Yes, I certainly do….http://www.thenarcissisticpersonality.com/male-victims-of-narcissism/

So I think he is going to call me this morning, but instead I get a text about how he is not coming next month, and how he has talked to his ex about giving their relationship another shot! He just told me how he was going to come be with me 2 days ago, how can everything change in 2 days? He has done this multiple times. He will move with me and then after a few months, because I am not acting right and I am pushing him away”, he will go back to her. he even got me to move to another state, where he is now living with her, he moved in with me and left her again. But after months of feeling like he was seeing her on the side, I left and came back home. He was so upset he drove all the way from Colorado to Texas to get me back and I said no. So he drives back and moves back in with her, but continues to call me and say they are not together just living together for the kids. That he wants to be with me. And throughout this entire past year, he proceeds to make promises to be with me and leave her, he comes to see me and then turns around and gets angry with me about something (most of them time I don’t understand what), and then says it wont work and he is staying with her. This time was the worse. Every other time he just said it would not work, and we were over, but this time he said He asked her to try again in their relationship. I guess to make sure I got the message that he doesn’t want me anymore.

I just don’t understand why I kept going back to him, or even why she does. He treats me so badly. He makes me feel like I am the love of his life. He has even said that, “that he has never really loved anyone until me.” And I actually believed him. I actually left my marriage for him. Now he has everything with her, and my life is in shambles. I hate the most that he didn’t even have the decency to call me and tell me, he texted! who does that? He said it would be to hard right now to talk to me. I don’t know how to cope with this anymore, I can’t keep doing this, I feel so depressed, I don’t even understand who I am anymore. Sometimes I think I will never love or be loved by anyone else again. I just don’t know what to do anymore

Penny

Hi Knight,

Okay…wait now…I got your first post and responded but THIS one gave me way more insight into your situation. I think I see what is happening here. My friend, you need to find a way to move out of there. I actually feel that on your last “heart to heart”, your mom was completely honest and it’s time for you to move on. The result, I’m thinking, would be surprising and I’ll explain this in a minute. You have stayed in that house for all the wrong reasons and it, if anything, as pushed her further away (as it would do with any narcissist!). Unfortunately, the more we want them, the more they don’t want us. You stayed both to punish her for being such a bad mom all those years and also in hopes that she would suddenly snap out of it and give you what you wanted but the truth is that you can’t do/have both. Do you understand that? I am so glad that you reiterated your conversation because I get it now. Look, narcissists know right from wrong, they just don’t give a shit and that’s the bottom line but I see something different here. If your mom was, say, your girlfriend, she would have kicked you out ages ago no matter how bad you felt and she would have screamed the words “I never loved you” as the door shut just to dig the knife in. By the conversation, Your mom KNOWS you are there to punish her, to be her daily conscience, to remind her everyday what a bad mother she’s been yet she apparently hasn’t booted you to the curb and locked the door. Why do you think that is? You’d think she would have done that given the fact that even a “normal” mother isn’t under any technical obligation to shelter a 27 year old son – let alone one who so obviously HATES her – under her own roof. Do you get that? Think about this.

If what you really want in this life is a “relationship” with your mom, you have got to leave that house. I honestly feel that THIS is what she is trying to tell you. It’s time to start your own life. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that she could EVER be the mother that you imagine in your mind but My God, this situation is obviously not working and, therefore, you have nothing to lose by changing it up. I’d be willing to bet that if you suddenly got your shit together and moved out, there would be a change, however small, in how she behaves as your mother. In fact, I guarantee it. There’s something about the fact that she allows you to stay there even though she knows you hate her and that much of this is about punishment that makes me think putting space between her and you may just change this around to a point where you might actually get some resolve. At the very least, it would allow you to move on. I’m sorry but you moving out is only a win-win and you’ve got to do it. In fact, I’ll even go so far as to say that if you continue to stay there indefinitely, I’d have to start shifting the blame to your end because MOVING OUT is the ONLY WAY that your relationship with her would change FOR THE BETTER.

Like I said in my first response, you can write me using the Contact Me page and I’ll gladly talk via email. I want you to understand what I’m saying because, based on what you’ve shared, I’d be willing to bet money on my theory.

Zari:)

I hated her. I hated her for taking away my family and friends. I hated her for taking away my only means of coping (the internet) with all the bullshit that was happening to me. I hated her for not loving me. I hated her for always yelling at me and having no compassion or understanding for my problems. I hated her for not comforting me when I was sad/scared/broken. I FUCKING HATE HER. But I wanted my fucking revenge. I wanted what she owed me. I wanted a mother. And so instead of leaving I stayed. I tried to get back the loving mother I thought I had. I thought she was mad at me. I thought I had hurt her. I apologized. I tried to make amends. The more I tried the more she hurt me.

She never really gave 2 shits about me until I started caring about having a relationship with her (bad idea, I know). She went from complete indifference to absolute pure hate, back to complete indifference. It took me to the verge of suicide. I reached out for help to my “family” but no one gave a fuck. I could have told them I have cancer and they would have been like “I’m sorry for your loss”. My “family” is rich btw and definitely has the money to help me move out from an abusive situation. But they just don’t care. Or even worse, they probably have already been poisoned by nmother’s lies. They probably think I am insane and I am the problem and have been told not to give me a single dime because I “just use people” or whatever insane shit nmother told them.

So yeah. I wanted closure and it nearly destroyed me. Actually. It did destroy me. But turns out you can be both completely destroyed and also still alive. Woo…. Anyway. I had a conversation with nmother recently in which she basically told me she will never give me what I’m looking for. She will never apologize. She doesn’t want to talk about the past. She doesn’t want to hear about my feelings. She doesn’t care. All my life she had been telling me this. But I just didn’t hear it clearly because it was hidden under the ” I LOVE YOU” and “I care about you”: and “I’m sorry, I know I hurt you, I’m going to change”. For the longest time, I really believe it was true. Really thought she did love me, she was just all kinds of fucked up and needed help. I tried to help her. To “fix” her. To get her to get help. But none of it worked. Because she doesn’t actually want to change. She never did. She would always say to me “well if you don’t like it you can leave”. Translation: “either you take the crumbs I give you or you can have nothing.” I didn’t want nothing. But I didn’t want crumbs either. I wanted better. I deserved better. But she made her position very clear. And not once in 27 years has she ever compromised. It has always been her and what she wants. And then what everyone else wants. And me last. Because fuck me.

In our most recent attempt at a “heart-to-heart” conversation, she told me: “So you’re saying you cannot live or move on with your life until you get from me what you are looking for? And if I don’t give it to you? You’re just going to fall apart again? I can’t give you what you’re looking for. You need to find a way to live with that.” So there it was. Like it had always been. Plain as can be. Clear as day. “I will never love you. I will never be the mother you want or need. Stop fucking bothering me about it and just go away already.”

…

And the worst part, she acts, and truly makes it seem, as if me needing or wanting anything at all from my “mother” is a terrible thing. Like how dare I. Like I shouldn’t. Like somehow that’s not normal. ????

Whatever.

Hi Donna,

I appreciate your moral conviction to marriage and you’re obviously a very compassionate person…. But girl, 31 years is far too long to suffer at the hands of ANYONE with a narcissistic personality. Why do you mention the moral conviction but then say “yet I desire to be loved” as if one should be despite the other? YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED. If this man hasn’t made you feel loved by now, he will never do it. I don’t personally care WHY he is what he is. HE IS A GROWN MAN. Make no mistake about it, narcissists KNOW RIGHT FROM WRONG. They just don’t give a shit. You are fighting a losing battle. Compassion is fine if you are extending it to someone who knows they need help. Narcissists don’t think they have done anything wrong and therefore can NOT be fixed with love, therapy, or any magic pill. I lost my sympathy for the childhood problems of narcs long ago. He obviously doesn’t care that you suffer and you can’t make the rest of your life about HIS because the truth is that he doesn’t suffer. He will go to his grave thinking YOU were the problem so why try to fix that?

Now, having said all that, there have been times where I have spoken on the phone with clients only to tell them at the end that, although this person may be a jerk, he/she probably isn’t a narcissist. It hasn’t happened often but once in a while it will. The truth is that by the time people find their way to me or my website, it’s pretty clear they know already who and what they’ve been dealing with. If you’d like to talk about it at length where you can fill me in the details, please book some time with me to do that. I’d be happy to help:)

Zari xo

Hi Rosie,

I’m grateful that you found your way to my blog when you did! Nope, it’s not your fault and there’s an entire community here that would be more than happy to confirm that for you. Stick with No Contact and it will keep you flying like a free bird. Life is too short for this bullshit and we have no more time to waste:)

Stay strong, my sister!

Zari xo

Hi Kay,

I can’t help you if I don’t know the story. No one is too old to start over (even though God knows we are all feeling that way) and you are NEVER better off dead. You can write me here with your story or you can book a consultation so we can talk but please tell more so I know how to guide you. I’m here to support you….

Zari:)

Hi Layla,

Always glad to help. If you can, check out my book When Love Is a Lie. It’s a cheap and easy to read download from Amazon and – oh boy – it will resonate. You might as well erase my name off the cover and add yours to it. Mine would come and go – seduce and discard – until it almost wrecked me. Believe me, it was never you.

Stay strong!

Zari xo