Comments on: How to Deal With a Narcissist – 3 Easy Steps

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Tue, 18 Feb 2020 23:52:04 +0000

In reply to Zen Jen. No, he could be spewing some word garbage at any time, saying something that is completely untrue and it would work just fine. No confrontation needed.

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Fri, 26 Jul 2019 08:18:44 +0000

In reply to debbie burnett. Hi Debbie, Thank you so much for the kind words. I have the book Stop Spinning, Start Breathing on Amazon and Narcissism in A Nutshell which would help. I wish you the best, sister! Stay strong and keep your eye on the prize. Everyone deserves to be happy and we only get to live this short life one time....xoxo

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Fri, 26 Jul 2019 08:07:00 +0000

In reply to Laura.

Hi Laura,

To that response, I would have said, “Nope, truth is truth. You know it and I know it.” Because he DOES know it! And that’s that.

By: Laura

Laura — Mon, 08 Jul 2019 16:44:00 +0000

I said the: “I know the truth and so do you” phrase to my recent ex narc… and his response was “Your truth is different than my truth” All this after the repeated blaming me for his miserable life when in truth, he has caused all his problems. Do I just leave it at that? I am so exhausted from his trickery.

By: Zen Jen

Zen Jen — Wed, 12 Jun 2019 15:42:59 +0000

Don’t we have to be in an argument in the first place, to use that phrase, “I know the truth and so do you”?
Confronting them with something?

By: debbie burnett

debbie burnett — Tue, 28 May 2019 18:09:56 +0000

Zari i have been listening to your audible book “when love is a lie” and just love love it.
I have being with my “n” for 11 months now.
He has given me the nc for the longest time 1 week.
I usually do it back to him also.
I have broken up with him 4 times but keep letting him back in my life. the longest i have gone nc is 3 weeks, then the feeling sorry for myself texts started to arrive and the voice mails started. once i let him back i cant seem get him out again.
i feel bad just to go nc although i can think of many reasons to do so but my heart just won’t let me. I am going to counselling to get stronger but i truly feel that i love this man. he is not unemployed and probably going to be staying with many different supplies he has. he keeps coming back to me i guess he knows i am weak. He isnt verbally abusive to me but he has a terrible temper and does not want to talk about our relationship. he does say he is sorry and does apologize and even made the bed this morning….probably trying to make a good impression.
I have seen texts from a women whom he claims is a very old and good friend but i am not so sure. WOW i am not even sure if he is an asshole or a narcissist. He has the traits of both.
Anyway i wanted to let you know how much your book has helped me out. you are a wonderful strong woman.
which other of your books would you recommend i read next.
bye for now
cdb

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Sat, 04 May 2019 07:46:27 +0000

In reply to Trinn.

Hi Trinn.

lololol….Yeah, without a doubt, there will be a line of narcs at the pearly gates FULLY EXPECTING to get in. It IS a mind-boggling phenomena, isn’t it?? That false sense of entitlement is something else! lol For once, the joke will be on them:) Thanks for stopping by today and making me smile…

Zari:)

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Sat, 04 May 2019 07:43:35 +0000

In reply to Tarina.

Hi Tarina,

Just so you know, I receive soooooo many calls from women whose narc was in law enforcement. Cops, overall, have to be narcissistic – I even feel that it is LOOKED FOR on the psyche eval as a POSITIVE thing. So, your story does not surprise me. You don’t have to change your number…not yet. He would be stupid to start stalking you so hopefully he will move along on his way and you can live in peace.

Zari:)

By: Tarina

Tarina — Sat, 13 Apr 2019 20:37:10 +0000

Hello and good afternoon. I recently started dating this cop, of all people, he would ghost me or give me the silent treatment from day one. I did the explanation thing over and over and tried to figure out if it was me that was broken. But about three weeks ago, we had a blow out. He said, haha and I laugh now, that he is overly frustrated with me and the vibe has changed. Then said goodbye. This man said his fist and last name over and over on every call for 5.5 months. After he hung up on me,I sent many text telling him what a piece of shot he is, and went as far as telling him the sex actually sucked because he couldn’t ever keep it up in order to please me. Then he asked me, after I said my new by for the last month has been keeping me very satisfied, he says well if you have already been seeing someone else, why have you continues to contract me? My last text got no response, I told him because I wanted the chance to tell him what I really thought of him. I said you used me, you lied to me, and then justified how you treated me. I even went on to say, your wife left you and took her money and social status with her because she couldn’t stand you anymore, your jokes are stupid and people are really laughing at you not with you. Lastly I said, women like me who treat their men like kings deserve kings not toadstools. It’s been almost three weeks now. Is this typical will he try to reach out to me again? I still have anxiety and sometimes feel bad for what I said and wish I could apologize. If he will call me or text me again I want to change my number, I just don’t want to if I don’t have to, it’s been my number for years the process yo change it and let everyone know would be astronomical. Any advice is very much appreciated, and also thank you for the books and blogs, until these things I thought I was !messed up. So thank you, thank you thank you!!!!

By: Trinn

Trinn — Sun, 31 Mar 2019 15:07:36 +0000

Glad you used the word “repent,” Zari.
My covert narc ex-wife apparently thinks she’s going to be the first and only person admitted into Heaven without having to ever repent of sin. It’s breathtaking. She’s got all the Churchianity stuff down pat. She’s a church-aholic now.
But repent? Nah. That’s for other, lesser people.

By: Shilla

Shilla — Thu, 07 Mar 2019 21:49:41 +0000

Hi, I am glad I was able to read this. I think that I am in this situation too. I have tried for years to understand but every time he just pushed me away. Knowing I can never leave him. I love him so much and tried to understand his behavior since I understand where his hurts and pains in the past is coming from. But, every time he has to deal with himself he is actually hurting me and pushing me away as if I am just nothing and not important to him. We have a huge age gap he is older and me of a much younger age. We have a different culture as well and came from a different country. Almost from East to West love story. I grow up with a single parent and with grand parents but in a loving and happy family. I never lack love and attention since they have given me every thing I need since childhood because of what happened to my mom. We are not rich nor poor but they were able to send me in one of the best Universities in the a big City. I married young at the age of 23, 4 years after I graduated college and was separated eventually for almost 5 years now from my ex husband. he already has his own family too. Though we are not officially annulled as we don’t have divorced here but we have our own lives now and are just civil for our only child which happens to lived with his parents. My grandparents are both dead and so is my mom. Basically I am living alone with my friends in a house we rented with each four of us having our own rooms. I have a very good relationship with my daughter which is 11 years old with constant communication and visitation rights.
I met Him when I was separated for a year or so, after that we develop a romantic relationship. I am actually attracted to a much older and matured guy because I find them responsible enough and mature to handle relationship. My ex husband was almost 10 years older than me and not he is more than 30 years older than me.
To cut the long story short we have know each other for 3 years and 8 months now. Then all of a sudden he just ended it all like I really don’t know what I did or have done. He frequently visits me here in my country every 2-3 times a year. And every time we had this simple argument it seems always that it is my fault. He enjoyed annoying me and making me feel bad about myself. I am not perfect, I have my flaws too, but I know myself I have this very huge tolerance of patient and understanding. Now, I really don’t we had this nice and loving relations when he was here last December. I have been loyal and faithful. He knows that. he knows my friends and my colleagues. I value trust as I know He has this “Trust Issues” before and I understand that. I know he has plans to come back by Feb. this year the last conversation we had I thought in his email that he is not coming but then suddenly without telling me. He came back. good thing I have his local number here in my country. Then just all of a sudden when I met him the day after he arrived he just ended it all. But, before that a month earlier he has been avoiding me and stop talking and blocking me off. I really don’t know what to do, I tried everything. Calling him. Going to the hotel waiting for hours and hours. I am absent from my work just to give time to talk to him and all but still he refuses to talk to me and see me. The last time we talk he can’t even see me straight eye to eye. I felt really something is wrong. But, I am so concern of him. For his health and his safety being vulnerable because he has a back problem. My friends kept telling me to stop because they felt hurt seeing me begging and chasing but I am just so concern for him. I sense he is not telling me something or I don’t know it might be just on my mind. God know how much I loved him. Even with our age gap and the impression of some people that I am just after for what he can give. I don’t mind because those are not true. I have a very good and well paid job on one of the biggest company in the world. I don’t need his money or so. If I want to I can get a much better guy but my hearts felt for him. I just can’t. If I haven’t had this much faith I don’t know if I can go through each day without missing him. The sad part is the hotel where he stayed is just too blocks away from my home. Imagine he is already near yet can’t see him. It really hurts and its so sad.

By: William Mathieu

William Mathieu — Wed, 20 Feb 2019 02:52:34 +0000

Hello sweet women. It has been a little while since our last conversation. After reading your post it gave me a smile from ear to ear. I had been unjustly divorced by a narcissist last December and she has already started trying to get back into my life, which has been unsuccessful for her ( this is where my smile comes in ) because of the very same way I confronted her as you mentioned to your readers. I have always enjoyed truth, we can’t run away from it or even debate it. She knows now that I know, but even so, she still tries to hurt me. No problem any more! I have the truth and the truth set me free. For those of you that may read this, let this be known, that Zarri has a good grip on this character person and a big heart for those that have been brutalized by them. Taking this advise from her will set you free to. Thank you for your love Zarri. Your recovering neighbor William

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Fri, 15 Feb 2019 20:19:21 +0000

In reply to Monet McIntyre. Do it and let me know! The circular argument never ever works and this HALTS IT DEAD IN ITS TRACKS. You watch!

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Fri, 15 Feb 2019 19:54:25 +0000

In reply to Monet McIntyre.

Hi Monet (beautiful name!)….yes, try it. It takes practice but it’s foolproof. Be confident in the truth that you know, stop explaining (because he already knows what he has done!), and only respond with “I know the truth and so do you.” He may get mad and go silent or whatever his punishment may be but this only tells you that you are spot-on. All a narc wants to do is knock you out of the power position. Stay ahead of the game….xo

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Fri, 15 Feb 2019 19:51:53 +0000

In reply to Concerned empath. Hi Concerned empath, If you think you are in trouble, then YOU ARE. Your intuition is never wrong. The accusation that you are "freaking out" and punishment (the anger) is all a distraction to keep you quiet no matter what you think he is doing. Keep reading and you will see that this is typical behavior. Stay calm and plan an escape from the madness. A narcissist never changes. Blessings to you....xo

By: Concerned empath

Concerned empath — Tue, 12 Feb 2019 13:10:03 +0000

I think im in trouble. I haven’t been involved long but I have this bad feeling. He’s angry right now, he saidd that I was freaking out. He said he was done with me. I’m worried that help me back. I think I need to be done with the situation get some part of me wants it to be OK. I think I’m in trouble

By: Monet McIntyre

Monet McIntyre — Mon, 11 Feb 2019 14:21:20 +0000

Thank you .
Im going to put this advise into action ~ & see what happens

By: Monet McIntyre

Monet McIntyre — Mon, 11 Feb 2019 14:16:25 +0000

Excellent advice . Im going to implement that tactic today ~ & see the response I get from my husband / narcissistic psychopath.
This ought to be interesting . In tired of going round & round , arguing with him .

By: Zari Ballard

Zari Ballard — Fri, 01 Feb 2019 01:41:48 +0000

In reply to David.

Hi David,

YES, you got it! It’s all about “stream-lining”! I probably should have used that word because that’s exactly what I meant. The three steps I lay out are so you can keep your sanity by keeping it simply without giving up the truth. To simply say “I know the truth and so do you” is 1) the truth, and 2) SO MUCH EASIER on your head than having to explain and convince someone who could care less what you’re saying and loves to see you agitated. I’m so sorry you are still having to deal with this crap and at church to boot. Honestly, I don’t know if going through all that at church would be worth it. Be confident in the truth that you know, my friend! You deserve to be happy!

Zari xo

Zari

By: David

David — Tue, 29 Jan 2019 03:45:17 +0000

Thank you Zari. Your article explains much and has been an important confirmation to me. Engagement with CLA, my ex and her flying monkeys is still unavoidable at church and in court because they are not done yet…even 6 months later. Because of the rapidity of the horrendous discard, literally in one afternoon on church property, it has been hard with CLA. Recognizing that not only her father is covert but she as well, i still find myself struggling with whether he manipulated her or she him. Ultimately it really doesn’t matter. Just getting healthy does. At least I have a way to stream-line my response when future engagements occur. I do know the truth. That I never lost sight of. So its easy to just say. I know the truth and so do you. Thanks again! DM