Comments on: Narcissists & The Baffling Break-Up: Q & A (Part 1)

By: Zoie

Zoie — Tue, 15 Jan 2019 03:35:52 +0000

Narc I dated for 5 years was a total narc to me. I would get devalued & discarded for whenever he hooked-up with a girl. I was the girlfriend, introduced to his ex-wife and kids. We lived on/off with each other. In August he left me for a woman 24 years younger than himself who has a young child. He is almost 58. She is also his assistant manager. This time is different. He is gone for good. He sent me a Christmas email from him and the family. She’s already included. He sent me a Happy New Year email saying they all stayed home. “All” must be her also. He lives with his 17 year old daughter. He has to be good to her considering she is his boss. And, being so much younger, he’s in the hot seat now, so he’ll never be bored. He left wife #1 for wife #2, rebound girl. He still loves wife #2. She can do no wrong. He did cheat on her in the marriage but he never left her for one of his flings like he did me. When she says jump, he jumps. If she takes him to court over custody, he blames me. I have never gone to court for him. She accused him of an incident and tried to put him in jail and he still wasn’t angry & said he deserved it. She left him via text and then divorced him. She remarried within a year. Since August he manipulated me for months saying I could see his kids only to say no or not responding at all. This month we met & he actually kept his word & let me see his kid. Other kid who lives with him now didn’t come. I guess this was goodbye. The child asked if I could go home with them 3 times & I didn’t know what to say, the narc just sat there, not saying anything. In the past when this happened the narc would say come home with us, I still love you or I miss you but not this time. It’s been a week and a half since I saw him. Do you think I will hear from him again? He is really a good man to his flings, as I asked one of them and she confirmed it. They just fade out of each others life. Does this new girl have staying power especially since she’s younger and his boss? Why is he a total narc with me and not others? Why does ex-wife have so much power? He can’t find fault with her. He finds plenty of fault with me.

By: Christine

Christine — Fri, 30 Nov 2018 23:53:54 +0000

If there is just one piece of feedback I’d give to the survivors out there (as a survivor myself), it’s to know this–there is NOTHING you could have done to prevent the devaluation, in response to #1. It has NOTHING to do with you. The narcissist has a disordered way of thinking and acting that is embedded in them. The narcissist would do this with ANYONE. It’s the same script every time–just a change of players once in a while. So please, do yourselves a favor and, after a certain point, stop going through the mental gymnastics of what you “could” have done differently to prevent all this–the answer is nothing.

I love the response to #9, what does that matter? Why give the narcissist that much credit, that their opinion has any weight at all? Believe me that if and when you move on to love someone else (as I did), your world will no longer be centered on the narcissist and it becomes redirected towards the new, better partner (as it should). I doubt the narcissist knows that I moved on and married someone else, after I did no contact. But even if he somehow did get wind of it, I don’t give a flying f— what he’d think of me or my husband. The life we’ve built together has nothing to do with him.

Take care of yourselves out there!

By: cuckoo4cocopuffs

cuckoo4cocopuffs — Fri, 23 Nov 2018 17:09:51 +0000

I’m recovered from a N employee who worked in my home on a daily basis. It is difficult to believe our hearts and minds could betray us and be taken in by a one-dimensional (only in the moment) personality. This N was obviously expert at mirroring you, your lifestyle and becoming what you desired – what you truly miss is your reflection in their eyes, as there could be nothing else with a N personality. The game was over, like Zari says, there will be no rhyme or reason. Go on an epic adventure, plan one with lots of travel, travel hosts and a schedule offering little time to think- only experience beauty and nature. I doubt this N will fit in your suitcase on your return flight. Then enjoy a 3-dimensional person, loving both their perfections and their flaws.