A narcissistic lover will always leave us with an uncomfortable feeling – a nagging suspicion of something sinister going on that we can’t quite put our finger on. It’s an anxious, something just ain’t right feeling that far surpasses any other feeling of discomfort we might have experienced in, say, any other dysfunctional relationship. You might even find yourself staring at the back of this person’s head wondering if you even know him at all.
I’m talking about the nagging feeling that you get when he “innocently” forgets to call even one time (and you’re not a jealous person) or when he tells you a ridiculous, illogical story to explain why he wasn’t at home this morning when you stopped by (to see why he hadn’t called last night) or when he changes his phone number, playing The Cell Phone Game, for the fifth time this year (out of the blue) and couldn’t care less about explaining that at all. Yeah, you know what I’m talking about: those feelings.
And when you bring these feelings that you’re having to this person’s attention, the reaction is instantly defensive. You are accused of being insecure, called a Drama Queen, and made to believe that you’re making mountains out of molehills. As a result, you’ve probably begun to say nothing at all when these feelings arise for fear of initiating what you already know will be the punishment – a silent treatment, perhaps, or some similarly weird, unexplained disappearance lasting a week or two and maybe more. Is it his fault? Is it your fault? What the fuck is going on?
It’s time to start listening to your intuition (because it’s never wrong). It’s time to stop and recognize who and what you are dealing with, my friend. Passive-aggressive narcissistic manipulation can be the most spirit-breaking kind of abuse imaginable simply because it conducts itself in the background of your life all day, every day. Passive-aggressive behaviors are as covert as they are deliberate – make no mistake about this! And the partner who inflicts this type of emotional manipulation does it for the sheer joy of seeing you suffer while he/she gets away with emotional murder (among other things). This partner is a narcissist and the often undefinable nagging feeling we get is what inevitably trauma bonds us to this person. It’s amazing how easily this person can historically reject us no matter hard we try to be what they want us to be.
Make no mistake about this fact and who exactly is the enemy. YOU are NOT the problem.