Don’t Be a Narcissist’s Enabler

At that grandiose point that we realize that our partner is a narcissist/sociopath, we can also assume that we’ve been his/her enabler for a very long time. Our codependency to the narcissist and to the relationship drama itself has almost has as much to do with our allowing it as it does with the narcissist’s

Narcissist Abuse & the Torment of Cognitive Dissonance

By definition, cognitive dissonance is the psychological discomfort a person feels when he or she holds conflicting beliefs about something simultaneously. When we’re involved with a narcissist, cognitive dissonance is a psychological state that keeps us clinging to a narcissistic partner even when we know he/she is completely incapable of ever loving us.   In other

Reflections on 13 Months of No Contact (Re-post)

It’s been many, many months since the narcissist vanished into thin air, granting me the Grand Finale of Discards that I’d always known he’d give me on his way out some day. However, since I am always asked if it’s really possible to escape the madness, I thought I’d re-post the following article that gave

Getting Over the Narcissist One Small Choice at a Time

The hardest part about leaving a narcissist is the thought that we’re never going to get over it. Even though we’ve been subjected to a zillion silent treatments and disappearances (and survived!), we figure that once it’s really over, we might as well curl up in the fetal position and get comfortable because that’s where

Loving the Narcissist is NOT Your Destiny

Even though you feel intense love for a narcissistic partner, you must understand that loving the narcissist is not your destiny. Our codependency to hope (that incessant feeling of Oh my God, this just has to get better!) keeps us tethered to a life that we sadly feel committed to fixing instead of changing –

Narcissists & the Cell Phone Game

Narcissists are experts when it comes to playing The Cell Phone Game. A narcissist uses the cell phone as a tool, a prop…a weapon, in fact…to conduct his evil and bring sadness and especially anxiety upon his victims. My ex was a master at The Cell Phone Game and I repeatedly called him on it,

Trauma Bonding & the Narcissist – Nobody Does it Better!

Feeling attached to a narcissist or sociopath even though he treats us badly is a constant source of angst for those in recovery from toxic relationships. Victims want to know why…why can’t I just let go of this guy? Why can’t I move on? Why am I obsessed with no closure? Why do I feel

Understanding a Narcissist’s Control/Validate Tactic

Today I realized that my ex, the Narcissist of my books, had given me the biggest clue into his twisted narcissistic mind when he described himself as a “simple man”. He would say this as a way of insisting that I was making too much of things…that he didn’t even think like I made it

Narcissists and Sex: Why Anything Goes…

Narcissistic partners will inevitably – and without fail – use the sex within the relationship to control their victims. Whether the sex is controlled via withholding, controlling the when and the how often, or just by making it so good that it becomes addictive depends upon the type of narcissist we’re dealing with and how

Narcissist Abuse & Our Codependency to Hope

Why do we develop such a twisted codependency to the narcissistic nonsense? Well, I believe that it starts with the passive-aggressive conditioning put upon us by the narcissist/psychopath – conditioning that is fully intended to make us feel desperate and insecure within the relationship. Since desperation and insecurity are two of the biggest catalysts for

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