Hi Michael…Since I write from my own experience with a boyfriend and this is my blog, the use of “he” is prevalent. Most guys who visit here regularly are well aware that I feel the female narc is the worst of the worst. I do my best to use “he or she” when I can but to do it all the time doesn’t make for easy reading. Sorry for the misstep but it is not intentional.

NO ONE SHOULD BE MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR OWN HAPPINESS AND SELF-RESPECT! RUN!
Now I hope I follow my own advice… 🙁

Hi Claire,

I’m pretty sure you already know that he was up to no good on that trip and probably on 100 trips before that. No husband goes away leaving his wife and baby daughter alone for Xmas unless he is a narcissistic asshole. Mine did it every year for 13 years. Of course he cheated and if you have an infection of course he gave it to you. Something is very wrong and you need to save your life and the well-being of your baby. This isn’t worth saving and you need to value your own life. Read my book When Love Is a Lie to see how I did it. Make a decision that you will never regret and kick this creep to the curb….

Zari xo

My head is spinning. I love our daughter so much. Don’t know what to do.

Girl, I just responded to your other post..book some time and let’s take care of this:) You are not alone and I am here to support you…

Hi Mary,

Please read my articles about co-parenting. In the right or bottom (if mobile) sidebar, click the drop down menu for the article library and choose Co-parenting. The best way to look better than the talking shit narc is to say nothing and be the best mom you can be. Somewhere in life, they will understand what happened. My articles share my experience and should offer some comfort….

Zari:)

Hi Mary,

I am so sorry that this has happened to you. How awful! Only a narcissist would behave that way and FEEL ENTITLED TO DO IT. I do hope you are better now and beginning to pull away from this madness. If you get a chance, read my book When Love Is a Lie or book some talk time with me so we can work out a strategy for your escape. It’s all about changing your perspective about the relationship and what it is exactly that you are dealing with. There are so many things that just a flick of the mental switch changed for me once I “got it”. You can too and I’ll help in any way that I can….

Stay strong, sister! xoxo

I wish I could tell you how much you have helped me over the last few months. You have truly helped me to navigate a living nightmare and a terrible fog.
I became involved with Mr Wonderful a year ago and what began as an exciting whirlwind relationship has almost destroyed me. He has used every single ploy and tactic you describe. He even stonewalled me when I was pregnant after trying to manipulate me into a termination. On the day of the appointment he followed me all day, even sitting outside of my house from the early hours. When I didn’t go he ended our relationship, blocking my number and even hiding so that I couldn’t find him. When I miscarried he returned, right on cue; love bombing and hoovering in the extreme. The relationship was purely about control; he always tries to hoover me back and he played the most agonising mind games to keep me constantly on the brink.
I’m an intelligent woman but that made no difference to what he was able to do. I realise that all of the things that attracted him to me in the first place are what he went on to destroy. Your website has helped me to see that he is a textbook narcissist and now I realise that his actions are almost predictable…thanks to you. You are very brave and courageous and that has helped me to be brave and courageous too!
Mary

Yes, I am sure that HE is the reason for the ex’s crazy behavior…and he knows it. Now, you don’t go into the actual behaviors of this dude that prompted you to love calling him a little fucking bitch and cunt all the time so I’ll have to assume the details. Stay strong no matter what, sister! This is only the beginning….xo

Hi Shelia,

I’m sorry for the emotional hardship being brought upon your children and you’re a wonderful mom for wanting to fix it. However, do not say that therapists do not work without giving it the chance it deserves WITHOUT THE DAD PRESENT. Why on earth does he attend the therapy sessions? This needs to stop immediately. If he doesn’t understand or like this, so what? And if the therapist doesn’t see this group counseling thing as NON-THERAPUTIC, then you need to find them another therapist. If, as you say, the children are “suffering very serious effects like missing school, physical symptoms and emotional despair”, something very horrible is happening here. Call the therapist on your own and express your concern. If you don’t want to come right out and blame the narc, simply explain that it is your observation (and the school’s) that the children are having very serious, possible long-term side affects and they can’t possibly feel comfortable telling their side with their father (or either parent) sitting right there! This is SO not fair to the children. What is the purpose of the therapy with the dad sitting there supervising???

I believe that the best idea anyone could suggest to you as to how you can help your children is that you must stand up for them! I hear you that “you are done playing” with this creep but that has to also include the kids as well. You can’t allow his behaviors or, at the very least, you must ask the kids questions as to their feelings and try to offset his emotional abuse. There is no easy fix, girl, but it has to start with YOU and trying to get these kids the counseling they deserve ON THEIR OWN. With the right therapist, therapy for your children certainly CAN work but HE has GOT to go.

Who has custody here and how is visitation set up? I wish I knew more information. If it’s possible for you, I do provide phone consultation support and would be happy to work with you on this. You have to take a stand or this will go from bad to worse. If we face our fears, they do usually fall away of their own weight – even with narcs. Your children only have YOU and you simply have to come through….

Zari xo

Mace wrote…I believe you’re right, these men really think they’re simple people, all they want to do is totally destroy, manipulate and control the people that love them into insanity. Its that simple to them! Not so simple for a “normal” person.

You got it! Like one of my girlfriends said years ago when I told her my narcissist said that: Yeah right, simple like a Rubix Cube!

Hi, I wanted to reply to and see if I could directly respond to Tina as we have some similarities. My name too, is Tina and have been married 30 yrs, 31 if you count last year Jan.2016, I filed for divorce. I only came to the realization in ’15 of his covert narcissism and have been trying to wrap my head around it all, as it involves money (his #1 love), hidden accts, infdelity, trust $$$$ that he never told me about (albeit separate property) no retirement/Ira, or me beneficiary of anything in any policies; Life, Ins. beneficiary of estate in case of death (and he had a HA in 2013) Tons more revelations of affairs and I had NO idea! I’m not a naiive person and am skeptical of most and although he had strange personality deficits for years , TRULY thought this person’s character trustworthy and honorable. After realizing all this in last 2 yrs, I was blind-sided and never would have bet in a million years he was capable of this deception and pathological lying. Over a yr later, and I’m still having much turmoil and pain over it. Since he’s fighting through courts to pay me enough Alimony, it’s been going on over a yr and getting SO exhausted mentally and physically, but mostly becoming monetarily now since Ive spent more than half of my inheritance, $15k and case is still in DISCOVERY phase since “ex” filed for a protective order, even though he never fulfilled his fiduciary duties for most of our married years. He has always been a self-employed contractor, so it’s almost impossible to prove other $$. Was hoping that I could comment directly to Tina in case she had some tips, suggestions based on her own experiences.

Thanks, Tina

Hi Tina,

30 years is a horribly long time to suffer. I just sent you an email with a gift to the email address you used to submit your post. I sent it from my Yahoo email so if you don’t see it, check your SPAM folder. Gmail will do that to Yahoo emails sometimes. God Bless you too, my sister:)

Zari xo