Did a Narcissist Puppeteer Create YOUR Reality?

narcissist-puppetThe narcissist is a Master Puppeteer who has the amazing ability to turn unwitting humans into his own personal puppets. If you happen to be his partner (a.k.a. The Person Who Loves Him), the narcissist will basically create and shape your reality to suit his purpose and you’ll become a puppet before you even know it. You’ll become fanatical about performing the puppet dance for slivers of peace but you’ll never get any. It’s all about control and no one knows control better than the narcissist himself.

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Even during the initial love-bombing stage, the narcissist covertly trains the target. By behaving in certain ways, he will train you to do things his way and to feel the things he wants you to feel so that he can get away with whatever he wants. He will do this through the use of narcissistic tools such as silent treatments and other passive-aggressive punishments, great sex or the withholding of sex, chaos campaigns, and secrets, secrets, secrets. Puppet-making is a process that takes much expertise to end up with a worthy puppet. For the victim, insanity is all but ensured.

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To create a puppet from an unsuspecting target or partner, a narcissist must successfully manage down the relationship expectations of this person so that, as time passes, the partner expects less and less and the N gets away with more. Now, the narcissist isn’t naive (or stupid) enough to think that there will never be repercussions from his puppet-in-training (PIT). Creating puppets – or just one very “special” puppet – tests the patience of even the staunchest, most polished narcissist because it’s often met with resistance by feisty targets (like ourselves). In as much as we eventually do became puppets,  we DID buck the system when we felt controlled. When this happened, the N probably carefully chose a reaction that kept us on the trajectory while tricking us into thinking we’d “won”.

For instance, N’s have been known to intentionally behave so suspiciously about something that it causes a fight with his PIT. He’ll even do this to the point of getting kicked out or dumped even….and then he’ll wait. Soon, he might call or text in an “attempt” to make up, all the while knowing that the PIT, who is feeling empowered, won’t have any part of it. The narcissist smugly accepts his punishment and basically goes suddenly silent. This is on page sixty-two of the Puppet-In-Training Manual.

During the silence, the narcissist may do nothing more than hunker down with a stopwatch, counting the minutes, hours, and maybe days until you fall into step. (Is this possible, you ask? Actually no, not really). What he’ll likely do is take advantage of the free time to hook-up with the ex before you, the girl from high school on FB, or a couple from the swinger site he frequents. Fully aware that the rewards of his patience would be plenty, he will simply hang in there.

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For this particular point in the puppet making process, the narcissist will use passive-aggressive tactics that suit his purpose such as disappearing or giving the silent treatment and/or cold shoulder. As you’ll notice, all three of these punishments involve no accountability on his part because, for all intents and purposes, he simply stops speaking. The funny part is that while the PIT thinks she’s doing the punishing, it is actually her that is being punished! The intention, of course, is that you – the puppet – will feel crushed and rejected and finally see the error of your ways. Ultimately, he’ll never have to explain anything. You’ll become so anxious at his silence that you will forget all about the suspicious behavior that started it. YOU will say you’re sorry. This process will repeat until you are the perfect puppet. You see, the narcissist always follows a very pathological relationship agenda where your suffering is his reward for a job well done. And it works every time.

narcissist-puppeteerYou see, when the Narcissist Puppeteer has graduated you from PIT to puppet, then the fun really begins. He then doesn’t have to fake a thing. With a trained puppet to “love”, he can break promises, cheat, lie, triangulate, and get away with murder and there will be no consequences. These are all characteristics of narcissism that can never be changed. The cycle of puppet training continues throughout the relationship and repeats effortlessly for the narcissist. As a victim of this type of manipulating abuse, we almost lose our minds.

Don’t be a puppet for a narcissistic lover. Don’t be a puppet for anybody. If you feel controlled or tricked or gaslighted over anything by anybody, recognize that you are viewing a big red flag. To win, always be aware and willing to back out of a bad deal. Puppets don’t win…they just stay puppets.


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Zari Ballard, EzineArticles Basic Author

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  • Frank

    September 1, 2016 at 11:41 pm Reply

    This is very accurate fo my experience. She was a colleague of mine and very flirty I knew she had a boyfriend so i was cautious even though she started it all, but i thought a fourty year old woman should be mature enough to handle her private business.
    In the long run she became more and more nice towards me as she became more confident. However she was extremely paranoid if i did´nt greet her the right way when i met her, she would give me the silent treatment for a week. It happened several times because i wqas talking to someone else or simply because she gave me the creeps plus I did not want to run after a woman with a boyfriend.
    I felt like i was on Cesar Milans show: The Dog Whisperer and i was learning to become “calm and submissive”. The harder I tried, it actually worked but at what expense?
    Till this day I have no idea if she wanted me to be her new boyfriend or i was just a little snack. I have heard there should be an idealization phase with pornosex but I haven´t seen any of that.
    She would not even walk over to me and talk to me. I always had to do that which i found extremely humiliating.
    It all ended when I got fired from the job when I had not seen her in two weeks the fog cleared. The last time i saw her was at the christmas party. she stared at me like a little sad puppy, I sent her an angry face back, then she went over to another colleague and gave her a lecture about how sad and pathetic i was for coming onto a woman with a boyfriend, even though she was the one that started everything.
    I have not really missed her even though it is eight months since I have seen her for the last time but I fear that if i met her she would still hold power over me. I can easily recognize 8 out of 9 points from the DSM IV about NPD personality disorder and i can´t really say anything positive about her except she´s pretty to look at, but I still think about her, way to much for my own opinion even when i have to go through her hometown i get the creeps, it´s a bit like having a stone in your shoe that won´t come out.

    • Zari Ballard

      September 25, 2016 at 4:43 pm Reply

      Frank wrote…I felt like i was on Cesar Milans show: The Dog Whisperer…Till this day I have no idea if she wanted me to be her new boyfriend or i was just a little snack This made me laugh right out loud! You are not alone in feeling this way:)

      Hi Frank,

      You sound as if you have a handle on it and the best thing to do is just keep her out of your sight. Duck around buildings if you have to in her hometown but the longer you can keep this from happening (running into her) the less chance you have of falling back under the evil spell. We all think about these jerks way too much but in the end I believe that our picture of the monster is much clearer because of it.

      All you need to know is that this woman was nothing nice and keep moving forward. You deserve to be happy and there’s no time to waste!


      • Frank

        October 10, 2016 at 7:29 pm Reply

        Thanks for your comments.
        I am still split about her, a part of me wants her and another part says LEAVE it, but i have long since realized that nothing good will ever come out of her.
        It is a bit like a drug habbit. You want the drug, but you know it is not good for you and eventually it will destroy you.
        I can only imagine a life being calm and submissive waiting for the final discard must be worse than death.
        Somehow i would like to see what life together with her could have been like This was bad enough but i would like to see what i have missed, at least so my doubt could be gone.

  • Stronger

    August 2, 2016 at 2:20 am Reply

    Hi Zari
    I’m 2 months NC and still constantly having those WTF moments when it dawns on me how much I was manipulated.. I discovered some really disturbing and upsetting things about the N at the end of our relationship but sometimes like today it’s a small lie that really takes my breath away.

    Before we were in a relationship and he was my boss, I was going through a rough patch and he handed me an envelope with a poem he had written about his daughter when his marriage broke up. I’d kept it and remembered about it when the CD was really bad. It wasn’t a brilliantly written poem, but it was full of emotion and really touched me. Surely a N couldn’t have written it?

    So I went looking for it and put a couple of lines into Google, all the while thinking it must be his poem, only to find it on several sites attributed to an American lady. He’d just taken out the americanisms!

    Strangely, this hurt me as much as finding out about the awful things he’d got up to. I was being manipulated long, long before I realised and he wasn’t capable of the feelings I’d always assumed he had. So I’ve written my own poem in response to express the excruciating pain of the CD. I’ll never send it to him, so I’ll post it here if I may.

    I love you
    I hate you
    My head is full of you
    Why did I let you push my boundaries
    To the limit?

    I love you
    I hate you
    My head is full of you
    Why, even though I know your mind game,
    You still win it?

    I love you
    I hate you
    My head is full of you
    Why won’t you leave my head alone
    For just one minute?

    I love you
    I hate you
    My head is full of you

  • smiler

    May 23, 2016 at 10:01 am Reply

    Thanks Zara. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship when I met him. My knight in shining armour (felt so right, realised this was due to childhood wounds I never even knew I had although I always knew something was missing in my life). My questions finally answered: So a few times I ended it but on the final one I was not so sure if this was him in control of a game as I was broken.So it was the puppeteer after all. He raped me, he had control of me, he made me ill. He made me do things I would never do by manipulation and emotional control. This narc made out he was single until: I found out he had a partner and a 3 month old baby, he told me that she did not want their child on fb so she came off it (as he said she did not want the baby on it) but he then said shortly later that they had both decided (take it he decided) to do it, he was trying it on with someone when his wife pregnant, he was joining groups and trying it on verbally and through social media with girls, it makes me laugh now as I said was he thrown out of his other group for chasing women and he said no they were chasing him and he could take no more yeah yeah!! Intuition is great. I should have listened. He knows he is a narc as he had him dressed as dracula on his fb account with blood out his mouth (vampire) no sign of girlfriend or baby. Also he has a shark tattoo on his left upper arm. He (44 yrs old) hates the fact he is not tall and has a squint nose looking for narc supply he uses it. He has a squint lip and also I know he has a twin sister. I called him a leach and he said many times I was clever. Thought this may have been my education but actually it was because I was telling him off and questioning him. He wanted unprotected sex. He even lied about speaking to a nhs councellor I recommended as she is not available for him in his area. He has another child and ex partner who he used to get sympathy out of me. It was lies that he had won custody and gave the child to the mother). I found out where he lived, how much he bought his house for and he was surprised. I told him his partners name and child’s name. I think he was surprised. I went round his home area at the end telling him I wanted to see his decking, he said to stop it as this was scary stuff and he did not want me near his house. I told him to get outside because I was there. He came out in a rage but he never saw me (saw him in rage twice). So I left it at that then a month later I see him flaunt another girl by him, he tried to make conversation. No way so I sent him a pic saying narc and all the things they do. He was not in touch again until recently he messaged me on a number I did not recognise so I said wrong number and blocked him. I took him off my fb account pretty early in the so called relationship much to his disgust. I then saw him again and he tried to speak, no thanks. I did not look at him at all. I had no clue what was going on. I knew it was not right and my intuition was screaming beware but did I listen, in the end yes. That is when the fog began to lift, my life came back so much better and I continue to recover. I cannot believe how I was sucked into this Web. I was clever right enough I got rid off him. No contact is a must. No friend card if he offers. You are in charge of you no one else. I have learnt from this (was planning my suicide) that I will never put up with people/things like this again. I come first and I am in control of me. Yes it is horrible to think he continues to do this with others (have proof) also that he is still with his partner (I just pray to God she is safe and the child). He told me he was married. Indeed he was and I know her name and more (he does not how that). So he did tell one bit of truth. I did get 1 thank you from him: for not going to pick his partner and child up to take them to where he was meant to meet me. These are personality disordered people that won’t change because they don’t want to. We cannot fix them. Don’t be anywhere near them as they are so very toxic. Get to councelling, domestic violence groups and a trusted friend is great too. So we can all get caught out but we can learn from this and now this is ALL my life. Healing to you all. X
    Ps I don’t recommend you approach ur narc like I did in the end. You have to be safe. I was at all times.

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