What are Narcissists & Sociopaths REALLY thinking? (Part 3/3)

narcissist-abuseVictims of narcissist abuse always want to know what in the hell the narcissist is really thinking – as if knowing the awful truth will bring actual closure to the pain of a discard. Although I can understand this,  I am fairly certain that most of us know all too well exactly what the narcissist is thinking and our quest for truth is actually about us hoping that we’re wrong.  Unfortunately, this article – Part 3 of A Sociopath Exposes a Narcissist – isn’t going to help to that end but it will, in fact, give us some cold hard facts.

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Since I believe that a narcissist is a sociopath and a sociopath is a narcissist, the words that follow might as well have come out of the mouth of the N himself (or herself). If you’ve read Part 1 and Part 2 of this series of articles, then you know that the “answers” I provide are taken directly from the blog of a sociopath. Although the words aren’t pretty and, for the most part, do not tell us anything that we don’t already know in our heart of hearts, I decided to use this information (a.k.a. the thoughts of this sociopath) to my blog because I really do feel that seeing is believing and we all need to see this to believe it.

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It’s amazing to me that, although I discovered this particular blog many years ago, the words are as cutting and hurtful today as they were to me back then. I guess the truth is the truth and sometimes the truth hurts, right? So, for everyone who searches for answers on the web with search phrases like “When will the narcissist return?”, “Does the narcissist miss me?”, “What is a narcissist thinking during a silent treatment?”, “Why do narcissists use silent treatments?”, “Does the narcissist remember me?” and on and on, the answers below come right from a narcissist’s mouth and should answer all of those questions in one sad fell swoop. [Note: The questions that precede the “answers” were created by me according to my take on the answer itself].

Do narcissists know they are narcissists and are they happy?

The answer, from the mouth of a narcissist/sociopath: Real sociopaths (narcissists), like myself, are happy being a sociopath (narcissist). We could really care less about how others feel. We enjoy our so called cold existence. It’s all we know. So, (if you think) sociopaths really are hurting deep down inside and want to change if given a chance, nonsense! True (narcissists and) sociopaths don’t want to change. Most don’t even believe they have a problem. We love every minute of it. It’s who we are. We feel in total control of our lives using this method. Anything less is unacceptable. 

Why doesn’t the narcissist seem to miss me like I miss him when we break up?

The answer, from the mouth of a narcissist/sociopath:We don’t need you. You could disappear tomorrow and we could care less. We’re not prone to being controlled in any way, shape or form. We are survivalists. Trust us we would live if the human race disappeared tomorrow. We are far too self serving and self absorbed not to. At the very least? We’d give it a damn good shot! And we don’t need you in some round about way either. You’re mistaking us for someone who gives a shit or has feelings like your own. Trust me we don’t. We simply use you because you’re nearby, you’re convenient or we’re bored and desire something you possess. Otherwise we would go on without you just fine. Because, again, we don’t possess feelings like you do. Getting it now?

How can a narcissist just move on to someone else like it’s no big deal?

The answer, from the mouth of a narcissist/sociopath:I think sociopaths do a good job of living in the now. They can focus on the task at hand without being influenced by feelings or events from the past, other lessons learned, and they don’t become so anxious about the future. When they do get anxious it’s more like a response to present situations, just like animals do.

Do narcissists know or understand right from wrong?

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The answer, from the mouth of a narcissist/sociopath: Not being guided by a ‘moral compass’ means that judgments of good vs. bad and rights vs. wrong are determined using a different mechanism. Psychopaths (narcissists and sociopaths) know the difference between right and wrong because they understand cause and effect. While such a simplistic method of decision-making leaves plenty of room for error, it also explains why they are sometimes unaware of the trouble they cause or outright do not care. If they choose to do what social norms and laws determine to be “good” and someone is unintentionally hurt in the process who assumes the burden of guilt? Their intention was good, indicating morality in that they chose to follow socially acceptable rules, but the behavior violated another person’s moral code and no remorse is being expressed on cue. It is in this space that the mask of sanity begins to slip and people are often shockingly aware that this person possesses very little real emotion. The psychopath/narcissist, however, feels no guilt or empathy by default and can’t understand why the other person is so upset. There is no “guilty conscience” giving them a clue and they are displaying the symptom of being “indifferent to social norms” while most likely presenting as ‘cold-hearted.’ Why should a psychopath fake emotion just to appease the other person? His behavior is within the framework of the laws but his emotion is not fueling the behavior. They do not see a need for emotion to be involved so pervasively in life and regular people cannot fathom how it is possible to function without emotional connections to other people. Psychopaths seem to intellectually understand that losing a close friend brings about pain which leads to crying as a way to release overwhelming emotion in normal people. But to cry because your feelings were hurt is a foreign concept. Therefore, the psychopath sees no logical reason for either party to display emotion in this situation; rather, his good intentions and avoidance of malice are enough to justify his action. Just because it did not go according to plan does not make him responsible for the other person’s feelings. Furthermore, the slighted person doesn’t deserve an apology because it is they who are handicapped by irrational emotions.

So, if you’ve been wondering how a narcissist really feels and hoping that a truthful answer might warrant some sympathy on your part, this article series should put an end to that once and for all, wouldn’t you say?

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78 Comments

  • Lisa

    August 9, 2016 at 7:51 pm Reply

    I don’t think I’ve ever had a full-blown narcissistic boyfriend, but I did have a narcissistic father, and I don’t agree that narcissists are happy people who need nobody. On the contrary, they’re miserable people, horrifyingly arrested in development, and can only survive by sucking the very mental health out of their intimates. They aren’t independent—they are, if anything, monstrous parasites, visiting their own self Ioathing on anyone in no position to fight back. Therapy would be a waste of time, because they’d only bullshit the therapist. And laugh about it later.

    The best punishment for such deformed folk would simply be to have nothing to do with them. Let them go on their unmerry way, stewing in their mental illness and bile.

    And then the rest of us should just concentrate on what makes us happy.
    Surviving an encounter with one of those creatures is like surviving an encounter with the Alien. Whew!!!!

  • Dory

    August 1, 2016 at 10:21 am Reply

    just dated a guy who was a sociopath. In my gut I knew something was wrong but I could not put my finger on it. He told me he saw a future with us, said he adored me and wanted to spend as much time with me as he could. When I started questioning him, that is when he turned angry and turned it all around on me. Tried to control me, did not work. I found out that he had a girlfriend in a another state for 2 1/2 years. Instead of walking away, which I was told to do. I sent him anonymous texts saying I know about your girlfriend and called him a sociopath. I also told her. I repeated this again. He knew it was me, and I owned my craziness. He called me a PYCHO, told me he was going to get a lawyer that I better save my money. He told me to never contact him again. Which I did. Then he blamed me for the whole thing. It was all on him. He did this. I know my actions were wrong in how I handled it, but I feel like I have been taken for a ride on a crappy old roller coaster. I am so angry that I did those things, and that I did not listen to my gut and leave. He knows where I live, I am scared. I exposed him.

    My question is will he come back? He was verbally abusive to me. I am afraid of him.

  • Matt

    June 23, 2016 at 3:40 pm Reply

    You only use men as the narcissist but beleave me there are women. I just got divorced after a 34 year marriage only to find out I was gas lighted to the extreme.1st of all she had my phone cloned and was calling and texting all kinds of numbers and accusing me of making the calls.she had taken thousands of dollars out of our account over a period of time she put my profile on dating sites and gay sites.one of my sons who is a fireman took the time to track down numbers and when he called her on it she did what they do best lie.found out she’s been cheating with some alcoholic who doesn’t have 2 buckles to rub together but the last 3 years she’s been a pill head and a alcoholic.shes picked up my phone when I’ve been out made calls then took pics with hers delegated mine then told my sons I made those calls while in the bathroom. She has totally destroyed all the years of hard work for her own personal gain. She has messed me up to the point that I am using a shrink to try and get through this so let’s not just use one gender to describe these p.o.s. They come in female as well. My question is has she always been this way or does it just happen sometimes .I know her whole family has been disfuntional I thought I got the one good egg I would love to read your reply on this. Thanks

    • Zari Ballard

      June 24, 2016 at 7:54 am Reply

      Hi Matt,

      Before you assume that I only believe that men are narcs, read this article that I wrote to the guys and, if you can, check out my book that I wrote specifically for the guys as well. Right now, the majority of people who call in to me for consultations on how to get past this shit are MEN so don’t feel alone in any way. I’ve always been the first to say that female narcs have their male counterparts beat hands down in the evil department.

      I write from my 13-year experience – hence, the reference to the male gender. To write every article using he/she, his/her, her/him simply sounds awkward and ruins the flow of the content. I’ve got to make things readable. You’re always welcome on this site….as far as I’m concerned, recovery from narc abuse is a team effort.

      Stay strong!

      Zari:)

      • Cheryl

        June 24, 2016 at 7:59 am Reply

        Just a note to Matt: Part of the thing is that psychology still believes that most narcissists are men; but that might be changing. Women narcissists can be very very different from male narcissists – I have some of my best chats with men who had to deal with a female narcissist. I am a female who had a relationship with a female narcissist (and I’m sure there are plenty of male-male relationships as well). I agree there isn’t enough information out there to help understand the female narcissist in all her forms, but maybe that doesn’t matter as much as realizing you are with someone who is hurting you and you shouldn’t believe that’s something you should allow. Good luck and stay strong.

    • Melanie

      August 7, 2016 at 9:03 am Reply

      Agreed Matt!
      There are some evil Narcissistic women put there and it can be worse! I am woman and I have dated some really horrifying women with BPD and NPD!

  • Terri

    June 22, 2016 at 1:00 pm Reply

    Hello
    I believe with all my heart that my ex is a narcissist. He would break up with me for the stupidest things. We would get in a small argument then he would use the silent treatment to break up which killed me even more. This time we were apart for eight months. He got involved with a very ugly girl. He dumped her because he told his friend he missed me and realized the grass was not greener on the other side. I agreed to talk to him. I went to his apartment where he had a picture of us together in his living room and towels with our initials in his bathroom. He told me the truth about girls he was with when we were broke up and swore he would never do it to me again. He said he would always talk things out and never give me the silent treatment again. For six months he kept his word. Then he gradually started hanging out with friends all week, called less and when we went away I felt like I was a third wheel because one of his friends came with us and he wanted to do more things with him then me. He is 45 years old. We came back from the trip and everything seemed ok for a month besides the fact he was always with the friend working. Right before it ended We spent a nice weekend together. I was getting him a l loan because his credit stinks but then we got in a stupid argument over one of his friends calling me a bad word and him still talking to him. He kicked me out of his house, told me don’t Call me I’ll call yo. he then blocked me from calling him and deleted me off Facebook. The only thing he ever said was to come get your things off my porch. Never would talk about the argument just stop talking to me After her promised he would never do that again. This time we lasted eight months.
    He doesn’t talk to his parents because his dad abused him while his mom never did anything about it. He loses friends like water. When he was married he had numerous affairs and I know he cheated on me even though he will never admit it No one likes no one likes him. In fact I was one of his few friends. He has three kids one will not talk to him.
    He now will not talk to me and anything I sent to him went unanswered I had to quit because I was making a fool out of myself. Everyone tells me to just move on. He is a jerk. Let him go. We have been on and off for about ten years cause of him breaking up over stupid things. Does he sound like a narcissist?? He swore this time he would not ignore me and he did. He went through all that to get me back just to dump me the same way again. Any help is appreciated. I hurt really bad. We have not talked for a month this time.

  • Deanna Polzin

    December 10, 2015 at 8:31 pm Reply

    I read this article and all I can say is Wow…and the last paragraph made me actually feel sick. I have been reading about NPD for almost two years, and your books have been spot on with my 5 year experience with a man who clearly is a narcissist and has NPD. However, browsing your site tonight I came upon this article and just had to read it, although I wanted to find otherwise, this has more than cemented my conclusions. I had known after the cycle (about 6 months on and then 6 off) relationship I had been on, and two years ago my (crazy) sister-in-law being diagnosed with BPD, and then reading about her problem I learned about NPD and the lightbulbs didn’t just come on, they all exploded. I would give examples, but obviously, I don’t have to. Everything you have posted, all three of your books, you have fortunately for my sanity hit every nail on the head. After my birthday this past March, where he had reduced me to only his “Sat” night date, and for the first time in a long time had been taking me out (although nowhere local…compartments, of course), and spending money on me, he discarded me with a 3 week ST…from there I went complete NC. After a month, he called…to talk, not let things end this way crap…I let it go to VM. You know the story, and it has been NC by me for just over 7 months,…always a bit longer than than the last time, right? Now, back to calling me my nickname, not my name…via work email. Yes, horrors. We work together, but fortunately he travels and is gone a lot of the time, which has been a blessing. At any rate, calling me D,…instead of Deanna…my first clue. Then, the trying to talk to me, …the work emails, being funny. Going from being out of the office and calling other employees instead of the main number (yes, I answer the phones) to now calling in …talking to me. The same ‘ole same ‘ole. Emails, being funny, ha-ha…not funny on this end when I have to be pleasant and professional at work. He’s in Europe now, made a comment about Xmas, …which is totally future-faking, and as he usually goes every other Holiday Season with me and we were together last year, I know he’s FOS. Then, I read this article…still feel like throwing up. The comment the one writer makes (and yes, they are smooth…unfortunately these bastards are smart and good writers ( Like my sister-in-law, aside from being a lying, cheating, manipulative (EXPLETIVE), also has her Masters). Well, I’m an English major and pretty sharp myself, and the one problem with their statements I have is that they can survive without us. Bullshit. No, they can’t. If were gone, they have no one to feed off of. I’ll agree that they react hlike animals, that they have no emotions, even that they’re survivors, but not that they don’t need us. The writer clearly said USE us, as my ex-BF did me, and if they have no one to use…they’d die. All of them. They certainly don’t look for another NARC to feed off when they look for supply, no. They look for full, caring, emotion-filled humans such as us. So, let us all die then, because afterwards, they will all surely follow. A suitable ending to their reign of lying, conniving, manipulative bile. As to my situation, well, he’s been kicking the tires, but I think he will find that they’re all flat, and with that, he can’t take me for a spin. So, I’ll sit here happily on blocks for awhile, and won’t waste another dime of my gas on him. Thanks for your site, you’re an inspiration to all of us whom no one else understands…Thank you!

    • Zari Ballard

      December 26, 2015 at 3:42 am Reply

      Hi Deanna,

      Sorry that it took me so long to get to your post but I wanted to say thank you for the kind words and, yup, your ex sure seems like a textbook to me. I hope you are doing well and be sure to write back if you need me. I have caught up and any post you send should be right near the top of the new comment list.

      Hope you had a great Xmas….

      zari xo

      • Deanna Polzin

        January 4, 2016 at 6:18 pm Reply

        Hi Zari & Happy New Year!
        Thank you for your kind reply and yes, while quiet, Christmas was very nice, thank you. I hope yours was as well, and I hope not staying up until after three a.m. responding to your huge and appreciative followers…lol! My New Year’s was also quiet, which I decided was actually good for me, as we need to start off this year with knowing that I’m okay, and may I add, better off by myself right now. I ended up talking with my Mom and again, the X factor came up and how I was feeling a bit lonely this Holiday Season, and while she understands, she asks how I’m just not over him and moved onto a better situation by now. The devalue started last January, where I knew he already had his other supply to turn to, but going above and beyond during last years Holiday and playing the perfect guy (with the exception of limiting his time with me and lessening the contact), he did his best to raise my suspicions so the last few months with him found me walking on eggshells, questioning everything he did, and KNOWING what he was doing anyway. My Mom’s reply is that since I knew, how could it be a surprise when he finally discarded me, as I knew it was coming, how can I not be over him? I think this is what bothers me more than anything, that it’s impossible to try and get anyone to understand how this kind of relationship is, and not one you can just walk from and have it be the end. Then, even after they discard you (which he did every time, and as you state, each being worse than the last), where you have all the reason you need to be done, you can’t severe the invisible umbilical they have connected to you. It’s infuriating! Then try to explain how his calling into work on New Year’s Eve day last week, when he didn’t have to and he knew I was there, and pretending were friends…wishing me a happy NY, …put me over the edge. Again. No, I didn’t give him the satisfaction of being anything but indifferent, saying you too and ending the call as soon as possible, I held it together well. However, it got to me that night…and New Year’s Day, where last year we were together. The in and out of my life is what I just can’t handle anymore. Yes, it’s been a year, over and over since 2009 but this is the year when it’s it for me. I’m finally at the place I need to be that while he can still affect me in weak moments, I’m at least able to keep myself from giving him any reaction, so no supply here. I hope that others on your site are also at this place at the start of yet, another fresh year and that they can take some comfort in knowing that there are many of us out there who know exactly where they are, and how they feel. I know that this forum has been a source of information and support that without, I don’t know where I would be, and shudder to think of the alternative. My best to you in this New Year at hand and keep doing what you do, for all of us and know that you have helped provide an avenue to understanding that we otherwise would never have…Thank you!
        Deanna

      • single and happy

        May 25, 2016 at 10:03 am Reply

        Perfectly said. I put a PPO on mine.. LMAO.

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