. A wattson They seemed happy and excited. The wife did not care or even think that others would see her and hear her desperate pleas for her husband’s response. The ship is not yet underway, but it would be soon. The wife is confused and scared. The husband continues to ignore her pleas for connection and explanation.
Once down the staircase on the other side of the top deck the husband finds a fast food area with hotdogs and chicken strips, budinger He grabs a tray and gets some food. There is still no verbal response from husband. The wife follows him and eats something that she is allergic to as that is all there is until the dining rooms open a few hours later. There was still no connection. Husband appears angry and aloof. The wife is hurt and confused. All that is offered is small talk about the food. No apology, no explanation, not even an acknowledgment that what had just happened was even real. Wife was lost in anxiety and discomfort about what had just transpired. Husband seemed completely unaware. Later that night as the small talk transitioned to self-conscious conversation the incident seemed “all but forgotten.” Wife wondered if it had even happened at all.