Comments on: “Stop Spinning, Start Breathing” – Narcissist Abuse Recovery Workbook

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Sat, 10 Dec 2016 00:52:28 +0000

Hi Annette,

I’m grateful that you have found comfort in my book. This type of recovery has got to be a team effort because anyone except those who have experienced it will “get it”. Block him so he can’t hoover or you will never have any peace. If you leave the avenues open for communication, you are setting yourself up to fail. Yes, they will always come back but it’s only to keep you in the queue and is that worth all the pain…to be in his queue? Of course not. Make everyday silence appreciation day and cut him off so that he can’t intercept your attempts at happiness whenever he feels the urge. Stay strong!

Zari xo

By: Annette Calandriello

Annette Calandriello — Wed, 07 Dec 2016 15:52:53 +0000

I just accidently lost my post to you. In a nutshell I am still processing your book.You have given me the gift of a lifetime.I guess some good can come from alot of pain.My N is currently hoovering.He always come back to me.Even though I haven’t had conntact with him for about 6 months, it’s lonely but I can’t let him in. I’m sure you know why.Today I’m a stronger more empowered woman and thank God less needy , so I can’thank you enough for the validation, it’s comforting to know my suspicions were right all along about my N I hope you can answer this post, Love and much Gratitude. Annette Calandriello

By: Sandra Merritt

Sandra Merritt — Wed, 20 Apr 2016 20:32:32 +0000

i am involved with a narcissit,he also has ocd traits too,he always want ‘oral’an we only have had sex once an that wasnt complete,im left feel sexual frustrated.im glad i found this site an have yet to go thru the abandoment part as he hasnt left ‘yet’but then he is also married.hes tried to cut me off from family,friends but i wasnt having it.i hope to learn more from reading this site,i dont not engage in different sexual partners an hadnt had sex with anyone in several yrs,to meet someonw like this has really taught me alot.i knew something wasnt right now i know,im slowly trying to move on before he thinks he can do me like that..

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Sat, 26 Sep 2015 22:46:51 +0000

In reply to Jessica Cotten.

Hi Jessica,

It’s difficult when you have a child with a narcissist but it’s not impossible. While you can’t control how the N behaves, you can and HAVE TO control how you react and the key is DETACHMENT and INDIFFERENCE. Keep all interactions to a minimum and limit all conversations to ten minutes. Don’t respond to nasty texts or engage in fights. The relationship is over and it’s not necessary. Everything your ex does is to get a rise out of you…to make YOU look like the problem. If you show no emotion NO MATTER WHAT HE SAYS OR HOW HE BEHAVES, you automatically take control. If you keep interactions to ten minutes, he won’t have time to rile you up (although he’ll try!).

In my book Narcissist Free, I have a lengthy chapter on co-parenting that will help. I’m not saying any of it is easy but you have to take control or he will torture you until the end of time. As for the children, all you can do is be the best mom possible, don’t talk shit about the N in front of them, refuse to engage in his bullshit around them, and go with the flow of it. Your children are more resilient than you know and, ultimately, they will know what’s up and who’s been there for them and who hasn’t. A narcissistic parent will ALWAYS dig their own parental grave if you just sit back and remain quiet. As you know, they can’t love their children any more than they can love their spouses.

Be free and be happy. You may have children with this creep but YOU are FREE of him. Focus on your NON-REACTION to everything and see how fast the tables turn in your favor:)

Zari xo

By: Jessica Cotten

Jessica Cotten — Sun, 13 Sep 2015 23:46:47 +0000

How does this work when you have a child with the narcissist? I’m scared for both my children, & what I’ve exposed them to. Also the toll its taken on me, & how that affects my children.