Hi, Ashleigh!
It’s been already more than half a year, so I hope you’re doing a lot better.
My narc used to say the same thing…that he was emotionally unavailable and the fact that I wanted what a normal person wants ( time, honesty) was too much for him to handle. 3 years of crying and of suffering after him, with so many offs (probably 2 years out of these 3 wwre off), long explanation, so many discards, so many attempts from my side. It all went to shit.
Luckily for me, he kept me at bay, I never discovered any tragical truths about him as you did about yours. But in your case…it’s for the best, at least he gave you clear reasons of what to run away from.
I’m in the process of going no contact for ever. Please, let me know if you succeeded too and avoid asking any questions in regards to him, they will only make you wanna go back and ask for clarification, and you’ll never get any from him.

I know it’s hard, girl. Just hang in there and be confident in the truth that you know. It is KEY to everything:)…xo

Hi Zari! Thank you so much for your reply. I know you’re right, as hard as it is to believe it was all a lie, it was. I’m just learning how to embrace I am better off without him. I will say, at the time that I spoke to his wife, I did not know she was pregnant. I found out a few weeks after speaking to her.

Hi Ashleigh,

Some narcs change their number all the time…mine did and it never stopped him from calling me when he wanted to return. The only thing it changes is that YOU can’t call HIM and that’s the point. And honestly, if you knew she wouldn’t believe you, I don’t know how contacting the pregnant wife of your narcissistic lover would provide her any “protection” at all. The very fact that she’s pregnant would probably cause her to reluctantly look the other way. Otherwise, she’d have to deal with the pain at a most inopportune time. He’s obviously an awful person and everyone figures it out at some point. What you could have done, as soon as you knew, is threaten HIM that you would call her if he didn’t leave you the hell alone. That might have worked but, having said all that, it is very possible that by calling her and completely upsetting the household at this time, he is completely done. For your sake, I hope he is. Go forth and be free…there’s no time to waste in this very short life.

Zari xo

So true! Thank you for sharing, FINALLY FREE!…..Zari xo

I found them…changing them now….

Hi Karen,

Do you see your surname? I don’t see it. All I see is your first name which you can change if you like when you post again. Your email doesn’t show either. Even if you change your posting name, as long as you use the same email it will still post quickly. Let me know the articles where your comment with a surname is showing and I’ll change it right away.

xo

Hey girl,

I only found one post with your full name on it and I changed it to Suzi. If you think there are more let me know…I’ll search it again. And yes, a New Year is coming and we all get to start fresh no matter what happened in 2016. That’s how I see the new year. Don’t worry about breaking NC. It’s just a narc…who cares what he thinks? Brush yourself off and get back on it:)

xo

Can my surname also come off any of my posts. Really don’t want him to see anything I write on here. This is my safe place. Incidentally I have to admit I sent a Birthday message so yes broken my No Contact pathway. Ahh well isn’t New Year coming up.

Hi Carl,

You are not alone in your situation. I speak with several men who now have to see the narc in the workplace. In all cases, it’s a good job that no one wants to give up but I say to start looking! It never hurts to look around for other opportunities and to see whats out there. You should never have to quit your job but seeing the narc day after day…or even knowing she’s around the corner or on the next floor…or seeing her car in the parking lot…it’s all very mind consuming. Just do the best that you can day to day and keep your distance. She will always consider the fact that you are there as an opportunity for her to keep you in the queue.

There’s a new year coming and this means we get to start fresh. Maybe a new job is exactly the positive note that will come of this. Don’t cut yourself short…the world awaits…

Zari xo

Hi Kik,

Well, girl, you are right to feel that your relationship meant nothing to him because it didn’t. The good news is that his new relationship doesn’t mean a damn thing to him either and eventually she – and any other “girlfriends” that come after or during – will find their way to this website like everyone else. They never change no matter what it appears to be on the surface. Try to stay away from anything and anyone who can give you updates on his pathetic fake life and you just be happy. There is a new year coming and we all get to start over, sister!

Stay strong…YOU were NEVER the problem! We’re all here to support you:)

Zari xo

Hi Sue,

You can do this, girl! Just a couple of weeks left and then we’re into the new year. This is the hardest part, of course, but it will be over before you know it. Just keep yourself busy and just focus on putting it behind you. We’re rootin’ for you:)

Zari xo

Thank you for your suitable rye and accurate perspective. Duped is absolutely the correct word and my ex has honed this duplicitous skill incredible effectively. He is the Heathcliffe to our Cathy’s across the board. There is strength in hearing people’s stories and recovery journeys. So to all the contributors on this blog and of course the Queen of insight Zari I thank you. Now to try and get through the Festive period without contact.

Hi Zari,

I’m back again. Past 2 months I did okay. Focused on myself, went out alot to do fun things with friends and so on. I found out my ex already has a new girlfriend. Eventhough I know that our break-up was the best thing that could ever happen to me, it does hurt me. I keep thinking that I wasn’t worth a thing to him, that he did not valued our relationship because he moved on so fast. The thoughts are so freaking annoying. I know it makes no sense. I don’t know how to stop thinking of them.. It makes me feel down.. X

Please, I encourage any and all, to take the time & talk with Zari. She is so willing & insightful to help you get through the toughest time of your life. And for someone, that is so knowledgeable on narcissists, the most evil of the evil souls out there, to still be so opened minded, to say, “in your situation” it might be possible to still be friends, says alot for Zari. She, of all people, knows how horrible, mean people they can be, but, still, allows, the possibility for them to step up to plate & make it right, even though, we know, it’s questionable, at best..

So, don’t think twice, if you’re struggling with uneasy, sad, unhappy feelings, CALL ZARI, I promise you, you will feel so much better & so much more at peace.

Love To All,
Steph