When learning how to deal with a narcissist, there are really just three steps to follow that will get you to a position of power. As we know, when we’re involved with a narcissist, there is not always the opportunity to just walk away from the relationship…to break up with the narcissist. If we’re involved romantically, of course we know intellectually that we should leave the situation but our heart is powerful and often wins us over. This is why people stay for years with a personality disordered person. If we’re involved professionally and the situation is beneficial to us, obviously we’re not going to just up and walk away from it. If we have to co-parent with a narcissist, then we have no choice – we simply have to deal with it. Given these above situations, there’s only one thing we can do while staying in it so that we do not lose our sanity – and that is to MITIGATE the situation. It’s not easy but – oh yeah – it’s possible.
So here are three keys to remember when having to deal with a narcissist:
- Be confident in the truth that you know. Stop waiting for the narcissist to give you the answers you’ve been waiting to hear because it’s not going to happen. In other words, stop waiting to hear the truth because you already know it and, more importantly, so does the narcissist! When you have confidence in the truth that you know, it doesn’t matter whether the narcissists admits his or her wrong doings because the truth is the truth. This leads to….
- Stop explaining. From the second you “grasp” this point, you don’t have to argue with the narcissist anymore. When you become confident in the truth that you know, you relieve yourself of the burden of ever having to EXPLAIN anything to a narcissist ever again let alone over and over and over. How many times can recall having the same argument with your narcissist literally hundreds of times? Most of our “arguments” involve us trying to explain, for the 100th time, why the narcissist’s behaviors hurt, why what he or she did was wrong and how they need to repent! All the while, the narcissist stands there with his dead stare or cocky smirk, watching us fumble over our words. Did you ever feel better about any of it? No! Once you have confidence in the truth that you know, you simply stop freaking yourself out. By refusing to explain, you are automatically moved into the power position. This goes for texting too. Keep it short and sweet. During any argument with a narcissist, the only have to say two connected little truisms…
- I know the truth and so do you. That’s it! No matter what the narcissist says, that’s all you have to say. He already knows the truth. Remember that a narcissist knows right from wrong, he just doesn’t give a shit. LIMIT YOURSELF to variations on that one sentence and you will WIN every argument every single time by default. If the punishment for you calmly telling him confidently that you both know the truth is a silent treatment, then so be it. Let the training begin!
You have the power to win every time without feeling anxiety or doubt. When I realized this, I couldn’t believe I hadn’t done it sooner. Will the narcissist get annoyed? Of course! But better he or she be annoyed than you feel frustrated and invalidated on what you BOTH already know to be true. Stop explaining and be confident and watch the miracles happen in your own head.