Thanks, Amber! We’re all in this together:)…xo

Hi Carey,

Thanks for reading….lol…yes, Wayne and Jeremy are two of the interchangeable narcs we all know. Pretty crazy. They all read from the same playbook!

Zari xo

Hi Dee,

Even old posts will always be relevant. My guess is that there’s a playbook that narcs get at birth and it simply updates as they grow up, giving them a pat answer for every situation possible. They ALL say the same shit and, I’m sorry, it’s not a coincidence. Something else is definitely going on! lol Big hugs, sister!

Zari:)

In my case, I don’t know where to begin. It’s been 30 years for me. I feel angry and ashamed that I endured so much abuse and didn’t realize that HOPE kept me on a string. Faith in a lie. Like a carrot being dangled in front of me. I started to realize that this so called “love” kept going on through the illusion that I would eventually get this love. IF I JUST TRIED HARDER, I would eventually earn the love I felt I deserved that he used to I thought give me when he so called put me on a pedestal. You will have the love you worked so hard for is the unworded thought that I had. Beware of anyone who puts you on a pedestal. They are feeding your ego to hook you as well as feeding their own. EGO leads to disaster. LIE, LIE, LIE.

God is love. He doesn’t operate like this. Love is soothing, kind, forgiving, secure ALWAYS. I was listening to a sermon by a pastor named Charles Stanley. He was preaching on being obedient to God and what that means. My spirit was deeply affected by hearing about obedience to God. I then realized that tolerating my narcisstic husband who by the way filed for divorce from me wasn’t being obedient to God. Instead of feeling condemned, I feel emboldened to trust God and have no more part of this drama. Jesus my Lord and Savior did not die on the cross for this demonic abuse. It is actually STUPID and EVIL.

I don’t totally blame my husband. I played a part in not listening to my intuition warning me. I had a sense of not being worthybefore meeting this man and it led me to this terrible place. Working on knowing I am worthy is hard for me but will lead me to a better place. But obedience to God is what will lead me out of this. I pray that we all come to that place of inner peace where NPD has no place in our lives.

Hi Marie,

Look, I don’t think you need me to tell you what you already know. Your husband is a cheater and a liar plain and simple. Whether he’s a narcissist or not, he wants an open relationship where either just him or both of you can sleep with other people whenever possible and with no repercussions. Is that okay with you? I would think not. He is NOT going to change, obviously, for your marriage so there is only one option. Cheating – especially more than once and with NO REMORSE – is never an option in a relationship in my book but maybe you can live with what he has done or clearly WANTS to do. Check back with me and tell me how that vacation to Florida went.

Zari xo

Hi Lisa,

I’ve had a lot of trouble with this website and got really far behind in my responses – so sorry! To answer your question, when I started calling my ex a “narcissist” and “sociopath”, he didn’t say much at first but LATER ON I would find that he was googling variations of both terms almost as if he was fascinated by his own disorder – I swear to God! And then another time he was at a friend’s house and called ME a narcissist and then yet another time he actually used his “narcissism” as an excuse for going silent, asking if I could “fix” him. Yikes! These people are truly nuts.

I hope you are still finding your peace, sister! Let me know how you are doing!

Zari xo

Hey Zari….I’m definitely in the same nightmare. 6 year relationship…engaged (proposal was a joke!). Perfect partner for years (so I thought!) to become the cold, calculating monster, that treated me as someone he hated, amd couldn’t stand. Met sometime online amd 12 days later, I found out. In spite of his hiding the phone. I endured lie upon lie, from someone who declared lies were unforgivable! Who portrayed a carefully crafted saint like demeanor. We were the couple everyone admired! Then, it changed. The end was horrific. I found out at Christmas, then he flew to Italy (already planned) and left me, to clear out the house by myself. Oh and by the way, I have MS, so I had to pay people to help me pack, move etc. I did such a great job, he could screw her in our bed the minute he got back! ,and she knew about me, but didn’t care! I’m sure he told her many lies about me! Then the hoovering started, even flying monkey stuff from his ex-wife! I was played for a few months, pushed and pulled. Your fabulous insights showed me I didn’t deserve any of it! It’s eerie how you are mentioning everything I’ve gone through! The triangulation, the contempt, the discard! He owes me thousands, and couldn’t care less about the pain he inflicted! He sleeps well every night I’m sure! Especially with her. And the patterns, they have dogged him his whole life! So his ex wife says! I found out one girlfriend killed herself after they broke up. Seriously. I was told it wasn’t a great break up (are they ever?) then she’s met a new guy, who tragically had an aneurism, and was to be taken off life support. She went to the woods, and killed herself!! After our break up, he felt compelled to really take the mask off! Wanted me to see the monster he really is! Telling me how he had a six month affair with a drug dealer, and she and he were doing coke all the time!! And cheating on this girl. And it all came out! I was shocked! That part of the story had been deliberately edited for years! It was like I never knew this person! We never drank, did drugs etc. he was the best bf, the best dad, just incredible…I thought! A real pillar of decency. Now I see, he’s a real chameleon. Different with every partner. Now he’s into the gym amd drinking, because that’s what the new one does! He has no sense of self, or knows what he likes I guess?! So bloody bizarre!!

Question: If a narc reads these articles, do they see themselves, and admit it? Would they be concerned? Proud? I called him a sociopath, and his answer was…maybe?! Huh?! He’s always told me his ability to compartmentalize the suicide, or painful things! He cried the crocodile tears at the end. But I know they weren’t real.

Zari, you have no idea how much you’ve helped me! The constant angst, the gnawing pain, the constant rerun of conversations, and visuals etc.! You have helped quiet the inner dialogue so much!

Thank you!

Lisa

Hi lele,

Thank you for sharing! There were so many things in your post I wanted to respond to so I’ll go one by one:

1. These EVIL IDIOTS end up shooting themselves in the foot because they will never have that light hearted free spirited flowing natural love that all of US are capable of having. In most cases I am sure we all have had it in bits and pieces from others in the past. So true! They will never be like us and the truth is that thier “bad” is as good as it’s ever going to get!

2. I do not understand myself for ever deciding to marry a man full of demonic characteristics such as these. In the beginning, those demonic characteristics are intentionally well hidden so why would you have looked for them? If narcs weren’t so excellent at hiding them, they would always be alone and they never are. The beginning stage is where he hooks!

3. Not o mention the sex is horrible…I had to literally close my eyes and imagine I was somewhere doing something else to stomach it. Unfortunately, for myself and for so many others (I would say about 80%), the sex is over-the-top awesome and THIS is how we get addicted. For the 80%, with everything else in the relationship going awry, I’m pretty sure bad sex would have been the deal breaker and our narcs knew this. So, it started off great (in that way) in that way and even at the end, it stayed great, keeping us unfortunately connected. Yuck!

4. I am a Christian and I dont believe in divorce but I do believe that should I catch him cheating I have every right to leave. Which hasnt happen yet ONLY because I have no energy into lurking around or going through his disgusting phone. I did have him recently take an STD test because I do not trust him one bit. While not every cheater is a narcissist, every narcissist is absolutely a cheater. Because it’s so hard to catch them, we have to be confident in the truth that we know…in what our God-given INTUITION (which is NEVER wrong) tells us. Sounds to me like your intuition is screaming but you’re not listening.

5. Ladies we have to take some responsibility for letting something so ugly into our lives and get over it. And still look to the future. We are still alive and CAN experience true love. Again, we didn’t know they were ugly when we allowed them in, right? That being said, the only way to give ourselves another chance to find true love is to get the hell out or kick his ass to the curb. Can’t have the first without doing the second.

6. Yes we got played but noone said life would be easy. True, life itself is never easy but that is the whole reason that God gave us love – and love should NEVER be hard. Time to get out and find the real stuff, girlfriend.

Stay strong and make a plan! Life is way too short for all the narcissistic nonsense:)

Zari xo

That’s it exactly!

Hi Marvin,

Thanks for sharing and I am sorry for your pain, brother! I just re-wrote this entire article (LOL), adding and updating it so please re-read and also be sure to read the 80+ articles (and all the stories in the comments) on this site because they will give you comfort. Our suffering changes nothing and once we accept this and understand it, we can actually breath. She will always be who she is – there is nothing you could have ever done to change anything. Stay hopeful because YOU are perfect just the way that you are. You CAN get through it. It’s all about changing your perspective and one day it will just “click” and you will be free. I promise you:)

Stay strong and I’m always here to support you…

Zari xo

With these kind of people, there is no way you can communicate. Its either you’ll have let them win without much of fight for yourself OR if you stick to yourself, its a VERBAL COMPETITION, but never a communication.

I use to have exact type of conversation with my ex-girlfriend. Every time. She slept with some college friends when she got drunk (that’s how the story went on). Whenever she was out of town she totally denied of any conversations. If i stated any kind of problems with her, the talk went straight at me and i had to defend myself for no reason and i ended up feeling guilty.

We were in relationship for 17 months. Whenever i felt hurt, i tried to walk away, but she always came back, cried and i took her in. In hope for a better relationship ahead. She was very mean and bad to most of my friends, my family and with me. Get mad at me if i went out with my friends. Get accused of cheating for no reason. I asked her to drop the relationship many times, but she just lead on and i didn’t know what to do. In my head i was in love with her and was prepared to anything (call me a fool). Lost many of my friends while in relationship with her and relationship with family also went downhill.

Suicide threats a couple of times when i tried to end the relationship. And i began to feel as if the problem is me.

I was 15 months into the relationship and was depressed and hurt. She use to get mad at me for being sad. I didn’t understand. I began to act in a way i never thought i would. I wanted to hear the truth of whatever was going on, i wanted to communicate. But wasn’t happening. Though i cared about her i wanted to hurt her, i wanted to hurt so she could feel how i was feeling.

One day, somewhere in the 16th month. She went to the guy’s house with whom she cheated on me before. I lost it. I tried to ask questions. She wouldn’t answer, but didn’t let her leave. I was ready to beat her up bad just to hear out what the f**k was going on. I never thought a simple straight answers to things that were important for the relationship was that hard to come by. I slapped her four times and she got my best friend involved into it. She begged and cried and got to my feet saying ‘she never opened her legs to anyone’. I didn’t know how to react.

But the next day, for her, it seemed it was nothing for her. like it didn’t even happen. I wanted to protect the relationship so tried to be patient one more time. Same week she left the town for 10 days and like always communication was a major concern. She got mad at me for buzzing her too much, so i just decided to keep quite. After the trip was over, she called me and asked ‘why wasn’t i calling her’. I didn’t have an answer to that. Few days days later, and after a long continuous fight. She said, she could not offer her anything more in the relationship. I could do nothing about that. So i told her that we needed to talk as we were involved in the same startup, we started together. I told her to call me when she was ready to talk. And if she didn’t want to talk. It was okay. I had a strong feeling that the relationship was going nowhere anyway.

She called me and asked me to meet her. I went to meet her only to suffer 5 hours of silent treatment.

That day, i ended up spitting her in middle of the road and got beaten my some guys in the road for spitting on a girl.

We finally broke up. Grief, extreme pain, anxiety, anger, curiosity, begging, apologizing, self-loathe, suicidal thinking and complete shut down was the after math. Took me 6 months to get a bit better and return to regular life.

After the breakup, suddenly she seems to have befriended my friends she use to hate. Still hangs out with my best friend. And i don’t understand anything at all.

Its been 10 months since the breakup. And i still wake up some days in week hurting and crying for no reason. Crying makes the hurt a bit bearable. Got to know about the Narcs and Empaths for the first time. Discovered i was an Empath and many other things about self. Was Emotionally, financially and psychologically damaged, but recovering slowly. Life has changed in a way i never thought of, as if i am learning everything from scratch at the age of 28.

Connecting with new people is difficult now. And ability to trust is somewhat gone. I dunno what to feel about these kind of changes in me. Still looking forward with bit of hope.

Thanks for listening.