Although I’ve written several detailed books about narcissism in relationships, I’ve come to realize that there are those who want nothing more than a quick answer to that one nagging question: is he or isn’t he? Based on my correspondence and conversations with narcissist abuse victims worldwide, this is, indeed, the question of the hour and, therefore, it must be answered. So it is for those who ask that I have created this quick study guide to narcissism in relationships. If your guy (or girl) is a narcissist, this book will validate that fact. After all, it’s all about connecting the dots from one behavior to another. Yes, it’s really that fucking simple and I’m going to show you how to do it.
As you will come to learn, when we’re involved with narcissists, our lives become all but interchangeable. My story is your story is her story is his story. It’s my belief that the thirteen “signs” or behaviors of narcissism that you’ll find in this book are absolutely undeniable. If your partner subscribes to one, he or she subscribes to all of them in some way. All narcissistic behaviors connect together to bring us the inevitable “a-ha” moment. Trying to rationalize that that your guy or girl is somehow excluded from the label because he or she displays only one behavior or some more than others only creates false hope. A narcissist is a narcissist and if the person that you love subscribes to one behavior that I describe here, you will, if you choose to stay in the relationship, inevitably be subjected to ALL of the behaviors in some way, shape, or form. I guarantee it.
To be fair, while there’s a fine line between a person who is a narcissist and a person who’s just an asshole, the point is that there is a line. A person can be overwhelmingly selfish and arrogant, have a tendency to ghost after the second date, and even be a cheater and still not be narcissist. It’s the covert underlying operation of the narcissist and that little bit of extra evil that makes the difference. In other words, when it comes to narcissism, it is the level of the betrayal that separates the men from the boys and the women from the girls. The bottom line is that an asshole can potentially be fixed and a narcissist cannot. Understanding the distinction between these two human entities will ultimately determine whether you choose to stay or break-up. The fact that you are here, however, tells me that you know the truth and simply need a bit of validation. I can give you that.
This quick study guide not only describes the thirteen most blatant characteristics of narcissism in a relationship, it also shows, very clearly, how all of the described behaviors seamlessly connect. This is very important because – together – all of these behaviors form what I call the narcissist’s pathological relationship agenda – an agenda by which the narcissist lives his life and by which you, if you choose to stay, will live your life as well. In other words, these behaviors do not stand alone and don’t make the mistake of thinking that they do. If you try to bargain with logic, you will always lose, my friend.
In a nutshell, here is how a narcissist’s mind-boggling behaviors connect from one to the other within this book: A narcissist’s initial love-bombing (Chapter I) sets the stage for years of future-faking (Chapter III) much like the nefarious silent treatment (Chapter VI) succeeds due to the managing down of a partners expectations (Chapter VIII) which will always involve the type of covert pathological lying (Chapter II) that, combined with cell phone games (Chapter V), the pain of triangulation (Chapter X), and projection tactics (Chapter XIII), will contribute to an overall confusion in the loving partner that allows a narcissist to get away with everything that he does. It’s all about creating chaos (Chapter XII) and distraction (Chapter IX)! Seemingly separate at first, these passive-aggressive behaviors will always combine in such a way that there will be no doubt as to who this person really is. And those are just a FEW of the many ways that we can connect the dots within this book.It’s easier than you think…all you have to do is know what you see.
Narcissism, unfortunately, has become an epidemic in today’s social networking lifestyles. These sexual and emotional predators enjoy the challenge of online dating where they can wear their masks quite a bit longer and catch the very vulnerable. Learning to recognize the signs/behaviors of the narcissistic personality can prevent the abuse from ever happening to you at all OR it will give you the confidence to finally and permanently go “no contact” and exit the game.
Do you suspect that your partner is a narcissist? If so, this quick study guide to narcissism is going to let you know one way or another!
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